I want a child but can not find a good guy.?

Question

ok i need to restate my questions cuz there seems to be some confusion. i am young but not as young as people are thinking. I am 22 years old and want a child. I know that childeren are a big responsibility and they do need all of my attention all of the time. I have worked in a daycare since i was 16 and i absolutly love children so i do have childeren experience. I do want a child for selfish reasons such as i want someone to be responsible for i want to guid a child and teach them right from wrong and want the love of a child that i cant get from anyone or anything else. when i am seeing someone i do think about what kind of father they will be and what they have to offer me and my child. So i guess my question really is, is it stupid that i want a child so bad at a young age? and is it wrong to date guys and think "hey are they gonna be a good father to my future kids"?

Answer 1

If you are working with children then you are responsible for them ,and you are guiding them, teaching them,and showing them valuable things.Friendship and love just to name a few. You are young ,but who am I to say (to young). I think it is okay to think about if the guy you are seeing would be a good father. As long as you keep in mind that if a guy seems like he might not be a good father you never really know until you are one. Some people think they would be so great at it and find out it not what they thought. That's when family and friends and great books are their to help you . Support Support everyone needs it. My husband and I are blessed with three kids and he is a great father. But I couldn't tell that when we first met!! At least you are getting lots of practice working with children enjoy them and let nature take it course ! Hope I don't sound phony with that last line.HA HA!

Answer 2

Having a child is a life long commitment. You don't want to have a husband you don't get along with, but have to work things out for the rest of your life. It is best even when you get married to spend a few years with your man before introducing a baby. Sleepless nights, round the clock breastfeeding, diapers being changed, etc can wear out parents.
To answer your question, No, it is not stupid to date guys you think will be fathers. I married my husband for two reasons, he loved my cooking and he seemed liked he would be a good father. 20 years, 5 children later, we are still together. IIt is very easy to be deeply in love with a man who treats your children well. It is also very easy to fall out of love with a man who doesn't keep a job or treat you or the kids well. My husband is a great father, and still complements me on my cooking. Don't date anyone that you know in your heart you couldn't live with forever. For instance, drinking too much once in a while won't seem like a big deal, until he does that when he is watching your kids. You are so right to make sure that not only is the man right for you, but your future children. Marriage is hard, over 50% now end in divorce. Find some other activity to do where you have opportunity to meet lots of people. Take your time. Do things like travel, go out dancing, etc, things you won't have the time or money to do after you have children.

Answer 3

It isn't stupid at all, and you sound like the perfect person for the job because you love children, but you have to be careful not to let hormones and fantasies get in the way of you understanding the reality of being a parent and preparing for it properly.

1) Kids are expensive, and YOU will be responsible for their financial stability for the next 20 years of their life. Are you in position financially to absorb the costs? How about providing them a decent home? Health insurance? College fund?

2) You never stop being a mom! Kids are cute when they are someone else's, when you can play with them and then pass them on when they crap their diaper, start screaming, or when you want to go out with girlfriends. When they are yours, all the mess and noise of parenting becomes your problem and stays your problem 24/7.

3) Kids are hard to raise with two parents, let alone being a single parent at a relatively young age. The right guy makes a lot of difference and you still have enough time to meet the right person.

Answer 4

It's not wrong to want to be a mother young. It's built in to most of our systems to be "maternal".

That being said, having a baby so young could change everything. Albeit many good things, but bad as well. My best friend had her first child at 22, and the father was not in the picture. She had a full time job, a car payment, and her own apartment. She wanted the baby, as was determined to make it work.

Unfortunately, because she was not a college graduate and had only a meager income for herself, she was forced to rely on friends and family for childcare. The friends and family (myself included) obviously offered free babysitting services but had our own jobs that we needed to survive. My friend had to cut back at work to take care of the baby, which cut back on income. At 23, her car was repossessed and she had to move back in with her parents. The baby's father was a "deadbeat" and she was only entitled to $23 a week for child support, and that was only IF he was working.

Her baby is my godson, and I love him more than anything else in the world. My friend absoultely does not regret having him. He is the love of the lives he touches, and is brilliant now at 5 years old.

I really thankful that you've taken advantage of this forum to ask other people's opinions. That proves you care about what other people think and you at least have half a brain and understand that this is an important step you want to take. You will probably notice that (I hope) most people are asking you to wait a while. The masses always make more sense in situations like this.

I do not believe that someone "has to have a man" to have a child. That's an antiquated belief. But you do need the following to consider doing this on your own.

1. A great paying job with benefits, and paid maternity leave. These can often be hard to find without a college degree. If you don't have one, get one. You can have an associates degree in less than a year if you apply yourself. Obviously, you'll need the medical benefits to care for yourself, your impending pregnancy, and your future child.

2. Reliable transportation

3. A permanant or semi-permanant home.

4. Several month's worth of living expenses tucked away in a savings account "for emergencies".

Lastly, I would ask you to not give up on finding "the right guy". I know it's not necessary, but the love and support from your partner would be a blessing. You never know, you could be planning your wedding in a few years and then plan for babies after that, together.

The love between a child and parent is magnificent, but show your future child that you care enough about him or her to plan properly for the blessed arrival.

Answer 5

You're so young you have plenty of time. When you are dating you absolutely should be thinking about whether the guy will be a good day.

Also, tho you worked in the field, research is solid that separating more than 10 hours a week from mommy is very very harmful to infants and toddlers. Thereofore, you want to wait for a good guy who will also help you and the baby avoid separation.

Are you looking for good guys are night clubs? Or, are you taking classes, volunteering in settings with other caring people, etc?

Answer 6

Yes, but there is much more than that, theres the money question and if you can support it, then daycare. How the baby really will change your life. I knew how the child would change my life, but when he can it finally hit me and the harshness.

Its not wrong to think about if he would make a great father or not, but you should be having fun and getting your education right now, then worry about starting a family.

Good luck.

Answer 7

Well most of my friends are your age and want children but i wouldnt do it i know you have had experiende with kids for a mijourity of your life but they are expensive and when they get older they feel that they dont have to listen to you so you might want to have kids now but maybe you should think about adopting cause labor is hard carrying a child in your little uderaus hurts and civing birth hurts 2! But after whati told you you still want kids then try and find a good guy that really cares about you and hes the same wishes when it comes to children as you do, and dont get a guy that you know doesnt feel right cause if you do their will be bad conciquences in the end!

Answer 8

Young lady, to have a child is alot of fun but it's also alot of work. I am married to a wonderful women who gave me one wonderful little girl and who accepted my son from my first marriage. She is the love of my life and I would not trade her for nothing. I suggest instead of looking for love in all the wrong places, or going to bed with anyone just to have a child would be so wrong. Many good single men go to church and are waiting for God to send them that special lifemate. I suggest and encourage you to get into a good bible believing church and wait on God's intervention. If your faithful to him he will guide your path and provide you with a helpmate who will father a child with you. I encourage you to wait, many people make a mistake and get into bad relationships for all the wrong reasons. Just wait on God and he will meet you with all the love and care you need.

Answer 9

I understand your urge to become a mother. It's a natural thing. However, I believe if you wait, the right man will come along and you'll be happy you waited to experiance parenthood with him.
Trust me, it's not fun to be a single mom. I did that and busted my butt working 2 jobs to make ends meet.
Honestly, pray about it.

Answer 10

I wouldn't recommend it until you're at least around 28.