7 year old daughter acting out and lashing out at stepfather?

Question

My daughter has become progressively worse over the past 3 months or so. She recently started talking about how her life sucks and she never has fun or anything. In addition to this she keeps saying how her life was so much better when it was just her and I and her stepfather wasnt in the picture. My husband and I have been together since she was 2. He has taken care of her and been there for her the whole time. Her real father (who I left b/c of his drug problem when she was 6 mths old) is very rarely in the picture though she speaks very highly of him. It is really starting to take it's toll on all of us. I don't understand why she is acting this way. My husband is getting to the point of where he is thinking maybe he should leave. I've been patient and tried talking to her and asking what's the problem and whats up with her but not getting anywhere it seems. Its turned into a arguing match with everyone. Any advice is GREATLY appreciated! Thanks

She is a very smart girl and most adults say she is much more mature then any seven year old they have met. I wonder if maybe she has finally come to understand her real father isn't coming into the picture any time soon.

Answer 1

Kids don't want to be "talked out" of bad behavior... they want to be shown where the boundaries are. Next time she's inappropriate in the home you and your husband provide for her? YOU lay down the law. By tolerating her behavior (which she's probably mimmicking from kids at school) with only a tender conversation about what SHE is feeling, you're just reinforcing for her that this is about what she feels. You're teaching her to be selfish instead of respectful.

What would you do if you were still together with your Ex (let's just imagine he's a good guy you'd have stayed married to, okay?) and she spoke to him the way she's speaking to your husband? You wouldn't stand for it, would you? She needs to know that type of behavior is NOT okay.

It doesn't require a spanking, it doesn't require taking things away, it simply requires one parent who cares enough about modeling respect within the home to their children, to say, calmly but leaving no room for argument, "I will NOT tolerate you speaking about ____ like that. He is a good man who has provided everything you have and has been here every day of the last four years of your life. Saying things like that is disrespectful and I will not allow you to speak that way to him or any other person."

Once she gets over herself a little, you can sit down with her and let her know how much you appreciate her new behavior... and let her know that she can talk to you about things that are bothering her... but acting that way is never a good way to go. (Make her earn that conversation, though...)

Answer 2

I have 2 girls ages 8 and 10 so I understand your fears. First of all I would just go in her room and ask her if anything in there bothers her. One time my daughter suddenly became afraid of something that had always been in her room. I also try to casually ask my kids about abuse issues when we are playing a game or I am doing the dishes, when it is just us, but not sitting together eye to eye so if they are hesitant they may feel braver if you are not starting at them, but glance over and watch her facial reactions. Also do you trust who ever else is in the house? I was abused as a child as well and was threatened by my abuser. I tell my kids regardless what someone says they will NEVER be around you again so they could never harm you for telling. Writing a note is a good route too. Sometimes kids can write what they cannot say. Good luck and follow your gut on this, if you have a gut feeling find a way to reach her, and take a look at who is in her life that may have done something to her. It is not always just men, women abuse as well.

Answer 3

She has figured out how to push the "right " buttons with the two of you. She is exercising control over her life and those in it. Unfortunately she's found the one thing that will seriously hurt you and your husband the most. Ignoring it is not a possibility, spanking would only make her words and actions become worse........ so what to do?? Sadly I'm in the same situation, serious princess complex, the only thing that even remotely works here is taking what she values most from her. Which in our case are her my little ponies. And even then, it doesn't work often enough for my comfort. The only thing I can tell you is what my mom told me................. she said( jokingly ) ....."Well......... the mothers curse works!"

Answer 4

Don't let your daughter run your life...it sounds like you have spoiled her to much...you have got to let her know you are the one in charge...trust me..you don't want this kind of attitude going into the teen years......

tell her how it is going to be...and that it is non-negotiable...let her express her opinions as long as she does so in a civil way....if she starts to raise her voice or be disrespectful than tell her to shut up..and not to speak until she can do so in a civilized way...if she continues..take something of hers away...do a time out (those never did much good I found)..and if everything else fells smack her on the a___.........and tell her that is the one thing she can not do.. be disrespectful.........that it will not be tolerated in any way......

tell her you expect her to start acting her age and not like a baby..and to quit hurting your husband ..remind her how this man has been with her since she was still in diapers and how he cares about her......and to stop being a spoiled, selfish ,hurtful ,little person because it is ugly......and again it will not be tolerated....

you have got to take charge of this situation or it will only get worse as time goes on.....

If all else fails take her to counseling.....but don't let your husband leave on the whims of a child.....

Answer 5

People Making By Virginia Satir Has the info you are looking for ,it will not only help you through the phase, but the next even more interesting which is adolescents. This is just another process in the growth into adulthood. Please don't let this effect your relationship with you mate you will be together long after your daughter has started, and is living her own life. Be more assertive you are the adults

Answer 6

Have A LOT of mother-daughter only bonding time where just the two of you spend the day together stepdad free.

Answer 7

be a little tougher on her, show her that her life doesnt really suck, and explain to her what her life should be like if it really did suck, it may sound rough for a small kid, but this will only grow worse until you have an out of control teen on your hands

Answer 8

DEAR I GAVE YOU A STAR I FILL LIKE YOU NEED IT OK SO SORRY THINGS ARE GOING SO ROUGH YOU MIGHT HAVE TO SHOW TOUGH LOVE WITH DISCIPLINE LIKE THIS BELOW PLEASE TRY IT OK (1) TIME OUT IN YOUR ROOM NO TOYS NO TV SHOWS NO CELL PHONE CALLS NO PHONE CALLS AT ALL (2) NO FRIENDS OVER AFTER SCHOOL NO SLEEP OVERS ON WEEKENDS (3) PUT HER ON HER KNEES WITH HER NOSE IN THE CONNER FOR A TIME OUT. NO VIDEO GAMES NO DVD MOVIES (4) SPANK HER BOTTOM UNTIL IT IS RED TAKE HER TO HER ROOM ARE YOUR ROOM TO DO AND DO IT UNTIL SHE GETS THE MESSAGE I HOPE THIS WORKS OUT OK TAKE CARE.

Answer 9

Trying a professional counselor.