i was with my boyfriend for 3 years and a few months.....i loved him (still do, in a complicated way) and he seemed to have his world revolve around me....but every couple months, id get a doubt in my head or wish he was this or that etc...but id always shut myself up and figure i was being emotional and selfish. i also had several occasions where i asked him to do things to improve his personal hygiene or dependablilty, which were both in pretty sorry states, and he would swear that he would, make a great effort for about a week, then go back to his old ways without even an im sorry, just excuses why i shouldnt be mad at him this time...
i broke up with him a week and a half ago. some people are telling me it was the right thing to do, others saying that hes totally immature and just obsessed with me, and others that ive got it all wrong....hes been going around whining to all my friends about how upset he is to the point where they complain to me about it.
am i being stupid?
2007-02-01 07:04:58 · 14 answers · asked by Mary J 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
also, we had been engaged since october of last year, had had sex 5 times (protected sex).
obviously i am feeling the natural regrets of any breakup, but i want to know if theres a way to be sure that i was right to break up with him...i gave so much to that relatinoship that i feel like i have nothing left to give to anyone else...and like other guys will see me as a slut b/c im not a virgin anymore....i feel so empty inside and so heartbroken.....the more i talk to him now the more i see his immaturity, and thus the more i just cant take him back.....but the emptier i feel...
im a major romantic, and i want a family and kids really badly....i just wanted a man that i could depend on and love with my whole heart and soul--and i was let down one too many times...
advice? on any aspect of this?
2007-02-01 07:07:46 · update #1
oops, i did for get to say this: do i still love him? well, like i said im still feeling the normal regrets that go with a breakup....he does know me better than anybody else in the world...i do still care about him in the sense that he was my first boyfriend, my first kiss, and the only man ive ever made love with....
but the immaturity and the obssessiveness make it seem like the last three years were just fake...
2007-02-01 07:13:25 · update #2
If you had enough resolve to go through with breaking up with him, the things that he did bothered you enough that you didn't want to stay together. I don't think you're being stupid at all.
2007-02-01 07:09:21 · answer #1 · answered by Julie K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you did what was right for yourself. only you know what is best for you and what you need to get better. forget what everyone else is saying. what about YOUR heart and YOUR mind. You did what was right.
i went through almost the same thing. He was very dependent on me. He was very immature. I was the one carrying the relationship. we were together 2ys7mos. We had planned to get married to have children. He was the first guy in my life that I had been with where I NEVER EVER doubted his fidelity, and that something that is of utmost if not the most important to me.
he was emotionally unstable too. Told em he couldnt live without me, he was a cutter and began cuttign himself again. was put in the hospital. I took him back b/c i loved him so much and though well with love we can make it through anything. i was miserable the whole time. he started cutting again and i dint want to break up with b.c i thought itd throw himover the edge into suicide watch. But who was I livign for him or myself? Shoudl I stay with him and be miserable so HE can be happy. Or should I leave and be happy. I had to come to terms that if i left him and he hurt himself, that wasnt my fault, it was his own instability. He hsould have known that he cant put all his life into a person. we can grow together but we can not merge!
i had to do what was right fo rme no matter how bad it hurt. i called him all the time telling him i still loved him, but couldnt be with him. big mistake. anyway, love cant fix ppl ok? u need to live your own life, if he cant be in it in a fashion that you are happy, well he doesnt need to be in it.
sometimes i think ill end up alone b/c noone else will ever love me like that, and i will be childless. but if that happens. it wasnt meant to be.
2007-02-01 15:09:03 · answer #2 · answered by Tian 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My heart aches for you. How totally sad. Age and life experiences most often produces maturity, so if you can hang in there with him.... maybe you will slowly start to see changes. You say he did make some temporary efforts to improve some areas that concern you. It's not like he didn't try at all. If you two continue with good communication, it may help a great deal.....or not.
You are obviously the more mature one and it's up to you to decide how much more time and effort you want to put into this relationship. Best of luck to you.
2007-02-01 15:18:02 · answer #3 · answered by Patricia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you did what you thought was best for you. it may seem selfish to others but others weren't in your shoes so seriously, what do they know. you were and are not being stupid. you did what was in your best interest and it is better to see that now then later. right now you have no commitment to him and though it was long term, it isn't the end of the world. for a very long while you will be unsure of your decision, but as long as you keep looking forward, you'll see that you did the right thing.
the guy wasn't even willing to change his hygiene... that's just wrong. i bet that was the least of your relationship problems. either way, you may have and still love the guy, but still, you were not being to picky or selfish. hygiene is in both of your interests and dependibility is important and if you couldn't depend on him then why be with him.
from your explaination you seemed to have done the correct thing. just keep you head up and look forward. you won't regret it.
2007-02-01 15:13:41 · answer #4 · answered by melloncollieromance 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No..you done the right thing. My wife is the same way, I would express how what she does and don't do effects our relationship with each other, and she'll make promises to do better and clean up her act for a week or two. Then go right back to her old ways, I think they do this just to pacifier us.
2007-02-01 15:11:10 · answer #5 · answered by Kdog 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not being stupid. You might be too judgemental about him but obviously you would if you're not too crazy about the guy. Follow your heart. If you think you made the right choice, just go out and have fun. He will move on and so will you! =]
2007-02-01 15:08:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
no u r not....its hard when u r goig ut with somebody who is immature like that...but still u have to learn how to work with someone like that to have a good relationship
2007-02-01 15:09:25 · answer #7 · answered by liz s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's not the one you want, you shouldn't be with him. Don't be with a guy just because you feel bad.
Do what makes you happy.
2007-02-01 15:07:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
no if theres all these things thats wrong with him than yall dont need to be together than
2007-02-01 15:10:07 · answer #9 · answered by ebony g 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why did you break up with him? you've said nothing about your feelings for him. do you still love him? is it only because you coudn't change him?
2007-02-01 15:09:45 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋