Shes a young mom, only 19 her sons 2 (going to be 3 in july) and im 31. (yes im older than her get over it) Weve been dating for a year and a half. Your probablly thinking "hes only 2 he doesnt know better" but thats wrong, hes a VERY smart little boy. Hes so bad though. He wont sleep in his own bed, she lets him curse and talk back to adults, he slaps her and i all the time, he calls me daddy even though weve talked to him pleanty time about it. Hes does whatever he wants and everytime she puts him down he crys !!! I CANT STAND IT ANYMORE i love her to death and i can accept him but he drives me crazy, the worse part is she ENCOURAGES this type of behavior !!! how can i tell her to disipline him without making her mad ?
2007-02-01 11:29:51 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
ok i don't have children, but i do see this quite often. #1 pick a time to talk to her when you are calm and you know she is calm (if you, her, or both of you are upset, it will turn into a huge fight). Try telling that you live her and her son, but you are afraid that if he continues this behavior now, he will be uncontrollable later on. tell her that it makes you feel upset when you see him curse and talk back at such a young age. and it should upset her to, because when he gets older...what if he punches her when she tries to discpline him? tell her that she needs to start being more firm with him now or he will end up unbearable . Tell her that your telling her this because you don't want to see her struggling later on. The calling you daddy, but he probably looks up to you and you're a father figure to him at this point of time. If you tell her that bothers you to, maybe she can teach him to call you by your first name instead.
But try to talk to her, without it ending up to be a fight, and make sure you mention that your looking out for her and what may happen later on when her son is older.
2007-02-01 11:41:07 · answer #1 · answered by Alicia 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
look I'm a single mom and my kid is sooooo bad hes 2yrs old and does a lot of the stuff you just mentioned and I discipline him I either take his favorite toy away and put him on time out or i wont let him have any treats and sometimes it helps but sometimes it doesn't but the whole calling you dad thing you have to understand that hes not doing it to bother you my son calls my father and my brother in law dad all the time sometimes my friends will come over and he will call them dad too they all take it as a joke now but the thing is that when there isn't a father around they just see all guys as a father figure specially if you're around a lot, no you can try talking to her and tell her what bothers you about her child's behavior and if she loves you she'll understand how you're feeling but that is her child and no matter what he will always come first no even though you love her you just might not be ready for this type of relationship even if you are a little older then her just because you're older it doesn't mean you're ready to be a father or in this case a stepfather.
2007-02-01 14:56:59 · answer #2 · answered by johannag_84 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can talk to her about his behavior and make suggestions. You are not his dad, you don't want the responsibility and she is younger than you! She doesn't have a problem with the way she's raising her child, if she does she needs to put her foot down and set new rules. If it is just you, there isn't much you can do it's her child and it's her decision on her way of raising the child. If the child's father See's the child then that could be a part of his behavior as well. He could be telling the child to act this way to make you mad and you can't take it out on the child in any situation. He is a 2 YEAR OLD CHILD GOING THROUGH HIS TERRIBLE 2 STAGE! Sorry about the caps.
2007-02-01 11:41:55 · answer #3 · answered by Tigerluvr 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have been together this long I would hate to see it end over a split in parenting goals.
You need to let her know that you feel he is learning to be disrespectful of her and you by his lack of discipline.
A disrespectful child grows into a disrespctful teen and good luck then!
Make sure she knows that YOU feel this way. Do not aim it all at her that would only make her get defensive and the conversation would turn into an argument.
Use phrases such as "I worry that he is learning to be disrespectful towards you".
Then after you express your feelings tell her that you want the two of you to decide how to address his behavior and stop it before it splits your home in two.
It took 2 yrs for him to learn his ways, you are going to have to invest a little while to undo it.
If you get no response or agreement from her then you need to do some soul searching and decide if you can continue to live as the third in line in that relationship or if it is time to cut losses and move on.
Good luck - for all three of you I hope it gets turned around.
2007-02-01 11:48:04 · answer #4 · answered by QueenBee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, I'm a stepmom. I think you should be frank about it. If you have long term plans with this woman, and plan to be taking care of her son as well, she needs to know some of your rules are going to be involved. Why would you mind making someone who encourages their child to curse mad? Is this a woman you want raising your own child if you have one? You can break this activity in children, you just have to make them do what you say. Eventually they'll come around. But it's never going to happen if she doesn't do it. State your thoughts or get out.
2007-02-01 11:39:27 · answer #5 · answered by Cynthia S 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your girlfriend is young. Her son is only doing what he is taught. Someone taught him to swear and slap. His mother needs to be educated on how to raise her son. This is how you can help. Take them to your local play groups, they will help you how to handle the child by example. If you watch the other parents you will learn how to talk to your child when he mis-behaves. For example when your child slaps, you respond by saying "When you hit me it hurts, and that makes me sad. If you are mad at me please use your words and not your hands", the child will learn empathy and will learn to use his words. It's the easiest solutions. It sounds like the mother thinks she knows what is best for her child and won't take any advice from you.
Most children will sleep with their parents. It is a hard habit to break. All three of my kids still sleep with me, but mostly on the weekends. The oldest is 12.
And there is nothing wrong with the child calling you dad if you are planning on sticking around for a while. You sound like a great role model.
2007-02-01 11:43:12 · answer #6 · answered by Girls M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok i may be young and you might not take my advice seriously, but i've babysat a boy EXACTLY like him....for 2 yrs. , what i did when he never wanted to go to bed, is sat him down on his bed and tried to settle him, if he starts crying and screaming just walk away quietly and shut the door, maybe not all the way. if he has a night lite put that on....let him cry himself to sleep, and don't go in there...he'll get used to it...if he comes out tell him its time for bed and he needs to go to sleep, put him back and leave him. about the cursing and talking back u need to just tell her when he does this that other ppl don't see this as cute...at all...most ppl will smile but turn their backs and think to themselves o my gosh, she can't even control him...it honestly makes her look bad... and more ppl won't want to be around when he's around....i would tap his mouth when he swears, and sit him down in a corner, show him that he CAN"T do that. when he slaps her do the same thing but tap his hand, not a slap, just a rough tap...if you don't like being called daddy tell him...he's most likely just doing this to aggrivate you and see how far he can take ;you...he's honestly testing you, seeing if you're going to step up or if he can push you around. when he starts crying when she sets him down leave him and don't pay any attention to him, he'll see that he's not getting any attention and will stop. You need to talk to her and tell her that it really bothers you and other ppl, and that it makes her look bad. No one wil want to be around him, and they certainly won't want their kids around him. don't at any point raise your voice or start yelling, just inform her. Good Luck!
2007-02-01 11:43:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
all that u just told us tell it to her. she needs to grow up and realize that a child at any age slapping n cursing isnt cool. and she needs to make sure he doesnt call u daddy especially if he has a daddy. the motha is at fault here not the child, a child only does what he is taught or picks up at that age. she could use a hard lesson in parenthood.
2007-02-01 11:37:56 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Either put up with it or move on. You can't tell her anything, the child is nothing to you other than the offspring of your girlfriend. I suggest you let this one go and find someone who doesn't have any "baggage" or a past, because your relationship isn't going to stand the test of time.
2007-02-01 11:59:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her you are uneasy about being around her son and ask if she would take a parenting class with you, but put it on you, that you feel you need it, thats to get her there , classes like that, work with people it will all come out in a safe setting and they can teach you and her new ways to make things better
2007-02-01 12:24:01 · answer #10 · answered by melissa s 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋