I just quit drinking for about the 100th time and this time?

Question

I just quit drinking for about the 100th time and this time?
I been on and off the drink for the past two years sometime for 10 week But most of the time for a week or so. I did cut back to geting drunk about once a week or so. I just got home last week from a good solid week of getting drunk every day in sunny florida. Now I am home and never like before I am feeling very depressed to the point I cant work. It has alway been hard to go with out a drink But now it more then ever. I cant stand it. I NEED TO DRINK I am out of my mind. I been dry for a week now But I feel like that week of drinking did me in HELP!!!!!! I am a 52 year old Man.

Answer 1

I just wanted to see if this type of insight could help others who are suffering?

As my feet slap down against the cold wet pavement, and my face drips rain from the storm, an unrelenting need to drink pushes me further. Exact final destination appears unknown , but it's inevitable that the evil inside will again return me to the source of my nightmare. No control, no will of my own, no power had I found that might evict this hell that had infected my body and mind. Self-identity, and all that was once me, had been buried under countless layers of drunkenness, so deep, that any calls for help were merely an echo inside my head.
This living liquid curse, cunning and without conscience, had been absorbed into a body which at one time eagerly welcomed it's unyielding influence. But now, as the onslaught of alcohol turned viciously against the world around me, it was only I being held responsible for it's drunken destruction carried out during my imprisonment.
Those intense fear ridden mornings, when I awoke to find yet another nightmare of alcohol's creation, devilishly constructed from it's own personality the night before. Whether it was the sight of dried blood crusted over both hands, or the unfamiliar surroundings of a place where I shouldn't have been, alcohol knew how to render me frozen with crippling insecurity. Too frightened to reason out a healthy answer as to what was happening to me, a deliberate terror of conscience always reached out and tightly gripped my soul. This devil, disguised and hidden behind my own recently drunken face, knew exactly where I'd run to for help. This was much more then an accident through drink. Alcohol's intent was to survive at all costs, to live and breath it's own existence using me as it's host of choice.
But, now, unaware of this developing transformation, all I wanted to do was calm the terror inside my head. There would be only one place, one exit, one chance to escape into a feeling of normality. Alcohol left nothing to chance, and as it waited patiently for me to return a bottle to my lips, I could almost hear a deep sullen laughter quicken my mobility. I desperately needed to lock myself away into the only security I knew, and to experience that precious freedom, I once again had to ingest my enslaver.
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Answer 2

I know exactly what you are going through, its happened and still happening to me - I am the same age (1 year older than yourself). I have seeing a few different counsellors out of choice and getting out of the sessions what I believe will help me understand why I am the way I am, so much bad stuff over the years from right back when only young - getting pain out of deep inside is very hard work and its been easier to drink than to do that but I have released a lot of it, still lots there and always will be but drinking just makes things worse, it has made things worse and it really does eventually have a very negative effect - it gets to point of causing you to have depression even if you felt ok before having a drink. Any excuse to have a drink, its raining or sunny or feeling happy or sad, in fact any reason. I have tried AA - I will go back as they are a support but we can do more than that like speak to other professional bodies, just find someone you feel comfortable with and just talk about your whole life from start to now, it will be the best start for you believe me. Im still trying and sometimes slip back but somehow manage to go forward a bit better each time because I have offloaded so much garbage. WHAT JP40 says in his response if ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIC! This is such encouragement for me, you need to take his advice also. Thanks JP40, you are a complete realist and will be able to help so many others to be encouraged.

Answer 3

Until you can admit there you are powerless over alcohol, you will continue to drink. I myself tried the 12 step AA program thing. It's a good thing to witness for yourself BUT did not help me I left there more depressed than when I went in. Something has got to happen in your life that finally makes you realize that drinking is not the answer. 12 steppers call it rock bottom. In my particular case I was one more alcohol related arrest from prison. That was my "bottom". I haven't drank in over 15 years and I don't attend AA, 12 Steppers will argue that I'm what you would call a dry drunk. BUT that is far from the truth. Just like quitting smoking cold turkey I quit drinking the same way. I have a wonderful wife,family and life. Although it took awhile to bounce back financially and mentally, it was the best thing I have ever done for MYSELF! The key is you have to do it for YOURSELF. You can't do it for anyone else, ex.:wife,children,boss,etc... You have to become selfish and do it only for yourself and once you become sober these people will benefit just as much as you will. Sure the urge pops up every once in awhile but I flashback to my "bottom", and quickly realize it is not worth losing it all. I was never a one beer kind of guy, I drank to get drunk period. I envy the person who goes out and cuts their lawn and has that one beer, not this guy, I drank until I either passed out or blacked out. This is just one of many stories and/or advice you will get in here today. By all means consider a re-hab and/or AA. You need someone to show you there is another way to live your life without the booze, and trust me it gets better. Good Luck to you my friend, and in the meantime just tell yourself you don't really need that drink today, and then tell yourself that again tomorrow, and then the next day. The days will add up, you'll begin to feel better physically and emotionally. Just one day at a time.

Answer 4

I never had a drinking problem until my separation and divorce a few months ago. Drinking became a way of life for me. I would go into bars, make new friends, drink until I passed out. God arrested twice for disorderly conduct, got one DUI, found myself on many occasions wandering the streets, once in downtown Atlanta. Many times had no idea how I got home. I decided I didn't want to keep wasting my life away like that.

DON'T GIVE IN TO THAT URGE TO DRINK! You know the outcome, and you know you can be a better person without the drink, right?

Answer 5

I rehabbed back in 1986 and it hurts like hell for a while to be without it...go to a couple of AA meetings and hang out with others that are going through the same stuff.. they can help you.. other people have been down thi road that want to help you.. community support realy does help and having your own cheering squad makes a difference

Answer 6

bill ive read some of your other posts and it seems like you have some pretty deep seated issues. to be honest... i feel that you should consider an inpatient detox. that will also give you some intensive group therapy which i think is priceless! give it some thought. also, for sure you need AA and a sponser! its next to impossible to get through this alone!

Answer 7

That's a tough one. I quit in 1996 and it took me 2 years of hell. The thing that helped me and it probably sounds crazy but it did help me and that was chewing gum. Wish I had a better answer. Good luck!

Answer 8

Well, do you mind me asking, what does your job involve? And do you have another hobby you could do to keep you busy? What about friends? From experience, you cant do it alone. Well I know I couldn't. Yeah Im young but I started out early. Maybe you just need a shoulder.

*~WONNA~*

Answer 9

It an easy decision when you have alcohol in the house but so so difficult when there is none. It makes you so desperate.

Please stick to your plan. It will only get harder and harder as time goes on. Do you like AA as a group to help. There is always someone to talk to and help.

Email me if you wish.

Answer 10

Find a meeting.

http://local.yahoo.com/results?fr=iy-text-lcl-res&stx=alcoholics+anonymous