The other day, my girlfriend, of almost 9 months said, "I love you" to me. I told her that I loved her about one month ago, but she didn't say it back. Anyway, since she has said those three words, I've been scared. I'm not scared to commit to her, but I'm scared that I can't give her and her beautiful daughter the life she deserves. I think about all the irresponsible decisions I've made in my life, and I can't help but think that I'm going to mess something up in this relationship. I want to have kids, but I'm afraid that I'd be a bad father because of my bad upbringing. I'm not a very social person, but I try my damndest. This woman means the world to me. Are my feelings of fear normal? I'm in this for the long haul, but I just doubt myself. I don't want her to know how scared I am because it may push her away from me.
2007-02-01 03:39:10 · 23 answers · asked by chickenbeansoup 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Saying, 'I love you' is a big deal. She obviously took a risk being in a relationship with you when she has a daughter to look after. It's so great that you care about her and her daughter and feeling scared about what comes next is natural. It sounds as if the 'fight or flight' response is kicking in here. It's that feeling you get to either fight for want to you want or you can just give in to your fear and run.
The way you were raised does not necessarily mean you're going to be a bad father. One does not have an effect on the other in many cases. Just because someone comes from a family of divorce does not mean they are going to get divorced. If you two have been together for 9 months then you've probably spend plenty of time with her daughter. It sounds like you care about her as well and that really says something about your character and who you are.
You have made some bad choices in your life. Who hasn't? The point is, you 'made' them, past tense. Did you learn from them? I hope so. We all make mistakes and we can either whine and cry about them or learn from them and move on. I suggest you learn from them and move on. It seems like you have a great relationship and a lot to be thankful for. You have a wonderful woman that loves you and wants to be with you. You don't find love everyday, so when you do I suggest you hold on to it and let the fear go. Don't let it stop you from living your life.
All my best.
2007-02-01 03:49:35 · answer #1 · answered by Blue Eyes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, don't be so dramatic! She told you that she loved you! That is a beautiful thing! It's not like she said, "Let's get married." So just chill on that whole deal for a minute. Now, your an adult now. Your not a little kid living with your parents who provided a bad upbringing. OK? Your free to make good choices and positive decisions. No matter how bad your up bringing, you still have the choice how to behave. You love her, too! And now she told you that she loves you! You refered to her daughter as beautiful!! How bad and dangerous of a man could you really be?!? Just go with it, dear. You'll be just fine! You have a gift staring you right in the face, don't blow it. Just love her!!
2007-02-01 03:49:36 · answer #2 · answered by frigidx 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you're using comfy old feelings to continue clinging to your fear of failure. Get some therapy. Since it's only been 9 months, continue seeing her for about more 6 months and get your head straight.
Being scared of life, scared of failing, scared of everything is NOT normal; it's unhealthy and counter-productive.
If you can't do therapy, get a book called "Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway" or "The Feel the Fear Guide to Lasting Love "
2007-02-01 03:46:22 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're going to be just fine :-)
If what you have just written about your fears is true, then I'll tell you, you'll have no problems.
As for not telling her, I would tell her. Exactly how you just wrote it there. Women like to talk about problems and if you don't tell her, she will know something is wrong and she will automatically think you don't want to commit.
Don't be scared of doing wrong. You had a bad upbringing, so now you know what not to do :-) You'll make a great dad.
2007-02-01 03:45:35 · answer #4 · answered by Xenophonix 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey, look on the positive side of life. You love her and she loves you...if you are afraid then that is normal. If you say you are a bad father then you will become it! Fear is normal since we humans are immortal. If you want to be a successor then take a chance and go...if she loves you that much then maybe she will understand.
2007-02-01 03:44:29 · answer #5 · answered by Kafu M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Aaaaaw chicken...
How sweet....I can tell you desire to make her happy. And I love that you've embraced her daughter as well.
I can tell ya this..knowing is half the battle. And don't be afraid of your past....use that to be the example of how "not" to be. You have the roadmap laid out in front of you, so you know what to avoid.
You sound like a great guy that wants nothing but the best for the woman he loves. Stop doubting yourself.
Embrace that and go forward.
Good Luck to all of you!!!
2007-02-01 03:43:36 · answer #6 · answered by Bathroom Graffiti 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the way that I take that is to comprehend that each and each body is imperfect. we do not understand why they act the way that they do. I fall short because i will't say that i recognize all, like i'm meant to. i extremely do not imagine i'm better effective than everybody else. i ought to like my way of dealing with issues better effective and am chuffed i do not sin mainly techniques that others do yet who's to say i'm better effective? regardless of the indisputable fact that, i do not hate them - I do not forget that in hardship-free words God is time-honored with of their hearts and we are not pronounced as to guage. Love is a sturdy note yet there are diverse transformations of that note. I do the finest that i will and that is all i will do. i extremely haven't any enemies. except devil. and that i do not ought to love him :) i for my area sense sorry for him yet have self assurance he's gonna get what he advantages contained in the proper!
2016-12-03 07:54:59 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to push all that fear and negativity out of your mind. Just remember you are not the same as your father and mother. You have to just give yourself the chance and I am sure you will be a great father. Just remember she loves you and you love her and her daughter and everything else is just small stuff.
2007-02-01 03:44:15 · answer #8 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ahhh men! OK, so first of all, my hubby had a very bad upbringing, but turned out to be a great father. Although he didn't do so well at first (as most men don't) you will learn too. It sounds like you will be great, because you care. Just remember your past is NO excuse for your future! Mine wasn't, my hubby's wasn't, and neither is yours. You sound like you are strong enough to rise above, so be the man you need to be, and she needs you to be. YOU WILL BE GREAT! Why do I think so? Because you obviously care. That's all it takes!
2007-02-01 03:50:12 · answer #9 · answered by purpledragonflyjrh 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everything you are feeling is normal. You say you have been together for 9 months - have you been pretending to be someone else? I doubt that, so she already knows WHO you are. Don't worry about your past indiscretions. What is important is today. You love her and she loves you... that is all that matters in the end!
2007-02-01 03:46:30 · answer #10 · answered by The Queen Bee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋