need advice on parenting with a difficult child?

Question

I am the mom of two children a 7yo and 4 yo, my 7yo is having alot of problems in school and at home with his behavior and any type of authority.we have seen doc after doc,family counceling, meds, different schools,he was diagnosed with bipolar and nothing yet has seemed to make a difference, we have tried all kinds of disciplne action,from taking things he enjoys the most for his misbehavior,givng them back,spanking,time out, reward programs where he earns money,talking to him and the school is trying to do everything they know to keep him there school,but he gets angry and wants to throw things and about hit a handicap kid in the face with a pencil and i'm so scared that he is going to get in a rage and really harm another child.That is like my worst fear. i know it seems like i'm just going on and on but look people i'm really at a lost here and i don't know what else to do. i'm open for any suggestion so if anyone can help please let me know! PLEASE NO NEGATIVETY THIS IS MY KID!!!

he is not on any meds we took him off about 4 months ago cause he had been on so many different ones since he was 4 and i hated him being on meds!!!

Answer 1

if he is definitely bi-polar, there is no cure - he must be medicated. i hate to say that because i can't stand to see people medicating their kids in this country the way we do, and i bet that's why you took him off them. but i've got a bi-polar relative, and the only time they are "right" is when they are properly medicated. it's the curse of the disease. Bi-polar disorder needs constant attention and monitoring, i'm sorry to say. He's lucky to have parents who are trying so hard to help him. God bless you, and please don't give up.

Answer 2

Bi-Polar is so hard to manage and the medications really do not work with children that well the reason being is the constant change in weight and height.

Have they put you child in a behavior class at school? Your rights as a parent or to ask them to meet the needs of your child and if they cannot provide what your child needs then you have the right to request that they put him in a private school. You have probably had Ards before if you have Bi-Polar child, and in the Ards you can specifically ask them to tell you what they are able to do and what they are not able to do.

Now let me target just you and your feelings. I know how you feel, I am the mother of an Autistic Child Who has very special needs and he is very aggressive. It is such a lonely feeling knowing that you have no control over your childs behavoir , and then you get the looks of others. There is a place to go on the net where you can find comfort and support. The name of the group is called Shadow Syndrome Children. They cover mild Autism as well as Emotional Problems such as Bi-Polar. You will be able to find lots of comfort and friends in this group, and you will also find people that will be able to help you ease some of your burden, and if not, they do have a lending ear.

I hope that this helps.

You can google yahoo group Shadow Syndrome Children I beleive is the name. Good luck, and maybe I will see you there.

Answer 3

Sorry, I don't have any advice - I'm dealing with a newly-diagnosed 18-yr. old who is bipolar and has borderline personality disorder. It's tough, there's so much social stigma and it seems like most advice comes from people who don't know what the hell we're dealing with, or what they're talking about! It takes time to get the meds adjusted to levels where the kid can function at something close to a normal level - the main thing I've learned is that I have to redefine "normal" when it comes to my son. I'm only about 3 months into this so I'm sorry I can't be of more help, but know that you're not alone - there are lots of us out here who are trying to cope. Look on the NAMI website for a support group near you, or even one on-line. Hang in there, and good luck - we're gonna need it!

Answer 4

It is very very hard to offer meaningful help over the Internet when we are only seeing a broadly general description of a behavior set, which we cannot put into the context of your family life - especially whether or not it's dysfunctional.

So, I have to assume that your family is not dysfunctional (if it is, that the fault of the parents, not the kids), and thus not a major factor in these issues.

You say you've been to family counseling, but what about individual counseling for your son? One on one counseling, especially to teach a bipolar child coping skills would seem to be in order here.

Your son may very well be 'acting out' as an expression of unhappiness, frustration, or both.

There is one suggestion that I do have - hunt the Internet or the library for kid oriented stories about kids challenged with disabilities and read to him - not for him to read - but for you to read to him. There is an in-explicable bonding that occurs between a child and an adult when you read to them. Reading about other kids in difficult circumstances may offer some relief to him feeling that he is unique in the world, that ony bad things happen to him, and that there is no way out.

Try to view his anger as an expression of frustration and try to find a way to penetrate into the frustration, and ignore the naturally resulting anger.

That's the best I can do under the circumstances.

Answer 5

I have a soon to be 4 year old daughter who has been known to go from happy to angry to happy to frustrated to happy to raging all in the span of 30 seconds. I understand what you are felling in terms of not knowing what to do to help him with his anger, time-outs, spanking, taking things away don't work for me either although a sticker chart has worked but not for this behaviour. This will seem kind of silly but we've realized that when she gets like that it's because she is in need of protein. She hadn't done it in a really long time and then this morning - disaster stroke and then I realized she'd only had toast for breakfast.

Try making sure he has some kind of protein at breakfast like ham or cheese or even a slice of pizza and maybe talking to a doctor or pharmacist about supplements or protein bars.

Not really 100% certain I'm giving you real advice but it's worked for us.

LOL

Answer 6

BI-Polar is difficult at best, I am sorry that you are going through this, but sorrier for your son. It sounds like they do not have him on the right meds. or the right amounts. Go back to the Dr's and let them know his behavior is not better yet. It is like this with all Bi-polar people. But you are right to worry about it. I have seen a boy at nine years old try to take his own life because he could never do anything right or that was how he felt. This is not his fault so keep fighting for him. He will be a blessing when this is taken care of but hold on tight it is a bumpy ride. I will pray for your whole family.

Answer 7

Parenting is a big job and it sounds like you have alot to deal with at the moment. My boys are older now and they didn't have the same issues as your boy does, (they did have others), but we always found that to focus on the positives, (however small) was rewarding for parents as well as our children. Anything they do that makes them happy or that they are good at give them calm and genuine feedback.
I know its hard sometimes but be happy to see him. His behaviour is not him and they should be seen as seperate. His behaviour will change but he will always be your boy who you love. Change his behaviour slowly and surely for the good, accept that every step may not be forward but keep going.
Be positive when you speak to him and don't expect him to do the wrong thing.
His difficult behaviour probably worries him as well, (even though he won't admit it). He may feel alone eg. "even my parents are angry with me and don't like me". He needs to know that he is not alone, that you love him, (not his difficult behaviour) no matter what, and that you love having him with you.
Turn off the TV as much as possible and take him to the park for a run, walk, frisbie, soccer, etc anything that he likes to do but make it fun rather than competitive as the competition can be a source of anger.
Don't give up on the medication. The vast majority of us use some form of medication for something, it's just a matter of finding the right balance. Diet can be really important as well. The rule of thumb we used was no to fast food, (except every now and then), and the fresher and simpler the better.
Be kind to yourself, take time (LOL) for yourself, partner and friends and give yourself credit for getting such a big job done.
Sorry for going on a bit but these were some of the things that got us through the early stages of the most important job we have.
Good luck.

Answer 8

I'm sorry that you're having such a hard time with your son. He is obviously very angry. When kids can't control their feelings they act them out. Your son needs to learn how to handle his anger.

You can teach him to release his angry feelings using EFT. EFT is Emotional Freedom Techniques (or Emotional Tapping). It's easy to learn and you can use on your son and also teach him how to use it on himself. The EFT website (www.emofree.com) has a FREE instructional manual that you can download right from the site.

There is also a book for parents and kids called Goodbye Ouchies and Grouchies by Lynne Namka.

I have been using EFT daily for about 8 months. I used to have a lot of emotional issues (mostly anger and depression) but now I am usually very happy and calm. When I get upset I just "tap" for a few minutes and calm right down. It is phenomenal.

Answer 9

What about giving lots of love. Just hug him and tell him you want to understand his anger. the more he fights you the more you want to tell him how much he is loved. Hug him every chance you get and smother him with kisses. He needs to get this a lot