Why do ii feel this way when my boyfriend is so hopeful in the relationship?

Question

Okay this is how it goes,

my boyfriend && ii got back together about a month and a half ago after a two-week break up. && ever since we got back together, ii've been having memories of the past before we broke up. ii really want to let it go but ii can't. it still very much hurts.

yesterday ii saw my boyfriend && he looked so happy with me. wanting to hold me and kiss me and love me, but everytime he tries it's like my heart won't budge. ii mean ii love him && ii really want to work out our relationship and forget about the past; but the past still haunts me. ii just feel he's gunna be all nice and stuff towards me then snap back to the jerky attitude he had when we had problems.

my heart definitely wants to be with him but ii still have my guard up, scared he's just gunna break it again.

what should ii do?? do ii just have insecurity problems?? should ii let go of my past?? if so, how do ii let it go??

someone plz help me, ii really want to work this out.

Answer 1

first you must try to understand man-woman, we men are "hunters", women are "preys".

That said, it is like a cat and a mouse, the mouse has a special relationship with a cat, and the cat got angry once, and the mouse is scared. The cat still loves the mouse but now the mouse is afraid, although the mouse still loves the cat. The cat and the mouse found a way to be together again. Yet the mouse knows that the other is a cat. Even asleep, a cat remains a cat. And you know this now.

Make him understand this, that he understands that you know that he is a cat, and that if he becomes angry or a jerk, you will not feel well anymore, you will be scared and run away FOREVER. So he will have no excuse for the next time. BE EXPLICIT ABOUT THIS FEELING. It will be good for you and for him, clearly warning him about the limits and the serious consequences it may have.

But be explicit with him.
Explain exactly everything, he (at least i and some other men i know) should take more care of you than before. Any man will, on the arguemnts told above, take more care of you !!! and be more cautious at any time.

For you, it will be a healing process, because you will be opening your memory, and linking the event with the new attitude that he will have with you insteead of keeping it inside you with this old link. (which is negative for your couple)

Cat and mouse will be happy forever !!! (happy end )

Answer 2

Maybe you should seek counseling together.
Or by yourself.
I know there is plenty of fish in the sea but what are the chances that those other fish will be so much better.
After all we are all human capable of making mistakes.
We are not perfect.
The difference among ppl is that some choose to repeat the same mistakes while some choose to learn and grow from them.
The thing about relationships is that you will get hurt at some point in time. It's not all about UP moments. You are going to have some DOWN moments too. That's the nature of relationships.
If he has shown growth, I've seek counseling.
If he continues to be the same jerk he was, well you should maybe check out whats in the sea.

Answer 3

What you are describing is a lack of trust. When trust has been broken it takes awhile to get it back. It hasn't been that long since the break-up occurred.

It also depends what caused the break-up. If he forgot your birthday . .. that's one thing. If he cheated . . . well that's a bigee. And it is going to take longer to reestablish trust.

You describe the situation very well when you say your guard is up and you are afraid he will go back to being a jerk. That's normal!

The only way that you can get over it is to see if his behavior remains steady and then little, by little, you can let your guard down. I think you need to talk with him and tell him how you feel and why you feel that way. Be up front with him and let him know he has to rebuild and regain your trust. Women are a bit more cautious about that then men. But that's OK.

Answer 4

Don't be nice then....keep him guessing. Obivously he's one of those ppl that like to be treated badly rather than lovingly. Sort of like this: If you treat him coldly he'll keep trying to win your affection...if you try treating him lovingly he'll won't respect you and start acting like an @ss towards you b/c he has a self esteem issues. He doesn't have respect for himself that's why when you show him respect he doesn't respect you.

How can someone love someone else when they don't love themselves? So until he realizes his worth he will not respect the person that shows him his worth. Understand what I'm trying to say?

Do an experiment: For the next week or so treat him like a total domineering biitch. See how he reacts. Also, observe his mother. If she's domineering and doesn't treat him with respect then that's what he's use to and views that as love. *shrug* Or it could be he just messed up and regrets treating like a jerk....sort of like "You don't know what you have till gone." If that's the case then maybe you should open up your heart a little bit at a time.

Answer 5

It looks like you got your first taste of how your boyfriends acts and reacts when stressed or disapointed. You seem hurt and shocked and now you have your gaurd up. Don't worry becuase that guard is a natural instint to protect you. If your boyfriend is as caring as he should be then he will wait until you can trust him again. Let him know whats going on and that you would like to work it out with him, but its gonna take some time for you to get to know and love him more.

Answer 6

I know how you feel. You dont want to open yourself up to being hurt again, but guess what? You already have. Maybe your boyfriend does realize that he was being a jerk and will change, but coming from someone who has been in an on again off again relationship for 11 years, I will tell you that history very often repeats itself. Let it go though. Just know that you gave him another chance this time, but next time you see this same behavior pattern, that you will end it.

Answer 7

i know thats its going to be hard to let go of the past but ur going to have to to make the relationship work!! i'm in the same situation just like youbut me and the guy haven't got back to gether yet but i know for a fact that im not going to trust him as much as i did before but u have to be willing to take that chance and open up the same wound....it will take a while to make your descion but it will be worthit in the ned because yall have your life and your motives all planed out. And i also think that you should talk to him and tell him your feelings and then judge his answer to help you make your decsion!! GOOD LUCK!!

Answer 8

I'm in the same situation, we had a bunch of problems and he turned cold on me. After a short break-up its how it used to be again, and sometimes im worried it will go bad too. But IF he truly loves you then he will try to work it out. and you should try too, sometimes a break is good. you should let go of the past of how it used to be and focus on the "right now" if things goes bad again well thats your decision but for now just love him.

Answer 9

Well, it's hard to tell since I don't know what your problems were.
It seems like your boyfriend wants to give it a try so if you want the same, forget about the past (except if something you know you can't get rid of happened) and try to see this relationship as a new one.

Answer 10

sometimes keeping our gaurd up keeps us from getting hurt..even when we feel torn between the logical brain and sensitive heart, theres a reaosn.. he has to build your trust back up.. its okay to let your guard down a little bit.. but remember when the "jerk attitude" kicked in last you two dated.. if he can make it past that point.. then low and behold: hes a keeper..! just be careful.. you dont have to walk on egg shells.. you just have to navigate your path.. look a few steps ahead and think of what could go awesome, and what could so horrible. that doesnt sound too encouraging.. but when you picture good and bad.. neither wil stun the pants off of you.. just be careful to not get too negative.. if you have nothin but a negative outlook, everything will go negative.. its okay to remember the past, just dont dwell on it and think its goin to repeat..

<3 Mo