Should I talk to this other mom?

Question

Here is the problem. My daughter and her best friend sleep over with each other often. I have always dealt with the father. Well, I got to meet the mother. We spoke and I thought she was nice and things were fine. Yesterday my daughter's friend was very upset and told her that her mom doesn't want them sleeping over anymore because, and I quote, "Your mom thinks she's all that", she said "Just because I'm not a size 2 and spend all my time at the gym doesn't mean she's better than me" (I am small and I do work out, but she is not obese and is really quite pretty) She said I "curled my lip at her, gave her a dirty look, and she doesn't have to take that from me" WHAT? I never did that! Should I talk to her about it or just let it go? I hate for the girls to be punished because of this. They are best friends.

Answer 1

Nothing you can do about how someone else feels, as crazy as people can be. jeez, you should feel guilty because your fit, NO WAY! You can be as nice as you want, some people are just crazy. I'd be careful letting my daughter play over there, you never know what a crazy person would do

Good Luck

Answer 2

The best thing to do is talk to her about it calmly, don't let her see that it bothers you. You're right the girls shouldn't be punished over something like this, it was just a misunderstanding and it should result in the girls not being able to spend time together. You might not be able to become good friends or anything but if talking to her will get her to change her mind then you should do it for the kids. This is a problem that she has with you or assume that you have with her, so the kids should be kept out of it. If apologizing(even though you did nothing wrong) will work then do that also and as soon as the girls can start sleeping over again you can forget about the mother and go on with your life.

Answer 3

I would definitely talk to her........Maybe call and ask her to meet you for coffee and discuss the matter. Often being able to sit down and talk things through will help you both to be on the same page.....I would open the question for a meeting with...could we meet for coffee?...I'm troubled with what the girls are going through...that takes the focus off of her which can be brought around when the meeting happens otherwise she may not agree to talk to you. I've had this problem myself and my daughter is 14 and her best friend and her have known each other and hung out since they were 4. It sounds to me like she is very insecure in herself maybe a couple of compliments during the meeting and compliment her daughter... that boosts confidence in a parent....or maybe call and suggest taking the girls to the mall together and let the girls shop while you two stop for coffee and then you'll be able to talk....I would make sure she knows that you in no way meant to offend her in any respect....If you meet in an open public place like that, you'll show her that you respect her and her size is not embarrassing to you and she might ease up and become more comfortable around you...I wish you all the best in this situation........

Answer 4

She probably feels threatened. You've been speaking mostly to her husband, not her, up until this point, and she perceives you as a threat to her marriage because she feels you're more attractive than she is. You might try starting the conversation like, "Little susie was upset that she can't spend as much time with little sarah anymore, I wanted to ask if there's any reason why?" And see what she says. Slide it in there that you're sorry if you came across the wrong way, was there anything specifically that I did to upset you..

Don't expect an honest or positive response though. I've yet to get one. I'm in pretty much the same shoes you are. Women can be so crazy some times.

Answer 5

Yes, YOU are the adult one here. The best you can do is to just call simply and say that you sensed from her daughter that something you did or said may have been taken the wrong way, and you want to clarify...(even if you did nothing at all, it puts the ball in her court to respond) I would not go in to "what she said" the size 2 thing, she may be jealous, but just be your true nice self, mature, and see where it goes. You never know, kids fabricate things all the time, it's probably just a misunderstanding, but if it is not, atleast you tried!!!

Answer 6

Yes definatly talk to her because the girl's should not have to suffer for her insecurities,and you said you usually deal with the girl's dad well after she saw you that probably made her jealous that you were pretty.That is so childish though remember its not about you its about her and she is insecure.I can't believe she said that to her daughter she is teaching her daughter to be insecure also and to be jealous of other people.I would just call her up and be the bigger person and say i am sorry if i offended you I enjoyed meeting you finally and please don't seperate these girls because of me they love each other and love hanging out.Then say would you like to go get a cup of coffee and talk about it.You just gotta be a bigger person because people like this are jealous of everyone I have ran into them with my hubbies family.Like cousins at christmas they all snob me because i am attractive but i have had two children and i work out 6 days a week because i take care of my health and take pride in my appearance for myself not for others,but they always think that i think i am better than them.Its stupid really hell i come from the projects i don't think i am better than anyone i am very fortunate to have what i have....

Answer 7

Dificult! I would avoid the confrontational approach (ie talking!) and send her a nice email saying almost exactly what you put in your Yahoo Question. Point out that you thought she was lovely and that you have no idea why she would think otherwise. Tell her how happy it makes you that your daughter has such a lovely friend.

If that doesn't work - screw her! You can only go out of your way so much for anyone - if she's as insecure and aggressive as she sounds do you really want your daughter hanging around her anyway?

Answer 8

I think you could approach the other mother about this......just to see if it was a one time misunderstanding..maybe you could suggest meeting for coffee in a non-threatening way.....it sounds to me like she is a little jealous of you.......and she really has no need to be......and the two children should not be caught up in that....you two could end up as friends through this also........it could be that this other woman is just someone that you don't really want your daughter around though.....there is a saying that when someone shows you who they are .....you have to believe them............it could just have been a simple misunderstanding...and what better way to show your daughter how to deal with jealousy in a mature way...if that's what it is

Answer 9

I would talk to her. I'd call her up and ask her why she doesn't want her daughter coming over anymore so that she has to either retract her comments or make them directly to you. Most likely she'll back off, but if she doesn't I'd suggest saying that as you'd got off on the wrong foot with her it might be good to meet up to talk it over and mention that you see no reason for your kids shouldn't see each other just because their parents don't get along.

Answer 10

My best friend often makes accusations like that about people she's just met, but that's because she suffers from a paranoia disorder. Maybe that's this mom's problem too? If you talk to her, do it very gently and tactfully. Maybe over the phone would be best? No way for her to mis-interpert facial expressions and such.