He knows it was a problem about 10 years ago and he knows that I obses over my weight and what I eat, but I'm just scared that he'll want to leave me because I have this problem. He'll make fun of eating disorders on other people. I just don't know how to bring it up? We've been married for 3 years and we're both 26 years old. I know we both want kids in the future. Please help with any suggestions.
2007-02-01 05:29:17 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
If he knows you had a problem 10 years ago, he probably already suspects you have one now. He stayed with you knowing you had the problem back then, and he'll stay with you NOW.
The reason he "makes fun" of other people with eating disorders is because he is scared for you and he thinks that if he makes fun of other people, you'll be "shamed" into getting help for yourself. It's not the right way to go about it, I know, but he's probably having just as hard of a time addressing the issue with YOU as you are of bringing it up to HIM.
If you tell him that you are committed to getting help, I'm sure that not only will he be relieved, he will be devoted to helping you with it. He's not going to leave you because of an eating disorder; he loves you and he married you....give the guy some credit.
And really, this isn't about HIM...it's really about YOU and your health. You need help with this and I wish you luck. He sounds like a good guy, so show him how much you love him and trust him by asking him to help you heal.
2007-02-01 05:43:44 · answer #1 · answered by LolaCorolla 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are doing the right thing by thinking carefully about how to tell your husband. He won't love you any less, and as long as you work hard and show him you are serious about recovery. He probably won't leave you, he already has put up with your obsession with your weight (which I'm sure as you know can be very frustrating for people who do not have such an obsession.)
A big problem that all people with eating disorders seem to share is loving themselves. Having bulimia does not make you any less loveable. When he makes fun of other people with eating disorders, he is probably just masking his own discomfort. think it is more than fair for you to let him know that the humor hurts your feelings, because you have a history of eating disorders.
Becoming a mother sounds like a great goal to work towards, and it sounds like you know that it wouldn't be fair or healthy to bring children into the world until you have this problem under control. You are young, and you can do it. You just need to be super-motivated and get treatment that works for you.
When you tell your husband, first give him a warning that he is going to get bad news, don't blind-side him. Say something like, "I have to talk to you, and I'm afraid I have some bad news about my health."
Let him know clearly what you plan to do in order to get your bulimia treated and let him know clearly what he can do to support you. If you don't have a treatment plan yet, then put off talking to him until you do.
Give him the opportunity to express how he is feeling and be prepared to accept some criticism.
Let your husband know that he is the most important person in your life and that genuinely want to get better.
You can beat bulimia and I hope you have your husband's full support in doing so, you deserve nothing less.
2007-02-01 05:47:44 · answer #2 · answered by Kate Winter 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be honest with him. He should not make fun of you, and he definitely shouldn't leave you for it. Everybody has problems, everybody makes mistakes. He should help you overcome this obstacle, that is what marriage is all about. The first step to overcoming something is admitting there is a problem. You have done that. Seek professional help to overcome this disorder, and I hope he will be nothing but supportive and help you through this. Best of luck!!!
2007-02-01 05:33:52 · answer #3 · answered by JC N 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Say to him ... "I need your help and support so that I can get and remain healthy"
Sometimes it much easier to write ALL of what you want to say and give it to the other person. Take your time in composing the document.
No, this method is NOT a cop out. You can take your time and get ALL your thoughts down.
I think the first thing on your list is how your feel about your husband ... and your fears about losing him.
2007-02-01 05:53:52 · answer #4 · answered by Miss_Deb 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you in counseling? Maybe a counselor could help you on how to approach this with your husband. You need to tell him, so he can support you with your struggles. If he wants to leave you because of this, he's not much of a man or a husband.
2007-02-01 05:33:57 · answer #5 · answered by sczingal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why tell him? Your medical choices and diagnoses are your own business. Even the law says so. Leave him out of it. If you want treatment for it, that is your choice, but you don't have to tell him what is wrong with you. It's your business. It's YOUR body, not his.
2007-02-01 05:38:03 · answer #6 · answered by Jane Doe 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm 16 years old and i purge too i have been doing it for 3 years now
but my request is to seek professional help to help with yourself and your husband. but, if you want to talk to me about anything I'm here for you. mkandfa4rever@yahoo.com
2007-02-01 07:37:38 · answer #7 · answered by mkandfa4rever 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋