What are your views on holding a child back in school?

Question

Have you ever done it?
If yes - are you glad you did? Do you regret it now?
If not - Would you if it were recommended? Why/Why not?

She is a borderline student. The school would pass her but we would be able to hold her back. The problem is she is in the 6th grade. She has never had problems before this year, she always made A-B's and an occasional C. Her teacher says she just doesn't pay attention in school. She is emotionally immature and is already in counsiling for problems she had in the past when she live with her birth mom. I am afraid if we don't hold her back she will not make it in Jr. high, but I am afraid if we do it will damage her self-confidence (as she alread struggles quite a bit with that.) The school is very small so everyone would know and kids can be cruel. I just wanted to hear of peoples views. I am discussing this with her and her teachers as well.

She is already in tutoring and has been for 4 years since we gained custody of her. I also help her and work with her. It seems like she can do it fine as long as someone is standing over her shoulder, but she can't/won't do it on her own.

Answer 1

As a teacher, it frustrated me in the past when I felt a student needed to be held back and wasn't (we don't really have a strong say in it). My husband is getting his masters in administration, so he's been reading books that actually explain the seemingly arbitrary decisions principals make regarding it.

Research shows that most children do NOT benefit from retention. IQ plays a part in the whole thing. If a child has a low IQ and is working to or above his potential, then holding him back will do more harm than good. There is also a sliding scale in each grade level of what students' grade equivalencies are that are considered acceptable. This usually ranges from 2 grades below to 2 grades above. It makes sense then, that a child in the 3rd grade could be working on a 1st grade level and it be okay.

With all that in mind, it really is something that should be determined on a case-by-case review. I have a student in my current class who was retained and is working RIGHT on the level all of my students should be working on. Although she should technically be working on a 4th grade 5th month level, she's working on a 3rd grade 5th month level. To me that means she IS making growth. I see it, and she's comfortable in her grade. If she were in 4th grade, she'd be below average and unhappy with her progress.

Wow, I totally rambled on there. My short answer is that I would only recommend it in extreme circumstances when the child clearly needs retention. :)

Answer 2

My daughter was held back in first grade. They wanted to have her take kindergarten twice. Her birthday is in mid-August. She has always been small and she was very quiet. She was furious for her entire time in school because of this. Other kids teased her because of it. It made her hold back a lot from doing anything at school until high school. I even pulled her out and did home school in 8th grade. At 21 years old, she is 4'10". It didn't make her any taller!

My daughter could do the work. I was told it was about her maturity and social age. In her case that was ridiculous.

In our local schools, I think that some of the holding back is due to funding. If the school district can keep 20% of kids for an extra year, they get the funding for those kids which adds up to millions of dollars. This started to happen more here when there were fewer students.
The demographics changed. This is not to benefit the students.

Every child is different, though. You have to decide for yourself.

Answer 3

I think it is best to hold the chld back another year if it is recommended by the teacher, remember they are the ones who are dealing with the children on a daily basis and as a result they would be able to define a child who is 'in par' with the progress of children his/her age. The reality is mostly if a child is not academically ready to be promoted to another grade and does however, they obviously would not be able to keep up and at some point will fall way behind because they can't even relate to work from the previous level and therefore definitely would not be able to move on with their peers. What you can also do is some extra home studies with your child at home so he/she may get more practice and become more familiar and feel more comfortable and confident to perform in school. If it was recommended by a teacher for the child to be held back a year, please consider all avenues before disregarding the idea.

Answer 4

It depends on the child's age if it is K through grade 1 I think it's ok. But the older they are the more difficult it becomes to do. Unless you are moving and going to put them in a totally different school. The psychological effects it may have if the child is older and may be embarrassed or humiliated and teased by peers could be devastating. Kids are mean and it's hard enough to make make friends. I wouldn't do it to an older child but under 7 years of age I think it's ok. Just get the child a tutor to get caught up.
momof4

Answer 5

I was a terrible (really bad) student all the way through school but I went on to college and worked my butt off and became one of the best engineering student in my class all the way through grad school.

Everything that you're taught as a kid slides away from you as you get older, but you tend to hang onto image that people casted on you going through school. I was considered a "smart loser" so when it came time to do something with my life I felt like I was smart enough to accomplish what I wanted and loser enough to have a good time doing it.

If you make your kid feel like she isn't up to par with the other kids you'll break her spirit and that's worth way more than any nonsense that a kid is going to learn in grade school.

Anyways, if you could go back to grade school right now would you spend your afternoons reading a math book or would you have the time of your life not having to pay the bills and worry all the time...

Answer 6

No, I've never done it; however, my husband was held back as was my neice. My husband it was because of medical issues so he started kindergarten late. It really didn't affect him much. He made friends, got excellent grades, and got into a good college.

My neice was held back because of learning disabilities. She went to another school for a special education teacher which helped her catch up quite a bit besides putting up with the cruelty of the other kids.

I think you need to do what you feel is best for your child and not neccessarily what will benefit you. Good Luck!

Answer 7

I don't see the harm in holding the girl back a grade...you said she is in tutoring for 4 years....and is that working? Have you thought of summer school for the girl? She seems to be going through more things than 10 girls her age should be going through. A second year in the same grade...might help her bring her he bad grade into A's...and that will bring up her self-esteem.

Answer 8

It is better to hold a child back early on in their education than to push them forward only to fail. Children should be set up for success - not failure. You want them to enjoy school and not dread it for the rest of their life. I am a teacher and have seen some wonderful results. It's better to hold a child back in kindergarten/first grade than fifth grade. As they get older, it's much more detrimental to them socially. Good luck!

Answer 9

First, if you do hold her back, dont worry about kids 'making fun' of her.. because here at my school, you actually fit in better when you are held back..so yeah, i hate it when parents say that if your child is held back kids will laugh at you because they dont.. it makes you 'cool'.. and yeah, I was held back in the 7th grade [teachers choice] and im currently in 7th grade and kicked out of school lol well suppose to be going to a behavior school..but mom is trying to get me back in.. anyway, i would just let her move on to the next grade..

Answer 10

Well my aunt did this with my cousin and it worked out for the better now his getting old and doing just fine in school. I would recommend this to anyone that sees that their child needs a little more time. There's nothing wrong with that....