I keep hearing so many negative things being said by people who are an only-child in their family. It's making me sad.
I have a 1 year old daughter right now. My husband and I had WANTED to have 1 or 2 more kids, but I had MAJOR complications with my pregnancy and she was born 3 months early and both my daughter and I nearly died. I've been STRONGLY advised by doctors to not attempt another pregnancy. I always wanted to adopt and we've talked about that, but with the expenses of having a preemie and me not being able to work now because of that, we can't AFFORD to adopt a child right now. I have a 14 year old stepdaughter, but she's already so much older than my daughter that my daughter will essentially grow up as an only-child.
I grew up with a younger sister who is 2 years younger than me and we've always been very close. Not to mention that we grew up with TONS of cousins around. So I don't have any idea what it's like to be an only child.
What's your experience with this?
2007-01-31 18:52:25 · 8 answers · asked by Megan V 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
To comment on some answers: Surrogate mothering is INSANELY expensive and I won't do it. We've talked about adopting, as I already stated, but it's absolutely not possible right now and probably won't be for a few more years. I really didn't want any kids I have to be so spread out in age.
We've basically accepted that we're probably only going to have one, and she's our miracle baby, so we're definitely blessed and happy! I just need reassurance, I guess, from people who KNOW what it's like to be an only child since I really don't know what it's like.
The only-children I know all say they hated being an only child and they were lonely, etc. But on the other hand, I see all of them as very outgoing/friendly people. Someone said they tend to be shy, which I disagree with.
But thanks so much for everyone's experiences and opinions!
2007-01-31 19:59:03 · update #1
Many people enjoy being only-children. I don't think it is that bad. The only time it may be on the crummy side is when the last parent dies, but sometimes the child has a spouse by that time.
Only children often grow up feeling very special.
Just a little story about what we want for our children: I have two sons and a daughter. I would have liked to have had a sister for my daughter because I kind of felt bad that she was the only girl. (She's the youngest.) Once she got into her teens and older she would say she was glad she didn't have a sister because she saw her friends fighting with their sisters and competing and whatever else, and she has said she is entirely happy to be the only girl.
I think when it comes to what we have for siblings most of us are fairly content with the ones we got or didn't get. There's good and bad to whatever we get - a bunch of siblings, only one or two, or none. People who don't have siblings don't really know what they're missing (not the good, not the bad).
Not that you'd want to do this now because you're baby is still little, but in another few years you may want to look into taking in a foster-child/infant who is expected to be placed for adoption. This type of adoption does not cost money (maybe a couple/few dollars for a probate court records check); but it does involve taking the chance that the child may not be placed for adoption after all. I know a couple who adopted two little girls two years apart this way.
2007-01-31 20:21:32 · answer #1 · answered by WhiteLilac1 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think in this kind of situation you are better off having only one child. Sometimes it can't be helped. Personally I am glad I wasn't an olny child but I have a little brother who is alot younger than all of us he is 8 this year and my sister and I are in our 20's to early 30's which I said to mum really makes him an only child. He has three nephews who are older than him and three more younger than him. Mum was saying if it wasn't for the kids us girls have he would really be lonely. I know of a couple and one is family who are only children and I feel sorry for them.
If it concerns you so much why don't you and your husband consider adoption, you will also be giving a child who needs parents like you to give them thelove they deserve.
2007-02-01 03:27:13 · answer #2 · answered by shellhiggs07 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dont be in a hurry to have another child your baby is only 1 u could wait for another 4 yrs before thinking about another one by that time u might be in a position to adopt. The only negative thing ive heard with being an only child is that they usually get spoilt rotton.
2007-02-01 20:29:33 · answer #3 · answered by wildpalomino 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can check into surrogate pregnancy or foster care. A lot of children are adopted after being in the home through foster care. That way you can see if the child will fit in your family. Good luck!
2007-02-01 03:14:18 · answer #4 · answered by hotmama 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No. I am an only child and my son is an only child. They tend to be a little more "reserved" or "shy" in social situations, but all in all I think stronger individuals because they have to learn a lot on their own. Also, only children tend to adjust to being alone better whereas others have a hard time with it. Also, I think they're smarter because usually there's more reading and self-learning.
2007-02-01 03:42:50 · answer #5 · answered by marincaligirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I,ve been an only child, same is the case with my son.
We're quite okay . If you need assurance, there would be n no of examples.
The only caution in this case parents should take is that the kid should be encouraged to play,share with oither kids of same age. Social interactions ,friendship are strong support pillars once peopole grow up .
2007-02-01 03:18:16 · answer #6 · answered by ramesh c 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are doing the right thing! There are too many of us out there having babies without giving it a thought. Hon, you have enough on your plate right now. Love your tottler. You have lots of other kids for yours to get together with. Don't just have another kid because you are trying to do "the right thing." Just provide the one you have with love and happiness. The rest will take care of itself.
2007-02-01 03:30:12 · answer #7 · answered by Big Bertha 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no nothen wrong with being an only child i was
i am very independent and i can entertain myself very well
i grew up with the thoughts of doing everything by myself so i have been very successful
my son who is also an only child has always been very independent
he is 13 and wants go get a job be his own person and also do things by himself
there is nothen at all wrong with being an only
2007-02-01 06:12:07 · answer #8 · answered by elite_women_rule_the_rock 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋