she insists on being mean to me and my family..she acts like a total brat...im so stressed i take it out on my fiance but i dont mean to and im scared she'll come between us. please help
2007-02-01 10:33:22 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
my fiance knows how she treats me and he jumps on her all the time for it..but she wont even listen to him..he's military and gone a lot..he was away from her for a yr...her mother doesnt discipline her at all...im sooo stressed i dont know what to do and so scared i'll lose daniel to her...
2007-02-01 11:00:08 · update #1
look at her world through her eyes. She might think she is going to lose her dad to you! 3year olds don't really know how to be mean, she is just testing you. Ignore her if shes a brat and praise her when shes good. Have something that ONLY you and her do together. An idea for you is to take her to the shop and buy some pots, some potting mix and some flower seeds. Grow them with her. If you time it right she may be able to fill her basket at your wedding with them...
2007-02-01 10:40:10 · answer #1 · answered by blahblahblah 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all, talk to your fiance. It really is his problem too. The two of you need to present a united front with the child-back each other up. If you say "no" make sure Daddy says "no" too.
Her mother may be confusing her as well. If Mommy allows her to stand on furniture, for example, and you do not-you see where a three year old may get confused. Perhaps you and Daddy could talk to the Mommy. If that's not possible, then you are just SOL on that front.
Try to see it from the kid's point of view. She may think you are stealing her daddy away. Allay her fears. Make sure she understands that you love Daddy and you love her, too. Ease up on her. This is likely a big change for her. She is only three years old and she doesn't have the tools to reason through this logically. You do-or your should.
If you have issues with the child, then you need to examine them. Make sure you can set aside whatever animosity you and the Mother may have. If you can't find a way to work it out, then it will effect your marriage, and worse it may effect that relationship between father and daughter.
2007-02-01 18:43:22 · answer #2 · answered by kelly24592 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, at 3 years old, its not just you she's not listening to, its a 3 year old thing, they are testy.. hense.. terrible two's "trying three's" so don't worry too much.. but also in your case, the 3 year old has been through a lot of stress if her parents split up.. and at that age, she isnt able to communicate her frusterations and stress, as easily, so she's gonna be a little saucy. When my 4 yr old son, is acting up.. I don't just asume he's a bad kid, I asume there is something bothering him, and we need to figure out what it is. Maybe the little girl wants her mommy and Daddy to be together, and she needs some explanation as to why their not.. its hard and confusing on a little girl. Make sure that you take a walk in her little shoes before you asume she's a brat.
And maybe see if theres a child psychologist even, to help you and your partner about suggestions as to what you can teach her about what's going on. All she knows is that stuff is going on around her that she has no control over.. so maybe she's trying to be saucy (I just don't like the word brat) so that she can in her own way, try to control you. I hope this answer helped.. I just hope you can look at her side of things. Good Luck.
2007-02-01 18:42:42 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
By agreeing to give yourself & your life to your fiance, you were also agreeing to give yourself & your life to his daughter. You knew he had a daughter & you still wanted to marry him & spend your life with him. Now you have to learn to be a part of his daughter's life as well.
She is three years old. She is going to be a "brat" to the unfamiliar. She may feel threatened by your coming into her daddy's life & may not like the idea that she's no longer the only girl in his life. Or perhaps your lack of parenting skills, since you sound like you don't know what you're doing when it comes to children, is obvious to this child & she is using it against you & purposely making your life more difficult in hopes that you'll give up & walk out of her & her daddy's life.
You need to talk to your fiance & tell him how you feel. Explain to him that you are hurt by the fact that his daughter is not taking to you & you worry that this may ruin your marriage & that you want to be a part of his daughter's life & try to be a family & ask him if he has any ideas on how you can get his daughter to warm up to you. He is after all the father & knows his daughter much better than you do, so he should be able to sense that there is tension between you two & he should sit his daughter down, no matter her age, & have a talk with her.
Although she is very young, there ARE ways her father can help the situation through a discussion. Perhaps the three of you should sit down & all discuss it together...as a family.
2007-02-01 18:47:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your fiance before she moves in that you are going to sit down as a family and talk about the rules of the house.
Make a list of the rules. Then talk about time out. When someone breaks a rule they go into time out for 10 minutes. Put the time out stool somewhere away from the action, and if they do not stay in time out they go to bed a half hour earlier than the others.
I was a foster mom for 15 years. If you are consistant you will have peace in your house. If your fiance won't agree to this plan, you need to have a discussion about whether you can blend your families at all.
Good luck!!
2007-02-01 18:40:45 · answer #5 · answered by imask8r 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well my husband went through this same thing with my daughter 3 years ago.
I would suggest to sit down with your soon to be husband and explain to him your concerns about his daughter and see if he can help out with any of it. Maybe the ex is telling the little one to treat you that way.
Who knows these days so much stuff going on with kids these days it hard to tell why she is acting the way she is.
Good Luck
2007-02-01 18:37:17 · answer #6 · answered by blondie21_97504 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
more than likely some one is telling her things.i detest and despise ppl who do that to a child.if your fiance hasn't woke up to whats happening your in for a hard time.talk to him now.dont leave it get it out in the open before you get married,you'll be very,very sorry if you don't.the longer you leave it the more you,and the girl will get hurt.if he cant or wont see what's happening he doesn't deserve you or the child.
2007-02-01 18:49:09 · answer #7 · answered by BUSHIDO 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Play the game that our parents played on us"TEAR DAT AZZ UP" a few sessions with her she will get the picture.
The game is played by you and her father. Act like she is jump roping and take turns tearing dat azz up.
2007-02-01 19:30:58 · answer #8 · answered by Grown Lady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just try to win her trust. take her out to play, go with her and buy her ice scream, find somethin she likes in the house and do it with her and the most important give her time, its noteasy for her u must know that. and u mus have in ur mind that kids know when u r afraid of them or u r not senciere
2007-02-01 18:37:41 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everytime she throws a temper tantrum lower ur voice if she does it 4 a long time then whisper
2007-02-01 20:39:27 · answer #10 · answered by Babygurl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋