In the past 7mo I have lost 2 aunts and 3 uncles, on top of that my father is dying of emphysema?

Question

My boyfriend and his mom were murdered in 2000 and since then I cant be around dead bodies cuz I'm the one who found them, which means I cant pay my respects the way everyone else does. Why is this still so hard even after almost 7yrs. No-one seems to understand they think I just dont care or I'm making excuses but I have an anxiety attack just thinking about going to the funeral home. How do I cope

Answer 1

All of us have different coping mechanisms when it comes to how to deal with death and dying. In addition, you have horrific memories surrounding the sight of two corpses. It is important to remember that a funeral/memorial service is not for the person who has died, it's for the living--for whatever reason each has for attending. I find it repulsive that you are being judged for not "paying respects" in a manner that everyone finds acceptable. Stop being so hard on yourself.

What greater tribute to another when we remember who they were in life. I, personally, wish not to view someone a cared for in a casket--that is not the last memory I want to forever recall. It is prefectly acceptable to express your deepest sympathy to family members and explain that you will not be at the service because you want to remember them just the way they were and then go on to offer to do anything you can do to ease their burden.

As for everyone else, they weren't part of the relationship you had with the deceased nor is it their right to pass judgment on your choices as to how you wish to handle your grief.

Answer 2

What a terrible thing for you to go through! I'm not surprised the incident with your boyfriend and his mom is still with you. It would be advisable to seek counseling on this one. You need someone who you can talk to about it and who understands the emotional trauma of what you went through.

Please don't listen to what others say. If they haven't walked in your shoes (had the same thing happen to them) they have no idea what you are going through. But please seek some help with this or it could stay with you even longer than 7yrs.

Good luck and I know that with help, you will eventually overcome this horrible time in your life. Then, when you are ready, you will be able to pay your respects to your family.

Answer 3

You can/t you can't that's the way it is if no one understands they are not in the same situation

Answer 4

you need to be institutionalized. you are unfit to function in society...