why do mothers always prefer to put themselves and their husbands before their children?????

Question

i know someone who has never gotten along with her father, she says that ever since she was little she had to put up with alot of emotional abuse by her father and overall bad parenting, she says that her mom has told her that she does not know why she married him, but then says that whenever those two are together they are laughing having a good time while she is always confused why her mother is soo two- faced, why are moms like that, is she putting her husbands happiness above her daughters???

Answer 1

I don't know about this situation. But sometimes- even in a wonderful family relationship- husbands and wifes sometimes have to be a little selfish. A good marriage is the basis for good family life. A lot of times parents "lose themselves" trying to care for and provide for their children. Parents sometimess need time to work on their marriage relationship. I know this is not the situation you are talking about

Answer 2

I don't know the whole story but perhaps the momma has a bad case of low self esteem. Maybe, dispite the fact that the father is obviously a self absorbed jerk, he is also a good provider (financally) and the mother is simply trying to make the best of a bad situation. Perhaps she feels that she, alone could not provide for her children (financally). On a happy note, this young lady is learning what not to do to her own children in the future and will probably grow up to be a very loving and caring mother. Also, she will, hopefully not follow in her mothers footsteps and marry a JERK who doesn't appreciate the wonderful gift of GREAT children.

Answer 3

Well as a Mother, I always put my 3 daughters needs before my own, I make sure they have what they need, before i do...Because they are my children. Parents are supposed to Parent the children...we brought them into this world, so I feel I need to put what they need above my needs...I have been trying to do some stuff for myself, since I have gotten older, but my children will always come first...
As far as my husband he and I are like an Equal, We both put our childrens needs before our own..But we also, make sure we take care of each other, and recognize each others needs...We work as a team..
I think the reason that most mothers do this, is because of the love for there family.
This situation you wrote about sounds a little different...then the norm, maybe your friends mom, doesnt want her daughter to be mad at her, for the fathers emotional abuse, so she says she wished she wouldnt have married him, to make the daughter NOT be mad at her..Which is wrong. I would never put my childrens needs and happiness over mine or anyones for that matter...
Wishin your friend the best.

Answer 4

First of all, not ALL mothers put themselves or their husband's BEFORE their children. I have to point that out. Also, I heard a saying once that struck me, "The best thing a father can do for their children is to love their mother." I imagine that goes both ways because really and truly, in a perfect world, having two happy parents who model their love for one another only teach that to their children. It makes for a happy childhood. I rarely think of a mother as putting herself first though. Happy parents make happy children...it's a cycle. I hope that my children always know that they are a product of love. Having said that, it is also wrong to talk to your children about their father like that. She should never have told the child about being angry with their father because, as most parents know, the child ends up blaming themself for this and it's wrong!

Answer 5

I dont think that mothers always put themselves and men, before their children, even though i myself know how that feels, my mom left me when i was 2 to go live out of state with some idiot, and then divorce that guy who beat her for 10 years and she had 3 children with him, and now she put some new jerk before my 9 year old, 15 year old, and 16 year old, sisters but we all just get used to it, my moms mom did the same thing to her, but almost all my friends have really great moms, and now that i am a mom i put my daughter before me and my husband, thats how its supposed to be and if i didnt have this experience then i might now be as good of a mom as i am today

Answer 6

The parental relationship must always come before that of the kids. Husbands and wives are capable of nurturing each other, giving rather than just taking all the time. Without that ability to regenerate each other, the entire family would degenerate quickly into something nasty that only DPSS or a divorce can even attempt to repair.

If it's really that bad, report them to child protective services. At best, they'll be forced to learn better parenting. But it's also likely they will split you all up, and worst case, you'll never be together again.

Answer 7

This is a complicated question. I feel that if the parent's have a healthy relationship, that putting that relationship first is essential to raising kids who feel safe and secure and who know what a good relationship looks like. The problem is that parents who enable each other and perpetuate bad behavior are thought of as "putting their relationship before the kids". They aren't putting the relationship first, they are putting themselves first. They are in a bad relationship because it fulfills something within themselves that is lacking. If they were putting the relationship first, they would fix the problems and everything would be hunky-dory.

Answer 8

Always???
That is a longshot...the mother I was raised by tirelessly put her children (4) before herself and was supported by a father/husband, who did the same.
My mother worked as a hospice nurse on the graveyard shift, so that she could be home for us, to get us up and off to school, help us afterschool w homework, activities and make a family meal. She was lucky to get 4-5 hours sleep on 5 days of the week. My father was in the restaurant business and his hours were all over the place and many of them...but there was always someone home for us, always a roof over our heads and food on our table...and of course they had a balance; football on the TV on Sundays, healthy intimate life and respect for all that the other did. We grew up seeing love and being loved.

Answer 9

Being a mom of four kids myself, I feel most moms will put their kids before theirselves 98% of the time. Some people tell me I am nuts for the running and that I do for my kids. Why this woman does this to her daughter is hard to tell. Sounds like a complicated situation to me. A mom should never lie to her kids to begin with. Not a good way to have a relationship with your daughter or son; they will do the same with their friends and so on.

Answer 10

Mindy, not all mothers do that, first of all. Secondly until you live in some one Else's shoes...do not cast self righteous opinions about how they handle situations.
Its easy to sit on the side lines and form your own conclusion. But you have no idea what goes on behind closed doors. You don't know how bad it may or may not be and hopefully you will never have to know first hand what it is like to live with an abusive man.