Why all the criticism for single parents and working mothers?

Question

I don't understand where alot of these women get off judging others because if the choices they make in their life? I am a proud single mom who does not receive ANY child support because her father "disapperared" and the state could not "find" him.
I have no choice BUT to work. Why am I crtitized? why are women critized for supporting their family and not taking off?
Where is all this judgement for the fathers they aren't around?
I don't get it.
Why does a working mother have it any harder than a stay at home mother? They don't. I would give ANYTHING to be there for my kid when she gets off at school but I do make sure she is taken care of. What gives ANYONE the right to jude another without even knowing what happened to get them there in the 1st place?

Heather Y. I was with this person for 5 YEARS, He had a well paying job, his own car, house, etc.
I am sorry buy you are way way off.
Do women think their husbands will cheat OR kill them?

Answer 1

*applause* I am a single mom and I don't receive one bit of child support from his "sperm donor". he also took off on me and he hasn't been able to be located so I have to work, and people can be very harsh and judgmental. I miss my son every minute of everyday but would people rather have me sit at home with my son and live off the government, no because then they would judge me for that! You just can't please people these days. I can take the judgement but the moment that someone steps over the line and insinuates that my son is being neglected or will somehow become a less than stellar member of society is when I get up in arms. Judge me all you want to but leave my child out of it

Answer 2

Everyone is in their position for a reason. It's not for others to judge. I think a large number of single moms out there were either never married, or really didn't do their due diligence when deciding to make children with their husband/boyfriend.

I don't think anybody would argue that the best place for a child is a "loving" two parent family (meaning natural mom and dad) with a stay-at-home-parent (mom or dad). Using your situation as an example, that's not always possible. So you do the best you can with the cards you were dealt. I think that's great!! I am sure your child will benefit from it.

What I don't like to hear (from others, not you) is how children are somehow better off in daycare then with a stay-at-home-parent. I totally disagree with this idea. You can have your child in the very best daycare, however those providers won't or can't love your child as you do.

All in all, I really wish women would spend a lot more quality time getting to know a man before laying down with him. Sex, unless married should not be entertainment, everyone tends to forget about the children, that's what makes me mad.

Answer 3

The women I have a problem with are the one who either:

a) make a horrible choice in a man and choose to procreate with a complete loser

or

b) decide that no one can tell them what to do and they're having a baby by themselves and screw the rest of you and my baby too

It doesn't sound like you fall into either of these categories, so I sympathize with your plight. However, many times women simply need to make better choices in their mates. If a guy is an asshole, why do you think a baby is going to make him into a better man? And if he is an asshole, why do you think that society should be forced to pay for your bad decisions?

As for the women who just get pregnant "on their own" and then complain about how hard it is, I don't feel bad for them one bit. You made your bed, now lie in it.

Again, it sounds like you're one of the unlucky ones who thought they had a decent man and thought they would be able to make it and everything just turned out crappy. I don't judge you. I think that women like you, where the father is no where to be found, are amazing. I would have a very hard time doing what you're doing. VERY hard time.

Answer 4

It's not the single working mom's that are being picked on. They have no choice but to do what they can to support their children.
it's the two parent families that choose to not give up the second income and the mom's go to work instead of staying at home with their kids. They are the ones that choose money over their children. Not the single hard working mom's like yourself. These mom's will say that they need the extra income ..meanwhile we all know that putting a child in daycare also cost alot of money and most of these moms are just about breaking even anyway. Applause to all you hard working single mom's!!!! You deserve It!!!
momof4

Answer 5

I don't know, I guess the only people who do know are the people who criticize you. Maybe it boosts their self esteem. or they were taught that single mothers were to be looked down upon & were not to be accepted? Who knows & try not to care!! Ask your self these questions: Do I love my kids? Am I doing the best I can as a parent to support them both emotionally & financially? If the answer is yes then ignore the ignoriant people!! They don't know you or your situation & have no right to judge you!! If you answered no to any of the questions ask : WHere can I improve.how?. I'm sure you are doing the best you can & you just have to be true to yourself & bbe there for your kids. Ignore others & instead of edovting your time to being angry about idiots talk to your kids. I'm sure your a great parent & that your kids are lucky to have you. I am only 16, but in about 9yrs I plan to adopt children & i will be a single parent by choice & if others dont agree or accept me that will be THEIR problem. Good Luck!!

Answer 6

Hi
I agree- big applause to you for what you're accomplishing.
I never hesitate to sound off on these kind of questions as a working mom because of the women up there on their high horse about being a SAHM. Someone once and for all needs to clear the air- there is a huge difference between living comfortably on one income and scraping by- and there is a huge difference between the working mom who brings home enough after daycare to be able to make things like saving for college possible and putting money aside for a rainy day that always comes- and the ones who clearly don't need to but work because they don't want to be with a baby all day.

We could be the ones who scrape by but I refuse to be in debt, I don't see anything noble about it, I refuse to be a martyr. Emergencies don't wait until kids are old enough for school so I can work part time then. A tree fell on our house last year. Homeowners insurance did not pay. Imagine if I had not been working- fixing a massive hole in the roof of your house is not "optional". We were financially prepared thanks to what I consider a good decision. To me part of being a good parent is financial responsibility to your household.

I love my family, I would like to be home with my daughter- I hate the stress of managing work and home life but I am comfortable with her daycare, I can go there whenever I want- it was not just a flip a coin decision- a lot of research went into finding the best value and best care for her.

Answer 7

Screw all the opinionated bitches out there who have to make themselves feel better by criticizing other women. You love your child and you do the best for her, no matter what.

So your man wasn't the best father material. What else is new? And someone had the audacity to suggest that you should have seen that one coming. Cracks me up. As a lawyer I see a lot of those "good responsible family men" go bad when they hit 45 (how about 60% of them?) and suddenly their housewives find themselves without a husband, raising 3 kids and trying to outrun bankruptcy. You can't 100% trust ANY man to do the right thing, no matter how carefully you pick him, and as long as you are doing the right thing for yourself and your child, you should be proud of yourself.

And the stuck-up matrons who run their mouth about single working moms, who gives a rat's **** about what they got to say? Who knows, they might be chasing THEIR men for child support next year.

Answer 8

The goal of a lot of people is to try to keep people from getting into your situation in the first place. We want people to choose wisely in a partner who will be supportive and a good provider. I commend you and other single moms who work hard to provide all by themselves, and do the best that they can. But there are criticisms that fall to both parties in the vast majority of situations like yours. Now, I am not talking about those who were raped, had their spouse die, or other truely tragic situations.

But, most of these guys who take off never to be heard from again can be identified for who they are BEFORE you get pregnant. These are the guys who go from one low paying job to the next. The guys who have never taken responsibility for anything in their lives--it's always someone elses fault that they can't hold a job, or apartment, or anything else. So when that type of guy takes off, its no surprise. As an employer or low-skill workers, I can tell you the time between recieving a wage garnishment and having these guys quit is about 5 minutes. They just go off and get another minimum wage job until the paperwork catches up with them again.

As women, it's our responsibility to pick a good father for our children. And its not enough to get caught up in the moment because it feels good at the time.

Absolutely, you're doing the best you can in your situation, and there are thousands of other women doing the same. But, please help us educate the next generation so that they don't have to take on the same hardships.

Additional:
Obviously you're not looking for an actual answer as to why some people criticize single moms. I qualified in my original answer that the circumstances I was describing did not necessarily relate directly to your situation. So let me just give you what you actually want to hear: its not right for anyone to judge anyone else, nor to try to influence people to make better decisions to try to prevent, to the best of their abilities, from becoming a single parent.

Answer 9

Some people seem to feel better about themselves & their choices if they put others down.
I'm a single working mom, too. I have to work because my son's dad is nowhere in sight, just like yours. If anyone criticizes me, I don't hear it. These days, at least where I live, both parents work, unless the husband is earning so much that the wife doesn't WANT/HAVE to work. As women, we have to work better and harder than men, and we still earn less money than they do! That's the real shame.

Answer 10

My daughter is a single parent, but not by her choice, the baby's daddy is in state prison, they are trying to work things out, and when he gets out, we will see how things go. But for now, she accepts her responsibility, works hard, has me and her dad to help with child care, and on top of all that, she is bipolar and has to take meds for that.