what will make u think about reconciling with an estranged father whom u hate so much?
2007-02-01 04:22:54 · 5 answers · asked by tmac_spirit 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I had to do this 6 years ago when one of my brothers suddenly and unexpectedly died.
My advice to you: don't undertake a reconciliation by yourself. If you're serious about this, go find a therapist or counselor to work with.
That's what I did. I knew that if we didn't work with a counselor, my dad would just go back to the behaviors that had estranged me from him in the first place. We'd gone around and around and around before we broke off contact, and the situation was beyond my ability to deal with.
So I told my dad that if he would agree to go with me to a counselor to work on our relationship, I would agree to try to reconcile. And I held firm to that: no counselor, no relationship.
It worked out, although it's been hard and it's still far from perfect. My dad has admitted that he needed help for years before I persuaded him to get help. The counselor has helped me to change the way I view my dad and to understand that there are limits to what I can expect from him, and how I can deal with him in a way that minimizes the stress associated with dealing with him.
FWIW, I have to tell you that being stuck on hate is not a good thing, even if the person you hate is a hateful person. But hate and anger do you far more harm than the person who causes you to feel these things. I can testify that hate and anger just wear you out without helping you cope with the situation. Learning to let go of the hate and anger I felt was the best thing about getting counseling, because it helped me to get back a lot of energy that had been bleeding away feeding the fires, so to speak.
Don't try to make reconciliation with someone a do-it-yourself project. Get help from a professional.
Good luck.
2007-02-01 06:32:53 · answer #1 · answered by Karin C 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask yourself why you hate him so much. If it's because he wasn't there for you, consider that your mom may have sabotaged the relationship between the two of you to keep you "on her side". If that is not the case, just ask him if he wants to meet for lunch or something. He may be terrified of contacting you after all this time. Men tend to mature later in life and then regret what they have done (or not done) with their kids. It is never too late to have some kind of relationship. He may want one too but is afraid of rejection.
2007-02-01 14:26:55 · answer #2 · answered by dreamgirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you know WHY you hate him in the first place? Some people hate their dads because thats all they have ever known. If that's the case, then you need to talk to him and find out his side of the story.
If it was because of some other reason, then you have to decide for yourself if you want to re-establish ties.
2007-02-02 00:59:23 · answer #3 · answered by J D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him about what happened. Listen to HIS SIDE of the story. Chances are you just heard one story and the way to a truth is to hear all sides. Good Luck
2007-02-01 12:26:53 · answer #4 · answered by padiwan2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
stop being a brat and lesten to what he has to say
2007-02-01 14:28:52 · answer #5 · answered by Miss thang 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋