My 13 year old 7th grade son aggravates kids in his class - solutions?

Question

He has ADD and takes 20mg of generic Adderall at 8am and noon. He is at a point where he just aggravates the girls in his class, the teachers talk to him about it and even give him detention after 3 episodes. Of course he denies everything and blames other kids. I have sat him down with teachers and taken away priviliges, it keeps happening. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

A few things might help....

1. Each day (for now) find a way to follow-up so you know when he's been good and when he's had a difficult day. You might ask his teacher to write a little note in his agenda or whatever means of communication works for you and the school.) It's hard to find out what a 7th grader is up to in school because they're older and have a little more independence. But, remind your son that with independence comes responsibility.... and if he cannot be responsible you have to watch over him more closely.

2. Reawrd him when he does not aggrevate other kids. If he gets a good report, reward him with something he enjoys-- extra snack after school, more free time to play video games, whatever.

3. Make consequences clear beforehand. Tell him what will happen if he gets a bad report. Don't make too harsh, but be sure it's harsh enough so he remembers what he did.

4. While I understand that the ADD might be a facotr playing into his behavior, you cannot let him use it as an excuse. Remind him that ADD meands he must try harder to behave properly. It does not give him a pass to goof up once in awhile.

5. Blame vs. responsibility. If he admits to what he did, that's the first step. Don't be afraid to tell him that you appreciate it when he admits the truth-- even if it's not the truth you want to hear. Compliment him when he takes responsibility for what he has done.

Just some of my thoughts... hope it helps. Good luck.

Answer 2

They say there is no difference in generic medications, but I had problems with generic Prozac. I had to take the real Prozac not the generic, that could be part of the problem. Or he might just be a child who feels threatend by the opposite sex, he doesn't know how to get along with them. He might need to have some one on one time with a girl, not as a girl friend. But as them spending time together and him finding out they are just people too! ADD makes people think in different ways than others so it is difficult for us to understand, I suffer from medical problems and I try explaining this to people the best that I can in terms that they will understand. He isn't doing this on purpose, he just doesn't know any better! Or you try seeking counseling for him! I am sure you have been doing that or thought of that and it is a good idea and great advise! I hope this helps.

Answer 3

I agree with the writers who advocate that the child must accept responsibility for his actions. Keep in mind, though, that he may not be responsible for all of it. What I mean, is this: When a child has been identified as a "problem", some teachers tend to keep a closer eye on him, looking for him to mess up. He may not be the instigator every time. The girls may see that he gets in trouble, and instigate some of the "aggravation" themselves. I am also a teacher, and have seen this happen many times. So, don't take as the gospel truth that your son is totally responsible for what's going on. Yes, he may be responsible for much of it, but I'm sure the girls may be just as guilty!

Answer 4

The teacher gives him a detention?! Is she unaware of his problem? That is like punishing a newborn for pooping. Your son does not understand why or if that behavior is bothering others. And punishing him for something he isn't understanding is pointless. It will also make him hate school, his teachers, girls for causing the problem and you for allowing his teachers to be mean to him. That teacher's job is the same as yours. To help him identify the social cues of others and to respond in an appropriate manner. In other words, by the time he is 18 he needs to be able take HIMSELF away from the situation and get a grip before returning. Take him to a behavior councilor and tell her you want her to advocate for your son in the writing an action plan with the school and the teacher. They must come up with plan that everyone approves of to help your son stop, recognize his feelings and actions, and do something about it. He will be able to manage himself but someone needs to teach him how. No more detentions.

Answer 5

See if you can find an ADD or ADHD group in your city or town. Group support can be a big help here. Do a Google search for this. I know the groups are out there, I have several friends with children afflicted with ADD and ADHD. These children are very difficult to deal with, and normal punishment does not affect them.

Answer 6

A-contact the physician about what is happening. Maybe he has gained weight, his hormones are kicking in, etc?

B-contact your school's guidance counselor.

C- be open and honest and willing to be a responsible participant in the remediation of your concerns about your son.

D- no one has all of the instant answers or solutions, it is a group effort. Listen to, and work with, those who are there to help.

E- Follow suggestions without any excuses being made.

F- sometimes it comes down to the child makes CHOICES to do things the way he does......but making excuses for bad choices cannot be in the picture.

G- Make sure your child knows you are there with loving support and not to punish him...you are there to help improve things.

A- definitely, revisit things with his physician.

Answer 7

homeschool him.