My future S-I-L has been making rude comments to me ever since I dropped out of her bridal party. She says things like "I only talk to you because I'm marrying your brother", or "I shouldn't even be talking to you", or "you're only being invited to the rehearsal dinner because your husband is still in the bridal party". I didn't drop out last minute, I gave her 10 months advance notice enough to find a replacement (which she did). Prior to her engagement we were practically best friends, now I hardly hear from her. When she says those things I try to bite my tongue to keep the peace. Shoud I keep taking her insults? The wedding is next month and I don't want hard feelings. What do I do? Why is she so mad?
2007-02-01 00:46:50 · 20 answers · asked by Kimmy 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Next time she says that she should not be talking to you then say "then why do I hear your voice"
2007-02-01 00:55:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yikes...find out why she is soooo mad. It may be a simple fix. Neither one of you need the added pressure on wedding day. Ask. But prepared to stay calm and walk away, she is a month before her wedding and she should be happy as a clam...so obviously she's got some pressure to blow off.... don't take it too personal if it comes your way. Sounds like she says those things because she is immature. How old is she? She might need some reassurance that you still want to be part of her new family and that you want her and your brother to have an amazing day (she may have read into some thing assuming the reasons for your withdrawal). Think of it as flattering that she cares so much about what you think...and you'll get through it. People have these crazy definitions in their heads and sometimes they expect way too much when they are engaged, wed, bride, sister-in-law, daughter-in-law....they are all new roles. And last, I wouldn't necessarily give any reason for the withdrawal--ever. I would just keep my focus on how disappointed I am and how much I am looking forward to being there .....so excited for them. No excuse will be good enough...details become a disaster!
2007-02-01 01:18:11 · answer #2 · answered by Sweetserenity 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sheesh! It's hard to say why exactly she is so upset, since you did give her plenty of time to find someone else. Did you give her a reason for dropping out? Not that you absolutely have to do so, but if you had, perhaps she would be more understanding. Hard to say.
Getting married and planning a wedding is a stressful time for many bride's and that is a possible reason for her behavior.
It might be helpful to ask her to meet with you, perhaps for lunch, and politely ask her why she is so angry. You could explain to her that soon you will be family, and that you really don't want hard feelings. Let her know that you wish to repair the relationship. At this point, the ball is in her court.
She may choose to talk with you, clear the air and all will be well. She may also choose to snub you, refuse to meet you even. Unfortunately, we have no control over the behavior of others. You will have done all you can. At that point, the best you can do is be polite, but refuse to allow her to be rude to you. Perhaps you could talk to your brother, tell him about the problem...he may know what has upset her so much and may also be able to advise you how to proceed.
Good luck!
2007-02-01 00:59:15 · answer #3 · answered by tiger 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Before the engagement you were best friends? In your memory, did she ever hold a grudge like that then? If so, then that will tell you what kind of person you're dealing with.
If not, then I would suspect the possibility of stress being displayed in a very inappropriate way.
Clearly, you should not keep taking her insults. If you truly have done nothing wrong, (and I think you haven't) try to sit down with herand tell her that this has to be resolved, for the sakes of several relationships that you want to remain healthy.
No one likes having an unhealthy relationship- it could get alot worse. Deal with it now.
2007-02-01 00:59:14 · answer #4 · answered by Jed 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I love Eva, it's so adorable yet at the same time very sophisticated and ages incredibly well. I like it much better than the shorter Eve. It has potential for a longer, more elaborate middle name, but then again I guess they all do. I don't like Nora, and although Tessa is cute, I think Cora is even nicer and and so adorable! Now that I think about it, I actually prefer Cora... haha I can see why this is hard! So I guess I'm going with Elliot, Theo, Leon, Jonas and CORA, but Eva comes very closely behind. Cora is nicely underused and I love the 'core' sound (much better than Cara), it goes nicely with the 'o' in all of your boys' names. About time for a girl! Hope this helps, good luck!!
2016-05-24 01:30:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You SIL obviously is into this wedding with the attitude "it's all about me." Some brides are. You need to talk to her explaining why you dropped out of her wedding. I would also tell her how hurtful and insulting you find her comments. But do remember, she doesn't have to be your friend but your brother loves her. Take the high road and try to get along with her but explain your side of the story.
2007-02-01 12:07:26 · answer #6 · answered by mimegamy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've learned that biting your toungue can sometimes lead to even greater resentment, from you. Talk to her, explain your reasons for dropping out of her wedding party. She is probably hurt that you didn't want to share in the planning of her big day. The world, however, does not revolve around her even on her wedding day. Ask her what the big problem is, you didn't leave her hanging at the last minute. I know I wouldn't have been that upset.
2007-02-01 02:55:32 · answer #7 · answered by orangeflameninja 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only a bride to be knows why she act's that way. Try to determine was your reason for dropping out legitimate? If you believe it was maybe she doesn't! Maybe a further explanation is in order. Ten month advance notice or not was it legitimate to both of you?
If you explain it and tell her the rude comments need to stop and they still don't ....Just look at her and say........I still wish you joy and happiness , and I realize Bridzilla is a contributing factor in your inappropriate behavior....if you want me to come to the wedding STOP IT!
For yourself don't worry about bridzilla you can always feign sickness at the last minute and not go!
2007-02-01 01:03:33 · answer #8 · answered by LucySD 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Many brides have this very odd (and very self-centered) idea that the wedding day is all about them. So when everyone surrounding them doesn't just dote on them the entire time, they get mad and cranky. My guess is your future SIL is mad because you dropped out of the wedding. This is scary actually. Is she going to keep grudges forever?
However, choosing her isn't your choice. It's your brother's. So because of your love for him, I would just bite my tongue and go on with it. Maybe she will mellow out after the wedding.
2007-02-01 00:51:42 · answer #9 · answered by servinggodalone 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why dont you invite her to lunch and ask her? The direct approach usually works just tell her Look Im marrying your brother, we were friends, what happened? Get it out in the open and discuss it. It may be that you hurt her feelings when you dropped out of the wedding. I think thats what might have happened.
2007-02-01 00:52:26 · answer #10 · answered by elaeblue 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would guess that if you were very close prior to her wedding that she knew your reason for dropping out and didn't think it was a good one. I would just let it roll of your back...or say it back to her..."well that's fine since I'm only replying because you are my future husbands sister"...a tad immature but it may shut her up for a bit...There is going to be hard feelings...you know what they say...a bride will never forget her wedding day...and she is seriously thinking you tried to ruin it for a dumb reason...if she doesnt' know the reason then you need to try and explain it to her...next time she opens her mouth tell her...look I had to bow out because...blah blah blah....and now I wish you could just let it go so we can get back to being at least civil to one another...
When my sister got married we had to wear pink, floor length, strapless dresses...so not my favorite but I did it because that's what she wanted...her FI's sister was asked to be in the wedding by him and not her...she had to wear the same dress...4 years later she is still whining to family members about having to wear that stupid dress...some people just never manage to make it out of high school...sad for them really, they'll never know what it feels like to be a grown up.
2007-02-01 01:03:34 · answer #11 · answered by kauai_lvr 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋