I just started school last year after 5 years of heavy drug use, I have been absolutly clean for 3 years now and I feel like I am working in the right direction, I hate to be selfish but I am just not ready for that kind of added commitment in my life right now. She just dosent understand and continues to ask every night and it just turns into a fight with her crying and me sleeping in the other room. Its driving me to insanity!!
2007-02-01 03:45:35 · 18 answers · asked by orange7770 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
She is being selfish by asking you to do this huge thing when you don't want to.DO NOT GIVE IN TO THIS!If you do u will resent her and the child and u will be miserable.You need to explain to her that you are not ready for a child and you are not going to take on a lifetime commitment to something you don't want just because someone else wants it.Tell her if she wants a child so bad she is gonna have to find someone else to do it because you are not ready for it right now.Obviously she has no idea what it takes to be a mother and father.I have two children and let me tell you I love them but its no bed of roses.I can't do anything I have no life what so ever.I can't even take a bath when i want to I have to wait till they go to sleep or hubby is home to watch them.I can't workout when i want,I can't go to the store,I can't go out with friends and drink a few.Here is an example my anniversary is this weekend we barely got a baby sitter for the night.I haven't been out drinking with friends since 2005 because i was pregnant and now have a baby.My husband and I are so unhappy sometimes because we miss each other and being together alone or going out and just kickin it with friends.Its so hard to never have any kind of life.Well I am not trying to sound like having kids is terrible but its a huge commitment and you have to whole heartedly be 100% ready if you want to be a good parent.The child has to always and I mean always come first.Your girlfriend needs a reality check she has no idea what being a parent takes if she has never done it.You also need to be concerned that she wants this because she thinks she can hold on to you that way...thats a question you need to ask her and lastly you are not married do not have a child if you can't even commit to marriage thats the first step....I am really trying to help you this is not easy please don't let her talk you into this she is being very selfish....
2007-02-01 04:07:25 · answer #1 · answered by samwise25 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whatever you do dont let her push you into something that you are not ready for. It sounds like you are getting your life back together and heading in the right direction. Right now you can be selfish and concentrate on getting your education and focusing on a career. Be careful that she doesn't lie about using protection. You should tell her no that you do not want a kid now and if she can't accept that then break up. Good luck and congratulations on being clean and sober!
2007-02-01 04:55:24 · answer #2 · answered by mom of twins 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its very clear that you are not ready to settle down and have a family. You are correct for wanting to finish school. I don´t understand why your girl friend has the need to have a baby. Having a baby these days is very big responsibility. If she thinks having a baby is like having a toy, she is very much mistaken.
Don´t get wrapped up in her feelings and make you go insane. If she won´t stop, then take a break from your relationship. Evaluate your feelings for her and see if she is the one that you want to settle down. If not, just concentrate in your studiesand go on with your life. There is so much to look forward to out there, you don´t need to be tied down right now. I have to congratulate you for stayng clean. Its a big step you have made in getting your life together.
First get your school finished and have a career. When you have established your career, then work on having a stable relationship, when you think you are ready starting on a family, the you can work on having a family of your own.
First thing is first and right now, I think you need to think about your self first. Without establishing your self first, you won´t be able to have anything stable.
Think strongly what you want for your self and your self only. When you know what you want, then you have to decide what you want to do...Stay in the relationship and give in to having what she wants or go on with your life and do what you want and need to do with your self.
Do what is mostly important for YOU!
Best wishes
2007-02-01 04:38:16 · answer #3 · answered by mia 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are on the right path my friend. You have to take care of yourself first before you can take care of anyone or thing! I'm proud of you for staying clean, keep it up!
It sounds to me that your g-f is wanting something, and if you won't or can't give it to her and she can't accept that move on. I know that sounds harsh, but if she's driving you nuts to have a baby and you do, what do you think she's going to be like after that baby comes? I have a few thoughts. Tell her to stop it, when your ready you'll let her know.! If all else fails get her a puppy! LOL
2007-02-01 03:53:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
may be you are not explainig youself more properly.have a one on one talk on a day thats bright and beautiful,i mean on a day when you're both in good moods.give her the opportunity to explain first why she wants the baby and tell her too why you can't let that happen.you both are rational beings and the only way you can come out of this is by talking and not just talking but by listening to each other and understanding one another.something can be done only if one would be patient enough to listen and be more understanding about what the other thinks
2007-02-01 04:15:01 · answer #5 · answered by mailsberry 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't sound like she is ready for a baby either and certainly not mature enough yet.
I would seriously reconsider this relationship if she can't respect your feelings on a decision as important and life-altering as having a baby. This is not something to be done on a whim and I commend you for having the maturity to know that you're not ready yet.
A girl who is reduced to temper tantrums over not getting her way is certainly not mature enough as a woman to have a baby yet. If she can't respect your decision to wait a year or two, I would really reconsider if this is even the right relationship for you.
Good luck!
2007-02-01 03:56:18 · answer #6 · answered by LindaLou 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would dump her. She sounds troubled and you dont need that in your life. You sound like you have been through enough of your own and are going in the right direction. Keep up the great work and get away from people who will bring you down. A baby needs to be a joint decission. My husband and I have 5 we have 4 girls and our last a boy. Best of luck to you!
2007-02-01 04:36:40 · answer #7 · answered by Sassy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like you and your girlfriend are on two totally different levels in your life right now.
You've got your life turned around, and you're going full force in the right direction. You know what you want, and you know how to get to it, and you're on your way there.
She on the other hand is throwing a temper tantrum, being very disrespectful to you, and it sounds like she's acting like one of those 15 year olds from the Maury Show that are trying to get pregnant just because they want someone to depend on them.
It sounds to me like you need to back away from the girl for a while and keep going in the direction you're going with your life.
2007-02-01 03:52:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have thrown away the drug habit and you are clean, in order to stay clean, have a baby, because the kick of seeing your own blood and flesh in your own hands is some thing none of your designer drugs will be able to provide,and just staying with the baby and changing her nappies and putting her to sleep itself will take care of all your free time that you will not be able to think not only drugs but even a cigerrate, so try it., it is enjoyable for both of you.
2007-02-01 04:00:08 · answer #9 · answered by ramy 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No
If you want to stop fighting with her, make a deal
Tell her after you get out of school, you to will get married, and start trying for a child.
If she does not like this, she is being selfish
Good luck
Do not have a child with anyone just to make them happy
2007-02-01 06:00:43 · answer #10 · answered by Halo Mom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋