I have a 12yo daughter and a 13yo son. I walked into my son's room unannounced today and was rather shocked to see both of them laying naked on the bed together. They were above the covers and didn't appear to be doing anything other than laying there chatting, but I'm still very concerned. Instead of freaking out I just ignored the fact. Was this the right thing to do?
Also I don't know what to do about this in the long term. Advice please?
2007-01-31 23:08:46 · 30 answers · asked by thatlass 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
No, I have not brought my children up to be normally naked in front of each other. But I haven't and don't intend to teach them body shame either.
2007-01-31 23:32:37 · update #1
Thank you for all the good answers so far, But I've noticed some of the answers seem so stupid that I'm guessing they actually were written by 12 year olds. Please, I'm only looking for answers from adults (preferably parents).
2007-02-01 20:23:02 · update #2
Nudity is the body's natural state. And since, as you've told us they were just chatting, then there's nothing you should worry about. It's good that they feel comforable with their bodies and not shameful. As for the long term, it might be a phase they are going through which will pass, or they may become nudists when they grow up. But I don't think them becoming nudists is something you would be ashamed of...
2007-02-04 21:37:52 · answer #1 · answered by PAP DX 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I agree with you about a lot of the answers.
1. you need to talk with each of them separate, to find out what transpired to get them both naked on the same bed. you need this information from each perspective. so you know how to proceed.
2. Bring them together and talk to them, calmly, and let them know that while nudity is not always wrong, that there are situations that can lead to inappropriate ones, and that they are getting old enough to feel these urges. they should feel completely safe with each other, and when children become adults, clothing needs to be worn when they are together. you need to decide what your rules are. Clothed when they are together in a bedroom, naked only when alone, or changing with one f their same sex friends. that is just an example. They may still think a bed is just for sleeping, so they may have been just taking a nap, do they sleep naked? Maybe they thought taking a nap, sleep naked. You just need to make sure what each ones motives were, and deal with the bad ones, and leave the good ones. Make them understand that as they are becoming adults, more adult behavior is expected, but as they don't know all the adult rules, you are there to help them, and should they need help to ask you. You must always allow them to ask you anything, and never deliberately mislead them, or lie to them.
2014-06-22 02:07:22 · answer #2 · answered by rob_h_hodges 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Laying Together
2016-11-12 07:32:45 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you handled the situation very well. It would be a shock if i found my kids lying together naked at that age. I'd say don't jump to any conclusions as there is probably a million different innocent things that may have beengoing on like a dare or something. If i was in your situation i would not shame the kids but be direct & honest. You could say that you were wondering what game they were playing naked the other day???? & in a casual unconcerned voice explain that it's really not appropriate for boys & girls to be naked around each other at that age as they are almost grown up.
2007-01-31 23:15:54 · answer #4 · answered by Mishell 4 · 11⤊ 2⤋
Now might be a good time to teach them about the birds and the bees. Since they've seen each other naked, get them to undress and point to their body parts (instead of using silly little diagrams) to explain how everything works. The only embarrassing bit should be spreading the girl's legs, but try not to be embarrassed about it, and don't skip it.
You then explain that brother and sister should never do this sort of stuff together, and that you don't want them to spend time naked together any more.
2007-02-01 03:39:13 · answer #5 · answered by oneguyno 1 · 2⤊ 3⤋
I hope you have noted the calm with which one side of this issue has responded and the panic with which the other side has responded. Panic never solved anything.
If you feel this behavior is inappropriate then discipline them accordingly. If you feel this behavior is within the boundaries of childish curiosity, then explain to your children what concerns you have with behavior of that sort and exactly how you feel about the situation.
Explain to them, as matter-of-factly as you can, that you trust them, but that you are concerned that another situation may happen due to this. Obviously, you do not want your children to engage in incest. This is really what this boils down to. Explain this to them. Explain it clearly and plainly. There is no need to raise your voice, or over-anticipate what MIGHT happen.
Teach your children with respect and they will respect what you have to teach them. Also keep in mind that if they didn't panic when you walked in on them, they probably were not engaged in anything that you have to really worry about. Give your children the benefit of the doubt.
2007-02-01 00:17:48 · answer #6 · answered by Fin 5 · 4⤊ 1⤋
I have a 12 year old daughter and there is no way she would lay around naked with anyone! This is not innocent. How did they react when you walked in? They are old enough to know right from wrong (this is not a 2 and 3 year old). I would talk with them about this behavior. They should not be naked with anyone at all. Also, I would get into family counseling. It is good that you didn't freak out, but ignoring it isn't right either. They should know by your reaction that this is inappropriate and should never happen again. Get help for your children, now! Good Luck!
2007-02-01 01:08:07 · answer #7 · answered by Kimmi 3 · 2⤊ 6⤋
That is perfect moment for the sex talk. Walk in and sit down calmly and toss a condom on the bed. Thats perfect time to teach them and what better example on how to put on a condom than the real thing
2016-04-11 21:20:18 · answer #8 · answered by Ghgg 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At 13 if the boy wasn't erect with a naked 12 year old girl I wouldn't be concerned. Let them feel free to disrobe at will. Don't make it out to be something shameful. If the girl is getting to see the boy nude regularly she will not have the usual curiosity about the male body. If you allow them to go nude in your presence you can see if the boy becomes sexually aroused. If that starts to happen he will be embarrassed and realize that being naked in front of women will cause that effect which will cause him to stop. The same with naked women and he will have his sister stop disrobing in front of him.
2007-02-01 06:08:30 · answer #9 · answered by bigh5586 2 · 6⤊ 2⤋
That is too old to be doing this type of thing. Ask them to put some clothes on. Explain that nothing is wrong with the human body and it is a beautiful thing, but it is inappropriate for brother and sister to be lying around naked together. Explain that they could(and they could) be removed from the home and put in foster care if this got out. A quick glimpse when running from teh shower is one thing, but this is way too much. If it continues, I would seek counseling for them.
2007-01-31 23:14:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 10⤊ 3⤋