Ive been single now for over two years and currently going through a divorce, ive dated a few guys but nothing serious. My problem is ive been seeing a guy now for 4 weeks and i dont really know how to date anymore, im not sure if im afraid to get involved incase i get hurt again and i am trying to find faults to put him off me. I told him we should call it a day and he got really upset and i felt really bad about this so have agreed to meet him again, i think mabey our problem is we havent been out for a drink and some fun together and get to know each other properly. I have two children and hes single and i guess im afraid to get too involved then end up on my own hurt again... hes a really nice guy. please does anyone have any encouraging words for me
2007-02-01 08:40:03 · 9 answers · asked by Gibby 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Don't put so much pressure, just date and have some fun (if possible).
2007-02-01 08:43:29 · answer #1 · answered by Vesna G 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whoa there! He hasn't asked you to marry him.
This is simple. You and he take the children to a public park and let them play. Out for a drink is unrealistic. Getting to know each other "properly" consists of getting together in the lifestyle where you spend most of your time. Find out what he likes to do by doing it with him. Having fun together, for you, will likely include the kids for quite a few years.
"involved" "in case I get hurt" - don't you think that's a significantly tentative approach to a relationship? There's risk in every relationship. Let's see how he does with you AND the kids first. If that seems to go OK, then you can think about the involved stuff.
2007-02-01 08:52:51 · answer #2 · answered by Thomas K 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know this position well; not identical but fairly similar. I hadn't been out with anyone for years until recently ( I suppose the odd fling that was it!) I found it hard deciding if I liked her. I didnt want to be too hasty as Id been in the past and end up a singleton again so I just went with it. Like you I was picking holes wherever they could be found and I suppose to a lesser degree I still do a bit of that now just to convince myself that she is fine to be with.
\bit by bit and its taken a reasonably long length of time she has grown on me. Its not been the instant attraction of some previous relationships but its developing nicely. Just hang on in there if hes a nice guy then hell not be bothered about the kids and take an interest in them... take it slow, but enjoy the time together.
2007-02-01 10:24:44 · answer #3 · answered by nuander 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have a lot of baggage. You're going to need a sensitive type of guy that is willing to give more than he receives for a while. You might try some support groups. Parents without Partners or something for people with similar backrounds.
2007-02-01 08:46:25 · answer #4 · answered by Jabberwock 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just take it slow this time...your dating to get to know each other. You will know in your heart in time if he is the right one. Just be friends first and take the kids to a sitter and go out and have fun. Get to know the real him B4 you make any big decions. Just know that you are on your own now so YOU CAN make it..you dont need any one but its nice to find a good one to hang around. GOOD LUCK and just take your time...
2007-02-01 08:46:57 · answer #5 · answered by J~me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think what i would do if it bothers you, and he notices that it bothers you, you too should talk about it. I mean i know its not a good thing to bring up "old boyrfriends", but bring up the situation you were in, not the man. Tell him that youw ant to get to know him a lot better, and maybe the two of you can work on it together...i mean its a realtionship...there are 2 of you...your not alone.
Hope it helps. and hope you feel better. :D
2007-02-01 08:45:19 · answer #6 · answered by katherinebrown06 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweety, you aren't even divorced yet, what's the rush?
Just the part about him getting angry when you said you needed to call it a day, would be red flag enough for me..
Take time out right to get to know yourself again, and spend time with your children.
It's ok, not to be in a relationship right now, I promise.
2007-02-01 08:45:51 · answer #7 · answered by Aunt Henny Penny 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, take it slow, but have fun.. If he is a great guy and he's good to you and your children that's all that matters.
2007-02-01 08:43:54 · answer #8 · answered by In love with Life 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if you like each other you shouldnt be creating insecurities for him incase you end up together.
2007-02-01 08:50:09 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋