Feeling resentment about his children, advice please?

Question

I hate feeling the way I do, but I am really resentful of my bf's 3 children. I am really a good and giving person who loves children, but I feel used an abused by him and his kids. Could all you ladies out there please tell me what you think of this situation. First of all he lives with me in my house. I would be lying if I said he pays his fair share. he doesnt make as much as I do, so doesnt contribute half, but trys to make up for it in other ways. (ok, maybe he does). His 3 children come every single weekend from Friday thru Sunday night and they pretty much take over the whole house, and boy can they eat! Not to mention all the other expenses. Sometimes he doesnt have money to buy food for them because he pays his ex wife child support almost his whole check because he wont get it reduced. Now comes the real kicker. He ignores me when they are there showering so much affection on them its a little extreme. I love my daughter but this guy is obsessed with his daughter

I know some of you may think I'm just jelous, and maybe I am, but I dont know what to do. I have tried talking to him about it, but he gets angry and accuses me of not liking his kids. Well I'm beginning not to! Also, if he takes them somewhere he leaves me at home. He says he needs time alone with them. Thats fine, but he really does see them a lot. Sometimes I feel I should just ask him to leave because this is such a big problem. things are getting really bad because of it. My own daughter cant even watch TV or hang in the family room because they have totally taken over. What should I do?

Answer 1

His kids come first, as they should; and although your opinion may be that he pays too much attention or gives too much affection to his daughter, there is the chance that this is just a difference of personalities between you and him as far as how to treat kids goes.

To me, though, in view of the fact that he has three kids and you have one both of you should live in your separate homes, and take your romance (if there's any left) outside of the home. That would give you each your own, private, uncomplicated, family life with your respective children. It would give all the children involved their own private family lives without the complication of boyfriends of parents and girlfriends of parents.

You and your friend could go out, have your time together, and return to your own homes. Everyone would have his own money and his own bills, and there would be no misunderstandings about who contributes what. Nobody would feel used or abused.
When you were together you would be focused on each other. When you were each with your children you would be focused on them.

I, personally, don't think you should take it personally that he ignores you when the children he doesn't live with are there. I do, however, think you should take it personally that he and his kids appear to be taking over your house more than you'd like.

Even if he had to rent a room in a house where rooms are rented to divorced guys, usually - if the house is a nice one (and they do exist) - the adults who stay there can have their children visit.

I think with your feeling as you do you potentially have the makings of a break-up, which is why I wonder if your relationship would be better off by him moving out.

Answer 2

When I read your question *** problem relating to your personnel life, I was just wondering from where you met this unfeeling buger.Why did you not enquiry about this person while dating him. I believe he is just wolf in sheeping cloth.
Any what has happened has happened. NOW try to have a frank talk with him regarding his keeping money and at the same time i think it's better if you let him go if he ignores you when they are with him showering so much affection on them.There is lot of eligiable men roaming around the street with better bank balance. As per your description, the way you express, he is not in love with you. That's why he does not care about your daughter. Otherwise if he accepts you in the form of LOVER or FRIEND, he'll be accepting and loving your child despite of number of childredn he has.BUT he is still you because he does not have enough money to get accommodation let alone for fooding. So try & get help from some of the social works etc.

Answer 3

Your bf is the one you should resent, he moved into YOUR home (with his children on weekends) and is not contributing to the household. He sounds like a "freeloader" to me but as long as you put up with it he will use you all he can.

Your house is not your home anymore and you should give him a deadline to move out. It's not his kids fault, but you said yourself that he won't bother to get his child support reduced, etc.
He is taking BIG advantage of you! His getting angry and saying you don't like his children is just a cop out! He is most likely playing you and his ex-wife. He would last 5 minutes in my home!
Your daughter's interests should come first as it is her home too.


It sounds to me like your daughter is taking a back seat in all this and you are putting your boy friend before her!

My guess is you are a "push over" and will put your bum boy friend before your daughter, continue to live with him, gripe about his children, regardless of what advice others give you. I hope I am wrong!!

Answer 4

You have good reason to feel resentful. You are being taken advantage of. And if something doesnt change, you won't last as a couple much longer. They come to your home, like they're on vacation. You need to put your foot down. It's YOUR home and THEY are all guests! YOU and your daughter are NOT the guests, and should NOT be made to feel uncomfortable in your own home. Perhaps he needs to get a place of his own. And you and your daughter need to TAKE YOUR HOME BACK!

Answer 5

When I read your statement I had to really decide should I come forward with my thoughts. At first I was a little disturb about him just having his children, but I was please to know that you at least have a daughter. My advice is to do a trail separation. Yes, I know people would say sit down with him and work things out, and perhaps they are right, but they are not you!

Have your boy friend to move out for two weeks. Keep your communication open with him, but see how it feels to be with out him and his kids on the weekend. Once your thoughts and feeling are collected you can make the right decision for the both of you, including your daughter. Good luck and God Bless,,,

Pls let me know what happens...

Answer 6

I try to stay away from guys with kids, especially young kids, unless they really make a lot of money or have a lot of money to provide for the kids. I think you're being taken advantage of. The guy should be showering you with attention and showering the kids with some attention. And he should be taking care of the finances entirely.

Answer 7

You have your daughter living with you. This guy only gets to see his kids on the weekends. OF COURSE he is going to be giving them attention. Anyone that has kids is going to put them first as they should. If you have decided it's too much for you to handle, then by all means send him on his way.

Think of it 10 years from now, which will be more important...the weekends you got to have by yourself or the time you allowed your BF to be with his kids.

Answer 8

Shame on you for letting his man shack up with you and then have his children come over and live in the same house. Tell your bf to grow up and get his own place. No wonder you feel like you are being taken advantage of..you are.

Answer 9

You need to remind him that this is YOUR house, and if he is going to live with you in YOUR house and be partners, when his children go out on an outing with him you should be welcome because you are becoming part of their family as they are becoming part yours. He is just using you for somewhere to srat and bring his kids and you are always going to support him. He shouldbe including your daughter in these outings aswel.

Kick him out, he is no good for you or your daughter, he is going to be begging gor you to let him stay and how much he loves you because he has it so good with you, but you need to think of you and your daughters happiness. KICK HIM OUT

Answer 10

Boot him out. It's not your job to feed and house his kids. Your daughter should come first.