my boyfirend and i just lost a unplanned baby! i want another one; but after the lost he now says he wants 2?

Question

wait! how do i explain tio him that i want a baby?

Answer 1

My second pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. The pregnancy was planned, and my boyfriend and I were devestated.

Immeadiately, we wanted to try for another. The doctor said I needed to have at least 3 normal periods (about 3 months) before trying again. The doctor said this was mostly for phsycological reasons, that the body repairs itself after a month or so. After the three months were up, we decided to wait before trying again. Mostly, because I wasn't mentally ready to be pregnant again. Its been two years since then, we've since gotten married and our son is due in a few weeks.

My advice is this, first you do not have to get married before having children. Yes, my husband and I are married, but we didn't get married so we could have children. If you and your boyfriend are strongly commited (i.e. live together, share expenses, etc.) then it doesn't matter if you are married or not. Getting married doesn't guarantee a commitment. Follow your heart on this one.

Second, wait at least 3 months before deciding to try for another child. You may have a change of heart by then, or your boyfriend may have. You are wanting to fill a gap and are getting overly focused on that. For now, focus on healing (both physically and mentally). Miscarriages will either bring the relationship closer or tear it apart, use these three months to figure out what is happening to your relationship.

Third, I suggest getting grief couseling, either alone or as a couple. Even though you lost the baby well before it was due, you still lost a child, a part of you. A miscarriage is just like any other death of a loved one. Without realizing it, you may be bottling up emotions and that will cause problems later.

With all that being said, follow your heart. If you (or your boyfriend) aren't ready, don't force the issue.

I hope this helps, and good luck with everything.

Answer 2

America "lost" the war because it -- (a) Did not stop the reunification of Vietnam that should have occurred back in 1956, but now happened in 1976. (b) Did not stop Vietnam becoming a "Socialist" nation. In fact, if the US had not violated international law and the "1954 Geneva Agreements on Indochina: back in 1954, then Vietnam may have been a "neutral" country and could have even remained a capitalist nation. The US government, by its actions, pushed the Viet Minh political leadership to take a "Socialist" approach from 1946 up to and after 1975 which is what it is today. FYI -- the term "Viet Cong" is inaccurate. The term is shortened slang for Viet Nam Cong San, meaning Vietnamese Communist, something that less than 4% of the "National Liberation Front of Southern Vietnam" (NLF) were members of. Similarly, the tern "North Vietnamese Army" is inaccurate as the fighting force was the People's Army of Vietnam" (PAVN) which was created in 1944 with assistance from the American OSS (forerunner of the CIA) to fight the Japanese and Vichy French during WW-2. The same force fought against the French during the First Indochina War (War of Independence 1946-1954). Both terms were used to denigrate the "enemy forces" in the eyes of the American people to justify what the US was doing as "communists" were the bogeyman of that era.

Answer 3

Please don't have children before you are ready to commit to marriage. Children are not something that just come and go. By becoming pregnant, you are commiting yourself to at least 18 years of hard work, long nights, difficult decisions, thoughtful parenting, and role-modeling. It might seem like fun to have a baby with your boyfriend, but for your child's sake, it needs to be a mutual commitment between the two of you. To ensure that commitment is honest, get married. Plan the child. Do you own a house? How much maternity leave is offered in your job? How about insurance? Are you high risk for any health factors during or after pregnancy? Do you and your boyfriend agree on parenting tactics? Do you have enough money saved for delivery? What if there are complications? Are you in a place emotionally where you could handle having a child with a birth defect? You realize that by having a child, you will officially put yourself on the back burner. Your child's wants and needs will forever be put in front of what you want. And if you haven't gone to college, don't have a career, and are planning on government assistance to raise your child, I tell you from experience, don't do it. If you have a chance, do it the right way. Honor your unborn children by creating for them an honest nest before they are born.

Answer 4

there isn't just you hurting he is as well he might need time to get over the lose of his child. I think you should wait a while and let your body get back to normal and for yourself to get over the miscarriage i had 1 at 20 weeks i waited 2 years and then had beautiful baby boy 14 years ago now

Answer 5

Don't just have another "unplanned baby". No wait I take it back you should just have a conversation about what would have happened had you not lost the baby. If he seems o.k. about it talk about actually trying.

Answer 6

I'd wait a little while before making any kind of decision. For one thing your hormones will be a little wild for a while and for another your boyfriend needs a little time to deal with the loss in his own way.

Answer 7

on this one I am going to agree with him.
When someone loses a baby they have a tendency to try to rush into having another one, to fill the void. You need to give yourself time to deal with what has happened, then proceed.
Make sure you are having one because thats actually what you want, instead of trying to prove to yourself you can do this.
I'm not trying to be mean, but I have gone through this myself.
If you try too hard to get pregnant it won't happen, so relax give yourself time. Remember he has to deal with this as well, maybe he isn't ready to try again yet.

Answer 8

You have just suffered the loss of your baby, you need time to grieve and I'm sorry I agree with your boyfriend. I also think that is why you too are seeking comfort in having a child.

Answer 9

You should be waiting at least 3 months anyways after a miscarriage to try again - so take the time to talk to him and discuss if you actually are going to try again.

Answer 10

How old are you? You honestly sound like a teenager, and if so he's right, you need to wait. Accidents happen and you deal, but to get pregnant on purpose when you're not married, probably very young and with a reluctant "baby daddy"..that's just a disaster waiting to happen.