Im with a man I love VERY much, and ive just confirmed that I'm pregnant. When i first suspected it he took a few days to himself, he freaked a little, bc we're both still in University and his fears would be that neither of us would get to finish our degrees. On the car ride home from the Dr this morning, he talked about gettin married "so we'd be doing this right". I know it would be the best thing for both of our families and no doubt our child.I love him soo much, we've been together for a year and a half, during which time he's always said he loves me, but he's never mentioned marriage before. It bothers me that the baby is the reason he wants to marry me. Are his reasons wrong? I want to be his wife, but i would be wrong to marry him? - - please don't think I tried to "trap him".
2007-02-01 07:49:48 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
Alright I was in the same shoes you are in, we got pregnant and he then proposed to me and I politely declined because I didn't want him to feel like we had to get married because of us having a baby. Do not take the next big step unless you feel it is right from your heart. I live my now fiance more than anything and he is the greatest man I have ever met, but I didn't want to just get married because we got pregnant. If he loves you and is going to be there for you and his child then accept the proposal and then just set a date for whenever the two of you are ready, that is what we did and we are getting married in September almost two years after he proposed. Don't feel pressured into doing something that you are having doubts about, if you both want to go and get married more power to you hun. I wish you the best of luck and congrats on the new baby to be. Children are one of the greatest gifts from God.
DON'T LISTEN TO THE GOON ABOVE THAT SAYS IT IS HEALTHIER FOR A CHILD IF BOTH MARRIED PARENTS RAISE THE CHILD, YOUR BOYFRIEND SHOULD BE THERE FOR YOU NO MATTER WHAT. MARRIAGE DOESN'T MEAN THAT IT IS A GUARANTEE THAT THE MAN WILL STAY AROUND AND HELP OUT WITH THE CHILD. DO WHAT YOUR HEART TELLS YOU IS RIGHT!!!!
2007-02-01 09:18:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is a very big step and ideally it would be the best thing for a child to have both a mommy and a daddy living under the same roof. However; it doesn't necessarily mean that this is the right step right now. It sounds like you both have a lot on your plates and with a baby on the way it will be even more stressful. Being in a marriage that neither one of you are totally sure about would add even more stress to the picture. Babies are a huge responsibility and they can sense (even inutero) any type of stressful situation. Why put a child through a divorce if things don't work out??
2007-02-01 08:00:16 · answer #2 · answered by margarita 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not think you tried to trap him. The same thing happened to me ( I was 26 though and not in school). However, I did get pregnant before marriage and for me it was good and bad. It's been 10 years and we are still married and have 3 beautiful daughters, but it has been a hell of a ride. A very bumpy one I might add. We weren't dating as along as you ( only about 6 months_I'm not a floosy - I only had one other boyfriend my whole life), but I really thought we loved each other. Looking back, I regret getting married because we've had so many problems. We are just not right for each other and he is not really a family man. I feel he only married me out of obligation and truly wasn't ready for this. Your situation may be different, and maybe he truly is the marrying kind and does love you heart and soul. You are going to have to do alot of soul searching and be sure. I know it isn't easy, you are still young and in school, but don't make things worse by getting into a marriage that you are not ready for. Make sure you and he are truly great friends and respect each other, cherish each other and are going to be able to work as a team. Hopefully, you both have supportive families that will back you up whatever you decide ( I know it can be hard dealing with this kind of situation when it comes to telling your family and such ). Good luck in whatever you decide. I hope it works out for you.
2007-02-01 08:05:45 · answer #3 · answered by michelle 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you both love each other. Maybe it just took a baby to help nudge him in the right direction. If he's as crazy about you as you are him, marry the man. All 3 of you will benefit. If you don't accept, he might not offer again, thinking you just prefer to live with him.
My guy proposed after finding out I was pregnant. We had never talked marriage before either. Much later we talked and we agreed that it took a baby to show us how much we wanted to be with each other forever. We've been together almost 11 years now and married 9. Its been good, real good.
It sounds like he loves you first and marriage is just a natural thing to do next. Maybe the baby forced him to rush things a bit. Talk to him. See how he feels. But don't turn him down just because he proposed after he heard about the baby. If you are both in love, marry!
2007-02-01 08:02:23 · answer #4 · answered by Velken 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't marry him. Tell him that you're quite happy to all live together as a family but until he can get up to that altar and honestly and truthfully promise to cherish and love you for the rest of your lives then you're not legally binding your lives, finances, and such. No offense but sometimes men don't react well to unplanned pregnancies. Sometimes they run. Sometimes they don't run until the baby is born and the reality sets in of just what they're in for. Wait a bit. If he proves he's really serious about being a husband and father then go ahead and say "I Do" but don't just jump into it feet first without thinking. It's easier to wait a little bit then go through a divorce after the worlds shortest marriage. And I am truly sorry if this came out in a offensive way but sometimes the truth isn't pretty.
2007-02-01 20:59:56 · answer #5 · answered by evilangelfaery919 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm in a weird situation, too. My boyfriend and I were considering getting married this summer, and now I'm pregnant, and I don't want to get married while I'm huge, but I feel like rushing the whole engagement and wedding thing because I'm pregnant could be a mistake. I want to marry this man, but Iat first I felt like everyone would thin we were just getting married because I was pregnant, and that felt trashy to me. However, I've thought long and hard about it and I think we're just going to bump the wedding date up many months to before I'll start showing. Maybe your boyfriend never mentioned marriage before because you are still in school...maybe he just didn't think you two were old enough to be thinking about this. Just have a long discussion with him and make sure that he wants to marry you and spend the rest of his life with you...not "do the right thing" because you're pregnant. Only you can really know what's right for your relationship!
2007-02-01 10:03:32 · answer #6 · answered by grayhare 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a tough decsion, but there are other options. If you are students, more than likely you are not financially established yet, correct? Do you know how much a baby is going to effect your lives???? Plus with a wedding in the same year or close to the birth? Have you at all considered adoption? Giving the child a chance at life, and also, giving yourself the necessary time to grow up in to a responsible adult? I am not trying to tell you that marriage is or is not the right thing, atleast he is supporting you. However, you do have options. Good luck
2007-02-02 03:34:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
At this time I would say not to marry him. if the baby is the only reason he asked you then that is not reason enough.Talk to him and make sure that he wants to marry you and not just because of the baby. also i would say that maby you need to talk with your parents and his about this. Marriage is a big step and one not to be taken lightly. What would you do if in five years he told you he did not want to be with you. Believe me It can happen, in fact that is what my aunt did to my uncle but ins ted of 5 years she waited 15 years and four kids later. She told him that she has not loved him four 14 years and that she wanted to get a divorce. Think about it be for you do anything and just remember that it is not always best to get married just because of a baby on the way. One last thing sorry if you want to marry him try having a long engagement say 2 to 3 years and then you both can make that decision.
I hope i have helped in even a little way .
Amy J
2007-02-01 08:00:40 · answer #8 · answered by Amy L 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Get married, it's not a trap, you're together for a while and marriage must have been in the plan sooner or later. He's right, do the right thing. Whether it will work out nobody knows, look how many people get married without a baby on the way and it doesn't work out. You have a precious little thing in common and it is the right thing to do.
2007-02-01 08:23:01 · answer #9 · answered by Mightymo 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think if you are considering marriage, you should wait until after the baby is born. Make sure that you are getting married because you are in love and you want to be together forever. If its because of the baby, then you will be miserable.
2007-02-01 08:21:31 · answer #10 · answered by Kimi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋