I am 46 and have been dating/living with a well educated and overall financially supportive man for 15 yrs. When we first dated he told me he did not think I would be a good mother. As time passed he stopped sleeping with me and then after that I no longer wanted to sleep with him. His sister has suffered schizophrenia as has my Mom. He tried to break up with me at yr 5 and did in yr 11. He wanted to live together again 2 yrs later. I am thinking of fertility treatment in a last effort to have a child and am considering another man for whom I have romantic feelings. My partner thinks, as I, that we are a bad genetic match. He says we are too old and he does not want to be saddled with fertility $ which probably wont work due to my age and college $ for a child that is adopted or of another man. He wanted a baby 10 yrs ago with someone else. Some say have a baby with him 'cause then he would $. He says I have changed and he has grown to love me and see I am good in his life. (?)
2007-02-01 03:36:29 · 22 answers · asked by plutos.girl 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
No, I wouldn't. You have romantic feelings for someone else, so that really answers your question. You've wasted enough time on him, you should move on and explore your feelings for the other man. Good luck!
2007-02-01 03:43:02 · answer #1 · answered by grandm 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a 50 year old childless women.
Having a child now would be difficult for you. I will try to be very honest.
If you have put it off this long, and you had to think about it for a long time-why now?
It isn't bad to not have children, you are no less of a women for it. Having a baby is a ton of work-it is the most selfless job on earth! I would look at your own life and see if you can re-invent yourself to a more fufilling endeavor-go back to school, or find a better job. If you are lonely seek out a new partner, and find some new friends. The beauty is that you have many choices to better yourself...if you had to raise a child it would be a job that you would soon regret!
2007-02-01 11:47:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Please understand you are not having a baby "with" this person. He has inserted all kinds of escape clauses should he find he does not want to be a parent. I can hear it now, "I told you we weren't a good match" "I told you schizofrenia runs in your family" If you have a child, you are having a child alone. But more to the point, why are you trying to have a child at this point in your life? At 46, and with the genetic predispositions that run in your family, AND with a father who does not want this child, are you really thinking of the child's welfare? I hope you reconsider this. There are many ways to add to this world without bringing another child into it. Consider being a Big Sister, or a Scout leader, or working with pregnant teens. It would be wonderful to be able to say, "I didn't add to the number of people on this earth, but I improved the quality for a child that was already here."
2007-02-01 11:46:34 · answer #3 · answered by Caper 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Now that you are 46 and can look back at things. All this time you are with a man who thought you would be a bad mother and you stayed with him. Why did you do that. You obviously had different goals in life and honestly having kids is a huge decision. If you are with someone with completely different goals in your life, you need to think about deciding to stay with someone who doesn't believe in your goals or find someone who is on the same playing field as you. And, getting fertility treatments is another very big decision. These are huge issues you really, really need to seriously think through. Doesn't sound like he wants kids at all
2007-02-01 11:42:51 · answer #4 · answered by Groovy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I wouldn't have a baby at 46 because it's dangerous for you and the high risk of the child being born with defects. Plus imagine trying to run around after a toddler at your age?
But if you really are insistent on having a child, then no, I wouldn't have one with that man. I would find a good man who loves me now, then and always. Not one who played games for 15 years and then when it gets almost too late to have a kid (which I can tell you really want) all of a sudden he has grown to love me. You deserve better!!
2007-02-01 11:42:44 · answer #5 · answered by FaerieWhings 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok this is kinda confusing but if he told you back so many years ago you would not be a good mother why did you stay with him? I would date the other man you have feelings for and stay away from this guy you were with 15 yrs...he sounds like a nut job..and at 46 i don't think it is very wise to have children but if you do don't have one with him!! You can always go to a sperm bank !
2007-02-01 11:43:15 · answer #6 · answered by Ms.DaSilva 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it took him 15 years to come to that conclusion then something is wrong with him. I would move on!!! If you want a child you should see a high risk OBGYN simply because of age. Not that you are too old, just so they can monitor the pregnancy for any problems. Good Luck
2007-02-01 11:44:02 · answer #7 · answered by CountryGirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know. I understand both sides but I am really thinking about that child and if he was to be the "father figure" how do you know he will stick around since he tried to leave you all these years. You need to do what you feel you need to do but also think about this child and look into the future and ask yourself questions. Is he going to stay with me? Will he be a supportive person to your family?
2007-02-01 11:43:47 · answer #8 · answered by rebyrd87 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't have a child with a man who has schizophrenia in his family. It is an inherited disease. Honestly, get married before you have a baby. Think about that baby's need for a father. It should be more than a selfish decision on your part.
2007-02-01 11:41:27 · answer #9 · answered by notyou311 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Dear if you really wanted a baby i would go for it but yet you could just have a baby by another and you might just be happier with somebody else... Oh and i'm real sorry about your mom and sister in law
2007-02-01 11:42:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋