Mother does not call?

Question

I get angry at my mother on occassion. I feel that since I have gotten married, she is not very active in my life. I live an hour away, and I work two jobs. She is retired. It would be easier for me if she would make a little bit of an effort and pick up the phone or make arrangements to see me. It has been that way for 3 years now, and I dont see it ending. Am I being unrealistic? Being the daughter, should I just accept her behavior and just chase after her? We do have a lot of issues and I find her hard to get along with, but she is my mother. I just get resentful that I am the one doing all of the work. And if I stop, I wont hear from her for months at a time.

Answer 1

Maybe since you got married, she doesnt want to interfere with your life. My son got married and I try not to interfere to much. But I do call him and always tell him and his wife I am there for them if they need me.
If your relationship was strained before you got married maybe she feels you dont need her anymore. You are not being realistic, but dont give up. Maybe you need to go visit her and take her out to lunch and talk. Tell her how you feel and that even though your married you still want her involved in your life. I know when my son moved out, I was very sad for awhile. I felt like he didnt need me anymore, then found out it wasnt true. She may not be calling you because you do work two jobs and maybe she is afraid to bother you. Also you may want to buy her a calling card, maybe since she is retired she is on a tight budget. Even if she isnt, my parents think they are poor and cant make ends meet. They have enough money saved to last them another life time. But to them they are afraid to spend a dime. So maybe she is worried about her phone bill. Please dont give up on your Mom, she may be hard to get along with but maybe there is more going on with her than you know. She may be depressed and also remember we sometimes take out our anger on the people we love the most. You are a wonderful daughter and I am sure your mom sees that.
So call her today, and make some time to go see her. Let her see you want her involved with your life. I think it is wonderful on how much you care about your Mom. Hang in there and keep being the wonderful daughter that you are.

Answer 2

Yes, she is making you to live independently. She is wanting to do your own decision in life and own thinking. She might have observed your environment and in that she had to decide that she should keep away (not far) from you (hint- may be ur hubby,may be ur jobs,may be ur spouse-relatives). Ofcourse she has also some works for her,which she could not acomplish in the life time,mught be busy and finding some moments for her. Suggested is,you should also give your clear intention and affection for her. It may be, ur affection is not a kind of daughter-affection. After all she is ur Mom and u r her-daughter. Talk to her in peaceful time. And Answer you will surely get.

Answer 3

You need to understand that she is RESPECTING your marriage by keeping her distance! SOmehting so few are able to enjoy! it's time for you to accept the fact that you have left the nest, ready to begin your OWN FAMILY that comes first to nothing else. Put it this way, my mother did the same thing and died a few years later it was EASIER for me to handle then my sister, because my sister kept so close to her and was not married of course, but i had to deal with marriage kids etc, and the space helped in the end. Remember the good times, close that chapter and work on the new one with YOUR NEW family and leave your mother alone! she need to enjoy her new found freedom and to pursue her interests. grow up.

Answer 4

I go through the same thing but I love her and will continue making the effort. Maybe she is afraid of intruding. Talk to her in a non-accusing way and remind her that she gained a son when you got married, she didn't lose a daughter.

Answer 5

Put her number on speed dial.
Call your mother just to tell her that you love her.
Even if that's all you say the first time you call.
Call her to talk about a special event in your family life.
Call your mother and thank her for something - anything.
Call your mother on her birthday. Do you remember it?
Call her on your birthday. Thank her for giving you life.
Stop being angry, resentful and unrealistic.
She worked while raising you and she deserves your love.

Answer 6

Maybe your mom is just trying to mind her own business. If she were around all the time telling you what to do, you would not like that either. After all, if you have had problems in the past maybe you have hurt your mom and she feels more comfortable in just leaving you alone.

Answer 7

dear friend
in certian age when we all leave the nest our mothers become so sensitive and vulnerable ,,,they might be hurt but they dont say a word ..i realize this on my mother when my married sisters dont call ..and she doesnt call so she wont impose her self but she would be really sad and hurt
so call her and show up so often and she will deeply appriciate that ..you have to know that your mother loves you like no one has ever loved you
i know it is harsh to say ..but our parents will not stay long for us ..and you will regret evey moment you didnt show her care and gratitude for the things she has done for you

Answer 8

look from ur message it shows how much u luv and care for ur mother ... and ur expectations r not wrong but don't put ego with this relation ... why u r bothered who is calling ... if u feel to find about ur mom call her or drop at her home ... give ur unconditional luv to her without expecting any return from it ... don't know seeing this ur mom may change ... cheer up .. :)

Answer 9

just tell her how you feel sometimes mothers don't want to impose in there kids life and so just tell her you feel like your doing it all to keep you and her relationship to gather and you think she needs to give a little