I met my fiance in July 2005, we are engaged and living together but the problem is im paying him more than half of the bills to him as they come out of his account. every month i get paid £773.00 rough for my work, but i pay my fiancee £350 for the bills and then at least another £300 to pay his loan off. Which is ok but i dont leave me much he says its optional me paying his loan of but i hate credit an he is has to much and is over spending.
The thing is i pay off so much for him as i am still expected to pay electric then any essentials i.e his luxuries. But i cant afford to even buy my self a new pair of shoes which i need desperately let alone cloths. My collegues from work have told me to be careful as he still spends while im paying out this money. and they are worried he is gonna use me. i love him and dont wanna lose him but should i give up my luxuries like clothes etc to pay his loan etc off as he pays £60 pounds towards the loan a months and i desperatly need clothes that
2007-02-01 09:40:36 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Business & Finance ➔ Credit
fit me as most of mine i have grown out of already and my only work shoes are falling to bits my work trousers are ripped. i have also been picked up at work on this. Am i being selfish or not? And should i be careful as i am gonna lose out if he leaves?
2007-02-01 09:42:46 · update #1
he has a loan almost upto his limit on his credit card and last month was over drawn by at least £400. I dont wanna lose him as i love him, i have been told to not be so soft as my situation with my parents makes me frightened of losing him like i did my family. But i know i cant keep doing this...
2007-02-01 09:52:56 · update #2
They have also said at 18 yrs old i shouldnt have to have these worry as i do have 2 jobs and have college as a worry to. i should going out but i can never afford it really.
2007-02-01 09:56:24 · update #3
I find it interesting that people just skimmed over the part where your fiance said that you don't have to pay his loans off. This is your choice. The real question is, if you hate credit so much, why would you want to be involved with someone who obviously loves it. It certainly does not seem like he is taking advantage of you. It seems more like you are over-protective of him. Take his suggestion to heart and stop paying the loan. He obviously feels that he does not need your help in this matter, and who knows, maybe he doesn't. Maybe if you stopped throwing money at him, he would learn to be more frugal.
2007-02-01 09:55:33 · answer #1 · answered by Fin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think these people are right it sounds to me like you are definatly being used. Does your bf work himself? if he doesn't tell him to get his **** to the job center and find himself a job to pay off his own debts it shouldnt be up to you to have to pay everything and if he was even bothered by the amount his cards and overdraft are coming to he wouldnt overspend knowing you are struggling to afford it. My advise would be to sit him down voice your concerns work out an appropriate plan of what you expect both of you to pay on bills each, once you have done that you stick to your half of the bills and let him pay the rest and tell him to buy his own toiletteries you just worry about your own then with the money you save from the bills go and buy the things you need. If he is using you he wont stand for this very long and he will do a runner and then at least you will know the truth. You just need to be strong and stand up for yourself dont let this joker walk all over you
2007-02-01 18:10:28 · answer #2 · answered by kerry w 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Quit paying more than your half of the bills. It sounds like you are not only giving up your luxuries, but also your necessities. You need to have clothes that fit and are in decent shape to wear to work. I was recently in a similar situation. I just broke up with my free loading boyfriend after 7 years. He has used me for so long that I am now forced to live with my parents and I have horrible credit. It is going to take me forever to fix this. Breaking up with him is the best thing I have ever done. If he dumps you just because you aren't paying his bills, then he doesn't really love you, just your money. Don't let him walk all over you. You will live a lonely and miserable life.
2007-02-01 17:55:29 · answer #3 · answered by Steph 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he has trouble with overspending, he should not be handling the money in the household.
You need to sit down with him and make out a budget. You should first start with things that you absolutely need, rent, electric, water, etc. Then include things like transportation, food that are necessary, but could possibly be reduced. Then include his loan. After that the money should be split between the two of you and put into savings in some fair manner.
Since you are better with money, you should be the one collecting the money and paying the bills.
It does not sound like you will lose too much if he leaves.
2007-02-01 17:52:48 · answer #4 · answered by VATreasures 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're an idiot. You are being used. Your friends are worried that he will begin to use you. That happened a while ago.
Stop paying for anything beyond 50% of your shared bills. See what happens.
My best guess is, he'll dump you in short order. Which will be the best thing to happen to you since July 2005.
If you were smart, you'd pack up your stuff, walk out the door, and never look back. If you marry him, plan on a lifetime of misery, if you don't get divorced in the first 12 months.
Dump the loser
2007-02-01 17:45:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Don't pay his loan. Only pay, at most, half of the bills, none of his loan. If he is unable to pay for his portion of the living expenses you want to ask yourself is this the person I want to be with.
Keep in mind that if he has poor financial habits, low credit scores and does not know how to budget and save money, he is not going to change overnight.
Sounds like your friends are correct. He is using you to pay his bills while he is out spending money on other things.
You need to confront him and tell him to pay his own loan and half of your living expenses. If he refuses then you need to leave and move on. This individual does not sound financially responsible.
If you marry him and he continues to engage in his spending habits he will drag you down the financial drainpipe.
2007-02-01 17:52:04 · answer #6 · answered by Michael 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So how are you going to loose out if he leaves ....seems to me you will be better off all round...He's a looser and your friends are right he is using you...
since when had having clothes that fit and shoes that are not falling apart been luxuries?
NO YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE TO GIVE UP LUXURIES SO HE CAN KEEP SPENDING
GET RID OF HIM NOW!!!!
2007-02-01 17:49:49 · answer #7 · answered by blazing_staruk 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like he is using you big time...I think you need to reevaluate your relationship. Sit him down and explain about your financial needs verses his over spending. Sounds like he probably has a problem with his finances and coddling him about while paying his bills only enables him.
2007-02-01 17:49:48 · answer #8 · answered by All I Hear Is Blah Blah Blah... 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell your boyfriend that he needs to ethier pay his own loan or buy you some clothing. if he refuses then refuse to contribute to the bills until he agrees to meet you halfway
2007-02-01 17:45:53 · answer #9 · answered by magiclady2007 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i might be out of line but why cant he pay off his own loan and calm down on his spending instead of you paying everything
2007-02-01 18:03:03 · answer #10 · answered by driverfus 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋