what advice can i give ?

Question

a co-worker and friend of mine has a small problem...and I am not sure on how to help ease her mind a little...b/c honestly mine isn't....her 18 year old daughter is pregnant...never graduated high school...has no job...no license...no nothing....she is however working on the above listed.....this daughter is 31/2 months pregnant....today she calls me and tells me that her other daughter who just turned 16 is pregnant....she is a freshman in high school...this has all been a really big blow to her (the mom)....i can't find the right words to comfort her...she feels like the worst mother on the planet...and she isn't...I have always felt that you are responsible for your own reactions...b/c you hurt yourself before anyone....any advice I can give to her would be appreciated

Answer 1

Nothing can undo what's been done..........The best thing you can do for your friend is, as others have said, be supportive........Her daughters did what they wanted to do and they are definitely repsonsible for their own actions...........The girls must take responsibility for their own actions............Be there for your friend and maybe there is even some kind of counseling that might deal with cases like this.......Support groups are there for almost everything.........Perhaps you might even go with her to a meeting, if she's willing to try that and such groups exists........She shouldn't carry guilt for something she didn't do..........CAT

[e-mail]

Answer 2

The best thing i can tell you to do would be to take her out to lunch/ dinner and let her know that you are behind her 100%, and let her know that you'll help her with whatever needs to be done. The most important thing to tell her is that she is not a bad mother! Teenagers can make their own decisons and sometimes they are not good ones, however her daughters will be able to learn from their mistakes. She should let her daughters know that the decisions that they make from here on out not only have an effect on them, but their unborn babies as well. Good luck.. . I hope that everything works out for your co-woker!

Answer 3

Tell her that she is a great mom. That her daughters getting pregnant has nothing to do with her. Sometimes kids just make stupid decistions. I know because I had a child as a teenager. Just be ther to comfort her, even if you do not know what to say. it will help.

Answer 4

When I got preg. with my son i was 16..I didnt know what to think. I told my mom...she was mad but she still loved me..the only advice I can give...is to tell her that she is there mother...and mistakes are made to be made. I made a mistake...u can believe this or not..but when I got preg. i was on birth control pills and we use a condom. Im not fibbin to u...seriously..! I was pretected.. But things happen for a reason. My mom was the best mom in the world and what I did was not her fault it was my decision. I tried to avoid it but it happened. Things happen for a reason. WHat hurts us sooo bad will make us stronger. She might think she is a bad mom...but shes not. She is probably like my mom...she is the best! AND NOTHING will ever change that.. Just have her ask her kids if they know what they are doing is going to cost alot of money and just have her give her kids options. But most of all make sure she tells her kids tha she is there for them. Maybe she can have a little "meeting" with the fathers and just have her ask the guys "what do u plan on doing to help my daughters out..? Aske them if they are going to be there for their future kids.." Just have her make sure that what her daughters decisions are the ones that they will not regret. and to make sure that the fathers are going to be there for them. And if they are not going to be there then to think of another option that i dont wanna mention because I think it is wrong but if ur that young what else can u do..It takes two people to do it...and it take two people to raise a family...I hope and pray that I helped u out as much as I can...
Im going to pray for your friends and hope that what ever decision they make is the right one for them. And make them be safe and stay safe..God please Stand over them and make sure they are trying to stay stress free and make sure they are going to stay on the right path and keep u in there hearts...Amen!
God Bless

Answer 5

i got prego at 15,17(mis carried),18,20 and 21. i knew about protection, i knew my options, my mother informed of these and did her best so that it wouldnt happen to me, but it did. shes not a terrible mother, im sure she informed her daughters of "safe sex" its something you cant prevent, you can only help by informing a child of all of there options and know you did your part, then it is ther childs job to put that knowledge to use and if they dont, and they screw up, then they have to deal with conciquinces. just let her know she did her best to inform her daughters and they chose not to listen, now they have to deal with the conciquenses. this does not at all make her a bad mother, infact it will make her a stronger mother! just tell her that whats happened has happened and you cant look down on yourself, look ahead think of the beauitfull grand babies you will have, the new lessons your children will learn, you know along those lines. make it a positive thing, dont say im so sorry, say congrats! if she thinks its a bad thing convince her of the good thats to come!

Answer 6

probably no advice is best - but comforting and listening and supporting is! This will be a very tough time for all of them, being there to listen, not to take sides, not to judge will be the best thing that you can do. Choose your words carefully and help her see that she is a great mom and has lots of wisdom to share with her family and is healthy and strong enough to "weather this storm"