I really hate my mom's boyfriend. In trying to deal with it but I've really run out of solutions.?

Question

I am 21, I live with mother, my 18 yr.old sister and my daughter. Recently me and my mom's boyfriend got into a BIG argument between each other. Im talking about to the point where we were fighting and cursing each other out. This was not only the first time we have been into it. So she decided to put him out. But he continues to call, come over and spend nights here , and God know whatever else when I'm at work.. He is 54, hasnt worked in over a year. When he does get money he spends it on beer and drugs and doesnt give her one cent. Me and her pay all of the bills, take care of groceries, and purchase everything for the house.. He doesnt do or give her anything.I play a big part in paying bills because my job pays more than hers does.. And I dont feel comfortable, doing that when she has a man that stays here. I feel as though Im taking care of him. I want my own place but if I move she wouldnt be able to take care of all of her bills.. What do I do????

I feel like I have to be the captain of the house because my sister is 18 and suffers from seizures, and is slower than others her age. I feel like even though I'm 21 I feel 41.. I love helping my mom. Giving her 2 or 3 hundred dollars or paying every bill is no problem with me.. As long as he doesnt live here with us.. What is does is stay gone during the day but stays at night.. I just cant get her to understand and wake up. HE IS USING YOU MOM!!! He just wants a free ticket.. He doesnt work, but he has every benefit in the work here with us..

Why would a woman want a man that doesnt work, disrespects your family, doesnt come around until u get paid, eats up everything in the fridge and talks to u and your daughter any kind of way. If were him I would worship the ground she walked on if Im living somewhere rent free, bill free.

Answer 1

Your mother needs to know what she is doing is wrong. I kind of had a similar situation. I am off at college and my mom was living with her boyfriend he was mental abusive to her and she bought almost everything. I told her i woudlnt come home anymore because i felt like it was a compatition between him and me because he was always trying to compete with me. I laid it down straight with her that he was no good for her. And how would i ever be able to find soemone that was good for me when i see my own mother with someone that is horrible to her. I say if you need to move out, yea it may be hard on your mother, but you have to look after your life and you have a daughter? do you really want your child around a guy that is like this? probbaly not. Tell her either she needs to get ahold of this situation or you will leave because it isnt fair to you to be supporting not only yourslef and your child but her and her boyfriend.

Answer 2

First Pray about it!!! Then talk 2 ur Mother about it. Tell her how u feel the uncomfortable part & why. I understand that is ur Mother but she is grown she will know what 2 do 2 survive. She will realize how big of a help u were & he's not. You are grown with a child so get out on your own. Your sister is 18 grown enough I'm sure her & ur Mother can & will work something out. But u r 2 young 2 be stressing like this. There are 2 sides 2 every story think about the things u need ur mother for as well as the things she needs u for or yall do together. Remember 2 pray!!!

Answer 3

Well, it sounds like your mom is really stuck on this guy so, until she wakes up, you gotta look out for her because she would do the same thing for you. If that guy gets outta line again, dont hesitate to get him locked up. And everytime he does something crazy to you or anyone in that house, call the cops. Dont be scared either. That should put him in his place and hopefully let him know not to mess with you and your family in a bad way. And about him working, try talking to him. That man is too old to be living off of women and not helping out. He should be helping do something with the bills or the housework if he is going to be staying there all the time like he's a King. Good luck.

Answer 4

If you moved would she end up homeless or could would she still have her home and just not be able to pay other bills? That may be a deciding factor for you because I can understand your not wanting her to be homeless. If its just other bills, though, you may just have to let her manage on her own.

There are sometimes subsidies for things like heat. She may have to figure out to pay her electric bill. If your sister is "slow" there's a chance (I'm not sure, though) that your sister could get some SSI assistance, and from that she could pay board to your mother each mother.

Your mother does have a right to have her "friend", and if she put him out when you had problems with him you have to give her credit for that much. A lot of mothers (I don't approve of this but its true) wouldn't get rid of their boyfriend for their own child. Could you talk to your mother and just ask her what she would like to do: Does she want you to move out so she can have her friend there, does she want you to stay but pay less toward some of the house things and have the friend there as he is now, or would she like to see him outside the house. There must be something you could both work out if both of you really prefer you live together.

If he doesn't drugs he's a giant loser, so I don't get why she'd be bothered with him anyway - but, to each his own, I guess.

In any case, what if you agreed with your mother to keep your food separate; so if he wanted to eat he can eat her food or buy his own. Utility bills have to be paid no matter how many people are in a house. Food and other groceries are the things that extra people use up. If you agreed to separate food and separate whatever else it may ease your feeling that you are supporting him at all.

There's a point, too, where you need to honestly ask yourself what you gain by living with your mother; and if you are gaining something you need to factor that in when you're figuring out how much you are or aren't being taken advantage of. Are you saving a good amount on rent or mortgage by staying with your mother? Does she or your sister help care for your daughter? In certain ways, and regardless of who approves of your mother's choice of boyfriends, your money (no matter how helpful it may be) only buys you so much in terms of how much say you have in what she does.

If you figure out what you gain from living there versus how much you contribute you'll have a good idea of what exactly you are giving your mother "for free". If you're, by any chance, bringing in things she hasn't asked for that's another factor.

Your money may assist her with having a decent life, and it may buy her appreciation, but there is sometimes a point where someone's money cannot buy a piece of someone else's soul; and sometimes that's where people draw the line with regard to how much "say" they will let someone have as a result of making financial contributions.

I've just mentioned all things points as a way of offering perspective on a situation that seems to mean problems for everyone no matter what you do.

Answer 5

Dear Girl, At 21 you shouldn't be so burdened. You should be carefree and concerned about school, work, friends, having a good time, dating, clothes....I have the utmost respect for you. Your class, determination, dedication and loyalty to your family should be praised and honored. I would lay this burden at the feet of your mother. She should be the responsible adult and I have to say that as the mother of a 22 yr old myself, I am ashamed that your mom hasn't stepped up to the plate. I would never require my daughter to do those things for me. In fact, I do those things for her. Again, lay these burdens at your mother's feet and go have a life. Take your child and, if need be, your sister with you. I can tell you from experience that the man will not go away until your mom demands it. Good luck young, strong woman and have a good life.

Answer 6

Talk to your mom and tell her that if she wants to see him that she will have to see him at his place and that you don't want him there anymore. It is very apparent that he is using her. Also tell her that he is no longer allowed to spend the night there. Tell her if she has any problems with the new arrangements that she is free to get her own place or you will get your own place. Once this guy finds out that he can't get a free ride off of your family, most likely he will move on to greener pastures.

Answer 7

If you are helping pay the bills in the househould you do have some say. But, since it is her house you have to respect her decions, not agree. Tell her how you feel and if she still chooses to let him stay, you need to get your own place. She may see the light when you tell her if he stays you have to go. Not a heathy situation, especally since you say you have a child.

Answer 8

Give her the ultimatum either you or him.
If he is that bad one day she will see it but just be there for her when it all comes down.
Sometimes love ( or what you think is love) can be blind and no matter how much you can see whats wrong with him maybe your mum can't yet. One day she will and you need to do what is best for you and your child. Your mum needs to do thins on her own to see how bad he really is.
Good luck hope all turns out well

Answer 9

Only Your MOTHER can solve the situation by throwing that person out of the house

Answer 10

Go and stay with someone for a week or so, but tell your Mom you are moving out. I bet you she will kick his sorry butt out then. Show her you're not putting up with it anymore.