How do tactfully tell family members to backoff?

Question

My boyfriend and I have a 2 year old son and my family still doesn't understand that we can take it from here, we're constantly getting unsolicited advice on how to bring up our child. how do you tell family that you've had enough when you know their heart is in the right place.

Answer 1

Let them know how much you appreciate their advice. Take it and see if it works for you. If it doesn't then you apply your own. It doesn't matter what technique you use, just as long as the end result is a positive one when it comes to your child's happiness and safety.Parents do have experience with raising a child and only want you to be a successful parent. It is a natural thing for them to give you advice. Don't tell them you don't want their advice because there might come a time that you will really need their advice and you don't want to burn that bridge. Keep the lines of communication open even though you don't want or need their advice. Remember, you don't have to pay them to babysit when you and your bf need a night out on the town.

Answer 2

We always thingk'We know best'. Do you? Does your parents?A difficult one. Only by shown you are doing a good job with your little boy will your parents back off. Do you not have a welfare person of any description that regularly visits you as a family? If you speak to this person and she (he) agrees you don't need the extra support then perhaps this person could have a word with your parents. However if the 'expert' thinks you do need a little bit of help still hopefully you will take that on board allow your parents to intervene a little. As you luckily know their heart is in the right place.

Answer 3

Famlies...sometimes you wonder why we have them! *S* You might start out a conversation with something like... I appreciate your advice on (whatever) with Charlie, but I'm his mum and I know I'm doing in my heart what I feel is best for him. I'm not perfect but I have to be allowed to make my own mistakes and then I can relish in how lovely a little boy my baby is growing up to be. I know you have done a great job at raising (me or your boyfriend) so please trust me/us enough that if I/we need help I/we will come to you first!

The trick is to not appear ungrateful or like a know it all. If you boost their "ego" (for lack of a better word) then they feel like you do look up to them but this will soften the part about backing off! You get the idea. I'm sure you are doing a great job and they don't mean anything by it but yes...its does grate on your nerves! Just be kind and soft hearted in doing it and you will be fine. Best wishes!

Answer 4

Its unfortuante but thats what parents do, however, getting into heated discussions will only prove to them that you are not grown up enough yet to fully leave their nest yet, even though you have all the adult responsibilities of being a parent. Calmly talking to them as an adult to adult rather than child to parent will effectively ease your problem, however it is very difficult, as I have experienced the same thing, I still do now, but it has lessened a considerable degree, it takes time and gradually they will see and understand, but you will never totally remove their need to want to help whether it is for better or worse in your eyes. When your little one grows up, you may find yourself trying to protect even though your son feels he is old enough.

Answer 5

Some day you will discover just how hard it is to see your child caring for a baby, and not be able to tell them what they are doing wrong. Please believe me when I say that as a grandparent I would not do it that way with my child. Your parents love you and want only the best for you and their grandchild.They want to rectify mistakes they made when younger and be of help to you. Stick with it and one day they will see you are doing fine on your own. But I can promise that they will still have different ideas on how to bring up their grandchild

Answer 6

i just got married may 25 of last year and iam 32 years old
my first marraige and my mom and my husbands mom does
the same thing to us. they stay in our business telling us where
we should move and the moms get jealous when we do thing for each other and not for them anymore. we are buying our house and we move in march 4 we are moving away and dealing
with our moms from a distance. maybe after a while the will get the picture.

Answer 7

I accept as true with yet another poster that having the therapist there may be effective in case you think of you might have difficulty incredibly saying what you may say. they could steer the communication and likewise be there as a sort of middleman in case issues get too lots for you. it could be sturdy to do it on independent floor, too (besides the reality that not in a hectic public place). you may continually attempt telling them in a letter, too, if it incredibly is easier for you.

Answer 8

You just tell them that you thank them for their advice but you feel they offer it too much.
Tell them you have to make decisions and even mistakes on your own just like they did.
You are the parent & know your child better than anyone.

Answer 9

Oh I understand this all too well....drives you nuts!!! Half jokingly say 'My parents got to bring me up and now it's MY turn to bring my kids up'

I actually didn't say anything...I found it too hard...maybe I would now that I'm older and wiser. I'd have to grit my teeth and then go home and moan about it!

Good luck!

Answer 10

You need to sit down with them and explain exactly how you feel so they understand its not personal and you just want to get on with it!
I feel i have always been judged and critised by my parents and been made to feel stupid (although not intentionally) but now i cant make decisions and i have no faith in my self!!