My eight-year old daughter was not accepted into her school's gifted program. How can I break the news?

Question

My eight-year old daughter, "Marti", took a test to be accepted into her school's gifted program. However, a few minutes ago, I received a phone call informing me she had not passed the test. This didn't really make me upset or anything, as I expected it to be an extremely difficult test, so I didn't get my hopes up. However, I do expect Marti to be very disappointed. My little girl wanted this very much, and was hoping to do well. I love her very much, and do not wish for her to be hurt. I was told I can sign her up for the test again, if a teacher of hers recommends it, and I would LOVE her to give it another shot, but I don't know if she will be afraid of rejection. However, there is something inside of me that says she can do it. I know Marti, and she will do WHATEVER it takes to get something she wants, so I'm at least HOPING with is the same way. Is there anyone who could give me some advice on how to not only deal with the situation but tell my daughter this?

Answer 1

Hey, at least she wasn't declined because of her race. Having one more white student would've catastrophically disrupted the racial balance required to maintain funding of one school's G&T program. According to them anyway.

But yeah, just be honest with her, you can't shelter her from every failure. You would be doing her an injustice to sugar coat the world.

Answer 2

Ha! How ironic! Something similar happened to my mother's friend a few years ago! Let me tell you the story.



"Annie" was smart. No, really. She loved to learn. You could say she ate the text books.

One day, when Annie was in the second grade, her mom met up with Annie's teacher after school. She told her that she wanted Annie to take the gifted test. And you know what? She did. And you know what? She failed.

As soon as Annie's mother heard the news, she was speechless. What had just happened? It didn't seem possible. I'm sure you probably know what it feels like.

So, eventually, she had to tell Annie. I believe she waited a few days after the results came in to break the news. But anyway, what she told her was that the verdict was left as "undecided". She told Annie that a decision could not be made by her score.

Now, I for one thought this wasn't such a brilliant move. I mean, she technically WAS lying.But then again, she WAS protecting her child. So, what exactly you will tell "Marti" is up to you.

Ah, but wait! The story doesn't end there. Annie accepted the news and hoped for next time. Hopefully, her mother thought, next time will come in enough time for Annie to have learned all the required skills. Next time came sooner that expected and maybe even hoped.

Annie was in third grade when she took the gifted test again. Her teacher LOVED her, and gave her all the support she neede. She continuously pushed her to do her best. And you know what? She passed.

Now, Annie is eleven years old. She has won several writing contests, has been declared "the smartest kid in the school" by many of her classmates (some even in the gifted program), and will be representing her school in a local spelling bee in March. Her mother and father both know that she has the capability of winning. And you know what? So do I.



So it just goes to show you that you might be extremely brilliant and still not pass the stupid test. I have also heard of people being extremely stupid and still passing that test, but that's another story. The point is, a gifted test doesn't mean a thing. It really doesn't.

And you know what? If "Marti" wasn't accepted into the program now, I bet you ANY MONEY IN THE WORLD that it was for a good reason. Why do I say this? Well, if Annie had not entered the gifted program at that moment, she would have not been able to win so many of the things she had today. AND, if she had been accepted into the program originally, she would have faced mountains of homework she simply was not ready for.

So you know what I say? I say your head is in the right place. Your daughter seems like a lovely girl, as well. And as for the people who said no to her, well, they're just idiots. It's like J.K. Rowling's story: she was rejected several times when she asked for someone to publish her first Harry Potter book, and when she finally got someone to publish her book, she earned some well-deserved apologies.

Answer 3

tell her that she did not pass the test but she was very close and is able to pass the test again. tell her you will do all you can to help her pass and maybe if she doesn't pass the next time it is the best thing. the worst thing to do is lie to her, just let her down gently. There is a lot of clever children out there and not getting into gifted programs isnt the end of the world. There is a gifted and talented program at my school which i am in for many subjects, but a lot of my friends are really clever as well and they are not in it . There is just a limited amount of places. some kids are really clever in class but not do good in tests, so all you have to do is help her to revise and she has a good chance of passing. good luck!!

Answer 4

just tell her like its not a big deal and its okay. if this is something she really wanted she will be disapointed but make it into a positive. like say "well, maybe if u study a little bit more everyday than u can take the test next month". you can't protect her from every disapointment in life, so this is your chance to teach her how to deal with it.

don't forget to tell marti that u are so proud of her for even taking the test and that was so brave of her to try.

Answer 5

Rejection is a big part of learning and succeeding. Just explain to her that it is disappointing but she did her best and that is all you ask. Tell her that the most successful people in this world fail and get rejected over and over. It is the best way to make you strong in the end. Tell her how proud you are of her efforts and that you are amazed how well she did even if it wasn't a passing mark. Congradulate her on her hard work and hard efforts, not the end result which is what children tend to only focus on like (that gold star, winning etc.) They don't have that control only their efforts are controllable.

Answer 6

First of all, don't sugar-coat it. You need to be honest without destroying her self-confidence, but there was a reason and she shouldn't be allowed to think otherwise. I have an 8 year old son that had to repeat a year due to his speech-language-articulation issues, but I was honest and said that he needed more practice sine his schools focused more on his intelligibility and now that that was taken care of he was going to receive extra practice that they felt was better to hold off on, but do not lie...it will only be worse in the end. If she's as determined as you say, then explaining the "extra practice" may work, but also, I would be concerned if my 8 year son allowed this to interfere with his self-confidence the way you think it's going to affect your daughter.

Answer 7

Do not tell her a lie. No matter what. You shouldn't tell a kid a fib just so she will be happy (except the Tooth Fairy bit). Teach your kid to roll with the punches. Tell her the truth. She's not smart enough.

Answer 8

Maybe just tell her you signed up too late and all spots were taken, you dont want to tell her the thruth because you might make her really sad, maybe even tell her that she passed but next time you try to get her in, help her study so she actually aces it. i dont know, im not a parent, but good luck

Answer 9

Start out by saying, "honey,...."

Sorry but was it really her desire or was it yours? She will probably be just fine. She's a kid. Let her be a kid.

Answer 10

who wants to be in a gifted program anyway. If I was given the opportunity to choose to be in it or not, I wouldnt want to be in it.. usually non-popular kids are in it.. so tell her to be happy.