Was this wired? Was I abused as a child?

Question

I am in my mid 30's now. My mother always treated me like a kid. Even now she treats me like one. She was never encouraging me. She always thought the negative and worst of everything. She felt I couldn't do things right or on my own. So I wasn't confident enough about things I did. When I was 13 my mother felt I couldn't take a shower on my own. So my father used to help me with take a shower. When I was growing up my sis & I shared a room. One day she decided she wanted to sleep in moms room with mom & I sleep in the other room with dad. Dad always used to tease me alot. I was his pet. I got upset with my dad for teasing me all the time so I told him to stop out loud. Then I heard my mom say to my sis look at those two like Romeo and Juliet. I still remember it now. I wasn't even allowed to wear a bra until I was sixteen until an aunt said I need to wear one because I am going to high school. I live with mom now & sleep in my dead fathers bed in the same room with mom.

Additional Details

9 minutes ago
I am getting married soon & my mom still controls me. I get night mares and bad dreams almost every night & wake up in the middle of the night. Is it because I am sleeping in my fathers bed. I wanted to move out my mothers house a month early & live in the new place where I will be living after I get married. The thing is my fincee will not be living there with me. I will be living there alone. Mother things that's a bad idea since people will misunderstand that I will be shaking up with him before marriage. I wanted to move out of my mothers house so I won't get nightmares anymore. But I don't know what do anymore because my mother says no to everything. Even when I was dating my fincee' she was seeking marriage proposal for me & wanted me to marry the man she picked even though they were not good for me. How do I deal with my mother?

I remember when I was 6 or 7 years old my teacher hit me till my nose bled. My mother never did anything about it. Only my sister came to rescue me. Mom was too busy working. Another insidant when I was 6 years old a kid stole my new rulers, pecils and clay. My mother hit me and yelled at me that evening because she said I was careless and didn't take care of my new things.

I come from a 3rd world country where teachers are allowed to beat the kids. It's not called abuse there.

When I was about to move to the U.S. mom said my dad and I should stay in my country and her & my sister should move to the U.S. She told because because my father & I are alike. I was good for nothing, dumb & like a servent (maid). Now she says she loves me.

Answer 1

You need to get away from your mother - totally. Your family was very odd as you grew up. You have some issues that need to be dealt with, and these issues WILL affect your upcoming marriage if you do not take care of them. Getting away from your mother will help, but moving is not going to take care of your problems like you think. You are going to take these issues with you. You need to get counseling - this is not just a passive suggestion here - I don't think you are going to be able to live a normal life until you get some childhood issues settled. Find some help SOON and get away from the weirdness.

Answer 2

You have definitely been abused. You have been emotionally and psychologically abused the most. Why are you still sleeping in the same room with your mother when you are over 30 years old? This indicates that you "feel" like a child yourself. Otherwise, you would have found a job and moved to your own apartment by now. You say you are getting married. Is this man a controlling man? If so, do not marry him. If he is not controlling but treats you like an equal, then do marry him and move away and live your own lives. But if this man is controlling like your mother or father, don't marry him. Find a job and move out on our own. Built an ADULT life for yourself. You've been damaged, but you can change the course of your life if you want to do it. Get some counseling (there is free help if you look for it), and learn to live on your own as an adult. Good luck.

Answer 3

Are you serious? I remember going to school but dont ever recall teachers being allowed to hit you til your nose bled, that part of the story I cant believe. Anyhow you are GROWN and your mother has NO SAY as to where you live. Now pack your bags and get out, she'll treat you like a child as long as you let her and live under her roof. As for the nightmares you could be having them because your sleeping in your dead fathers bed however Ive slept in my deceased mothers bed and I do not have them. Your in your 30s for christs sake stop letting mommy control you your being treated like a baby because you allow it,stand up for yourself and move in with your husband who cares what other peoples perceptions are of you living w him prior to marriage thousands if not milliions of couples do this.

Answer 4

Those painful words come back to me too. None of what happened was your fault. Neither of your parents were prepared for the responsibility of raising a child. They treated you as a scapegoat and made you responsible for everything that went wrong. My dear, this isn't true. You sound like a wonderful person. I would sincerely advise that you move away from your mother NOW. You needn't worry what she or anyone else thinks. Other people probably wouldn't even care. Your mother is obsessive, posessive, cruel, controlling, abusive and is in dire need of psychiatric help. Unfortunately, she probably won't get it, because she sees everything as being your fault. You can tell her you can't stay in touch with her while she runs your life. You could really benefit from counseling yourself. You need help learning how to become proud of yourself, because you're smart and very nice, and I would REALLY LOVE for you to be living a life that you enjoy. Please get help, you really will be glad that you did. You have NOTHING to be ashamed of. I'll be thinkin' of ya!

Answer 5

I would suggest seeing a therapist. You suffered through some serious emotional and seemingly sexual abuse. This type of behavior you described is sick and abnormal and should have never happened to you.

I would also suggest writing your parents a letter and tell her how she damaged you, maybe she is truly oblivious.

One more thing: Dont let this situation make who you are. You are an adult now and although situations in your life will help mold your personality and the way you react to things, dont let them CONTROL YOU. I would highly suggest seeing a therapist because they can map out ways for you to get past this abuse and move on with your life and your marriage.

Answer 6

Sounds like there is something wrong. You should talk with your fiancee', councelor, or a really good friend. You need to find out what happened to you so you can move forward. If you are 30 now. You can move out if you want. If that is going to help you to get better I would move now. If someone asks you about shacking up tell them he is not with you in the house yet. You just wanted to get things straight before you both move in. YOU REALLY NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE. That is going to be the only way to get rid of these nightmares. Good luck with your wedding and with what your are dealing with.

Answer 7

You really need to take control of your own life. I know it can be hard with such a contorl-freak mother, but you need to do this now for your own sake. The way I see it is that she thought she was only fulfilling her duty as a mother. She never saw it hrough her childs eye. My mother is the same. My mom always gave me a bath, she said I could not wash myself. I only started taking my own showers at 11! My dad helped me with my showers until I was 10, because he has always cared for the wellbeing of his kids. Me and my bro and sis share a room together. And my mom had a go at me and hit me too for losing my coloured pencils in year 1 which she had bought specially new for me! In her eyes she was trying not to make it happen again. I still dont wear a proper bra, I only wera a sports bra. My mom still thinks i am too little. I dont understand by what you mean by your dad teasing you. If it is what i think you mean then I think he was just trying to be helpful and kind and give you a break from your mum. Fathers have a totally different view on kids from mothers, they are more safe and fun. A father gives a their breaks in life and their fun and and personality. A mother has a harder job...she has to nurture her child and bring them up till they are fully grown to the best of her ability. Your mother has done her best to do that, but tell her she needs to step out now...you need to be more independant. And if you want to live alone before marriage its your choice, your marriage is not a showcase for other people to view. Tell your mom thanks for the upbringing, shes been great but she needs to step out now please. As for your father, he was just trying to give you good moments from your mum...unless you mean teasing in another way.
But pls for your own sake get your mom out of your life...her control-freakiness will scar you life.
Maybe i learn something from your experience before it happens to me too.
Luv and cheers.

Answer 8

You're brave, and smart, telling someone. That does not sound good at all! Please, call someone for help! I know we can't do much, but if you call someone for help, they can help you! No mother or father should do that!

Your sister sounds supportive. If she is, tell her as well. However, if she is NOT supportive, or would likely tell your mother, DON'T tell her.

Just call someone now! Please! Where do you live? I can find you a number to call.

Also, you have a right to leave. It's your life. Go with your husband... hopefully, he'll be better. If she says no, just leave. Make sure your husband is there while you do this. Tell him this too. I know it's hard, but it can't get much worse.

Answer 9

Americans live under a general rule of protecting the innocent..

I feel, if what you say happend, is true, then yes you were abused in American terms and your parents need to abid by our laws if they live here..

Answer 10

I think you are writing a story
if its true get help
if not true get help