If you died tonight, what would you regret having done or not done?

Question

I just found out an acquaintance of mine committed suicide. I knew he had been depressed because his own brother and uncle had committed suicide in the months prior. I saw him in October a couple weeks after his brother passed. We talked for several hours and I gave him some books of various sorts. He left me two voicemails a couple weeks later. One said he would "just see me on the other side." I called him right back and left a message. I didn't hear from him, but knew he was around. I have recently been meaning to get together with him, then it happened. He's gone. I feel I could have change this had I been persistent with him.

Answer 1

Nobody knew...it was no one's fault. I had a friend commit suicide last year...he shot himself in the head with his dad's gun. It's hard...but life. must. go on. We're human beings- we carry on. That's what we do. I learned in my college psych class that suicide is performed under situations of intense anger and hopelessness. Yet it didn't feel like that when my friend died. It seemed almost planned...I guess they think about it a lot and then they're pushed and their thoughts become reality...

One of my favorite poets is Anne Sexton. One of her poems...for some reason..really helped me get thru my freind's death. Well the author committed suicide not long after she wrote it yet there was something about that poem...I don't know. But I'll copy and paste it for you..sorry and good luck moving on...

Wanting to die by Anne Sexton

Since you ask, most days I cannot remember.
I walk in my clothing, unmarked by that voyage.
Then the most unnameable lust returns.

Even then I have nothing against life.
I know well the grass blades you mention
the furniture you have placed under the sun.

But suicides have a special language.
Like carpenters they want to know which tools.
They never ask why build.

Twice I have so simply declared myself
have possessed the enemy, eaten the enemy,
have taken on his craft, his magic.

In this way, heavy and thoughtful,
warmer than oil or water,
I have rested, drooling at the mouth-hole.

I did not think of my body at needle point.
Even the cornea and the leftover urine were gone.
Suicides have already betrayed the body.

Still-born, they don't always die,
but dazzled, they can't forget a drug so sweet
that even children would look on and smile.

To thrust all that life under your tongue! --
that, all by itself, becomes a passion.
Death's a sad bone; bruised, you'd say,

and yet she waits for me, year and year,
to so delicately undo an old would,
to empty my breath from its bad prison.

Balanced there, suicides sometimes meet,
raging at the fruit, a pumped-up moon,
leaving the bread they mistook for a kiss,

leaving the page of a book carelessly open,
something unsaid, the phone off the hook
and the love, whatever it was, an infection.

Answer 2

I'm very sorry for your story. I know the disappointment of finding out someone ended their own life.
First of all, you cannot blame yourself for this. He was a big boy -- he made his own choices, and that's what he chose. You had a long talk with him, you tried, and he decided to do it anyway. You can't keep someone alive against their will.
Secondly, you cannot know that you would have made a difference. What, you could have put it off for a few months, like you did before? He knew you were there to reach out. He had your phone number. You called and left a message, he never called you back, leave it at that.
Thirdly, you can't live your life playing what if. If I'd known X, I would have done Y. The point is, you didn't know.
I grew up watching my dad abuse his body with alcohol and junkfood. He died of complications from heart disease and diabetes. Was I to know, all those years, to take those things away from him? It's not your job to know the future. All you can go on is the knowledge you have today.
As harsh as it sounds, your friend knew he had resources, and he chose to ignore them. It's not your fault he made that choice.
I know it will take time to get over the pain. Take comfort that he knew he could have called you. And use this as a catalyst to cherish the people you still have. Turn this into something positive. God bless.
.

Answer 3

Sorry to hear about your friend. You can't feel guilty for not saving your friend. You tried to help it sounded like, but I'm sure many others that knew him felt the same way. Please talk with someone if you can't forgive yourself for not saving him. Some friends may not understand what you're going through. Find someone who does, nothing wrong with that.

My only regret would be not being able to raise my children. I think there is nothing worse that losing a family member when small children are involved. I try to enjoy life and do lots of family stuff (like vacations). We don't save money like we should, but I'll never regret the great photos and memories we have all made together being active and spending time vacationing.

I've skiied the mountians, and dived in the ocean. Life should be enjoyed, it's sad when it isn't.

Answer 4

Do not put the burden of grief or regret on your shoulders.

He has to answer to God, and God knows what was in his heart. I am sorry you went through this, but take it as an experience of appreciating and loving those around you right now, and not later.

Always leave those you love with a statement of love for them. Make sure they always know of your feelings for them. Life holds no guarantees, and life does have sudden shifts that change lives overnight.

I know my family (parents, siblings, nieces & nephews) knows that I love them, as we say it often, and share hugs when we greet. If I were to die today, I would regret not having my debts fully paid off, and leaving my fiance alone. That is what would trouble my soul the most - leaving Patrick to live here without me. We are very close and dependent on each other.

Guess that's it.

013107 10:12

Answer 5

I am very sorry about your friend's death. Please don't think for a second longer that you could have prevented his death. Once a person has seriously decided to commit suicide, nothing will deter that decision. Sometimes outside circumstances overwhelm the mind's ability to cope. But you couldn't have prevented it. You already did your best by talking for hours and giving him books to read. He left this world knowing that at least one person would grieve his passing. What better gift could you give than that? Now, as for your question, stop thinking about death and regrets. Dream great dreams and work hard at making them reality. Then, if tomorrow never comes, you will have no regrets.

Answer 6

It is not your fault.

My uncle had a similar experience several years ago. A friend of his called him up, had coffee with him and committed suicide a few days latter.

My uncle had a very hard time living with this, and felt it was his fault. Just maybe he could have done something.

He saw and add for a group for friends and family of people who committed suicide. He went and it helped him alot.

Maybe there is a group in your city that could help you.

Answer 7

My greatest sense sorry approximately is that I have been given too busey and that i did not get to make beneficial my mom knew I enjoyed her in the past she had a stroke. i've got continually regreted not asking out this female I had weigh down on incredibly lots in the process faculty. i substitute into never brave sufficient, i substitute into beneficial she'd say no. Oh properly, **** occurs authentic.

Answer 8

im sorry for your loss. from my pov, im not sure there is anything you could have done. try not to feel guilty for things that are not in your control. you know those little wind up toys? sometimes the toy goes to one side or ther other. if you put your hand in the way of its path, it doesnt matter because sometimes it will find the same path. that is kind of like your friend. he was on a path of his very own, which no one could take him off of. my advice for you is that i hope you dont feel guilt and you can put this behind you.

Answer 9

i would regret not getting revenge on a bunch of people.. nothing serious.. and i would regret never kicking my brother out our house.. hes 24 and cant keep a job.. let the real world teach how to live.... i would also regret never seeing my niece

Answer 10

no regrets, mate

we want to think we could have done something - and we will
guilt ourselves into the "I should have's- or If Only"

You cannot stop a freight train -

we lost a friend - so we grieve

but hold your head high - you were there for them - !

proud of you

ur frend 2