I would describe my friend as quite forthright. The other night, she had left a message on my mobile to say she had won a pair of tickets (just something simple, nothing flash) and asked me if I'd be interested. The tickets didn't have an expiry date on them, so we could have gone any time. She left a message saying, "If I don't hear from you by 9.30pm tonight, I'll assume you don't want to go". I don't like being 'timed' in this manner and I didn't get her message until the next morning, as I turn my phone off as soon as I leave work. I have arranged plenty of nights out together and have never 'forced' her to decide when or if she'd like to go at all. I respected her to get back to me when she was ready. What do you think? I've also been a victim of crime, which she knows about.
2007-01-31 21:05:42 · 11 answers · asked by Hello 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
She may have had a good reason for wanting an answer by that time; maybe it is simply a matter of wanting a definite answer because of her time situation.
Admittedly it comes off as a bit controling but unless she does it constantly, this one occasion is not enough to tar her as controlling.
My tuppence worth.
--That Cheeky Lad
2007-02-01 00:20:46 · answer #1 · answered by Charles-CeeJay_UK_ USA/CheekyLad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she did not go into a lenghty explanation because she was leaving a message on the phone. Some people are abrupt during messages, and I understand, I've launched into a message, and got cut off before I was done, too.
Try just saying:" sorry I did not get your message , boy, I would have liked to go with you!" and see what she says. Her answer might be that was the only free night she had, or the show is about to close and she really wanted to go.
If her excuse seems weird, you can choose to confront her with your suspicions, or let it go.
We do indeed put up with a lot from people in the name of friendship! Maybe that what it is all about, being a friend means getting controlled sometimes.
2007-02-01 01:49:54 · answer #2 · answered by riversconfluence 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This isn't controlling, it's a simple request. I'm sure she has other people she would like to ask but has chosen you first. This was very considerate of her. I don't consider her behaviour to be in any way objectionable.
Your behaviour is different though, you are being very suspicious and looking for the worst in the situation. Was it really such an awful thing for her to do to try to share her good fortune with you? You don't know how lucky you are.
2007-01-31 22:27:06 · answer #3 · answered by Velouria 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Does this mean : "that I've also been a victim of crime so I have a suspicious mind?" I would say so. When I saw her the next day, I would have said "since I didnt get your message till the next day, I hope the invitation is still open" or "I hope you enjoyed youself at the show." Plain and simple. what she replys is where you take it from there.
2007-01-31 21:20:37 · answer #4 · answered by agcgartner 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would say unless she has exhibited control over you at other times don't take it so personally. Possibly she had a time constraint of some sort in mind and needed to hear from you by 9:30. Call her as you normally do and just ask her what the rush was all about; don't be angry just be your usual self.
2007-01-31 21:16:14 · answer #5 · answered by valducci53 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It could just have been that she likes to sort out exactly in her mind what's going on....some people tend to panic if things aren't settled one way or the other...I tend to be quite laid back & relaxed not really getting panicky about stuff....whereas my daughter has to have everything all thought through, written down & organised....having just said that to you my daughter's a bit of a control freak...lol...not so much with other people but certainly with her time which yes! involves people...so I can see what you're saying about the possibility of your friend having controlling behaviour towards you.
I don't think it's a personal thing in as much as she needs to control you but more needs to control the situation & have it all organised in her mind.....depends how one wants to interpret that I guess!
2007-01-31 21:18:39 · answer #6 · answered by Funky 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I understand what you are saying, but maybe she was just really keen to go sooner rather and later, but wanted to give you first refusal before asking someone else. If this is a pattern of behaviour then maybe I'd be upset, but I would give her the benefit of the doubt this once.
2007-01-31 21:28:47 · answer #7 · answered by Nneave 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well if they were your friends tickets and she wanted to go the next night then i could see her putting a time limit for your response. she needs time to take someone else if you choose not to go. i am sure if you called and said "i just got your message" that she wouldnt be upset. just understand if she has asked someone else because it appears you arent her only friend.
i think this is what she was saying...."i'd like you to go with me tomorrow but if you dont call by 9:30 I will invite someone else."
2007-01-31 22:20:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she had a few people in mind that she wanted to give the tickets to. Even if that's the case, she should have given you more time.
2007-02-01 03:18:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're over-reacting a bit to a simple invitation
2007-01-31 21:27:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋