Should i dump my boyfriend of 7 months?

Question

i feel like him and i are drifting farther and farther apart. He has been hanging up the phone on me quite frequently b/c he gets upset because he feels like he's not worthy to be with me. he also tells me that i should go find someone else who's better. i've gotten the feeling that he doesnt love me anymore and have asked him. he says he still loves me and wouldnt know what to do if i wasnt in his life.

i just dont know what to do. i still love him. but i think that he's hinting to me that he doesnt love me back. hes not the same person i fell in love with.

he has been going through a heavy depression and i feel bad b/c i cant see him when he needs me most. he lives an hour away from me and will be having surgery within the next week. if i was to dump him when would be the best time? before or after the surgery? i kind of feel like im just running away from all these diffuculties and i dont want to leave and then regret my decision for a long time after. i need help please.

Answer 1

Personally, I've gone through the same exact thing. It's just a phase that the guy goes through. Theres no doubt about it that he still loves you. Something is just wrong with him and I think he's still in his depressed mode where he doesn't think that he truly IS good enough for you. He realizes that maybe he hasn't been the best guy for you and you need to find someone that is good enough for you. But really, I wouldn't break up with him. I can tell you love him and it would break his heart if you leave him. He really does need you right now, exp. when going through surgery. Not only as a gf but as a best friend. Do whatever you feel is right....but if you really do love him, you will stick by his side through thick and thin, and make him feel as if you DO deserve him and he is worthy of being the one your in a relationship with. I wish you 2 the best of luck and hope you make the right decision.

Answer 2

If he's the one that feels as if he's not worthy of you, then he's not. I think you should dump him. The whole, "I'm not worthy of your love" and that self pity game he's playing with you is just another way to say, " I don't feel the same way you feel about me and I don't want to hurt your feelings." He doesn't feel like he deserves you because he does not want you. Instead of being a man and saying that, he's being a coward about the situation. If I were you, I would dump him right before his surgery and never look back. Since he is hinting that he does not want to be with you, there is no better time than now to let him go. Right when he'll need you most...lol. Sounds like he's found someone new. That would explain the change in his behavior. I wouldn't be surprised if the other women ends up in the recovery room after his surgery. lol

Answer 3

Hey "Ship",
The WRONG approach would be to dump your guy!
His actions are his way of hinting that he's lacking attention, and you need to be there for him!
It does sound like he's depressed but he needs your understanding and you should help him through this time!

I have been through Depression and I was at a point where everything seemed doomed in this world and I was needing my friends the MOST, SO, stand by him!

If you love him, then help him any way you can!
Believe me what I'm telling you! And, yes you would regret it if you turned your back on that guy now! Don't do that! Be a good friend as well as a girlfriend and stick by him, OK?????

Answer 4

It is completely normal for a person to change 180 degrees in a relationship. It happened to me with my ex gf. I acted exactly like your bf is acting. I did it because I didn't feel she complimented me enough. This may or may not be the case with your bf. Try it. Look for the things he's good at, and point them out. He may also be using you to sympathize for him, simply because you care. I am also guilty of that with my ex. Talk to him, ask him why he feels the way he does. When he answers, he will probably say something about how he isn't good enough for you. Tell him ONCE that he is good enough to you and explain why, but only ONCE. If he keeps going, then start to call him stupid and say that he needs to stop acting like that. Trust me, he just needs someone to snap him back into reality. That's what I needed, and I got it, and now I'm fine. I am confident in myself. Oh, and give it a little while. Don't give up on him yet. He can still change back. I did. Hopefully this helps. Good luck!!!

Answer 5

Honey, one thing you have to understand is that his problems aren't yours. To expect you to take on his issues when you obviously have your own right now is expecting too much. He should be supporting you (emotionally) right now and proving to you how much he really wants you to be with him rather than hanging up the phone on you time after time. From the objective point of view, he seems manipulative, very insecure, and not ready for a decent relationship. If he was ready, he wouldn't be pushing you away or hanging up the phone on you. It seems to me like he is using that as a form of control, perhaps to get you to think that you "need" him, or that he "needs" you (in a twisted way), or perhaps to get you to break up with him. It could be that there is someone else he's interested in. It's difficult to tell what's going on with long distance if there are "gray areas" such as this, as you are confused and don't understand. It shouldn't be that way. Long distance is difficult, but either way, it takes two to make it work out right as a couple. I think you should back off, now, before your surgery, and use your surgery as a time to recoup, inside and out. Cut him off cold turkey for at least a few weeks. Otherwise he may try to convince you to give it another try before you have had time to think things through clearly. And honestly, from the objective point of view, he doesn't seem ready for a decent relationship.

Answer 6

Oh my God, this sounds like my exact life, he was always telling me there was better, and yes, mine had severe depression. We got into it, I was upset for about 2 weeks, and was ready to work on things, but he went rather psycho and drug it out for 68 miserable days. He told me to stand by my man, that was the last I heard from him, and believe it or not, I feel a whole lot better. He was definately not the right one for me, and I can tell you, the one your dealing with isn't the right one for you. It's been about 10 days since I heard from him, he couldn't even pay his phone bill and had it disconnected. You won't regret your decesion, if you want to save your own mental health, please RUN!!! don't walk away. Make it a clean break no matter how difficult it will be. Best of luck to you!!!

Answer 7

Well you don't have to "break up" per say. Go on a break. I for one thing this relationship is over. He has told you to go find someone else. I say don't be with him, but don't find someone else just yet. Be with him for his operation as a friend. You guys sound like you are really close. Be with him and be his support during surgery. Put your relationship on hold. Don't see other people at this time. Focous on your friendship. Maybe the romance will rekindle, but right now you need to concentrate on your friend.

Answer 8

particular, i substitute into single for an extremely long term, and had an extremely undesirable relationship, and have a 0 bullsh.. tolerance rule, so as to the slightest element i do unlike, merely decide to end issues. To me a relationship is fairly not worth any rigidity, have sufficient of that from artwork and what else existence brings.

Answer 9

i went through almost the exact same situation.this kind of thing always happens around 6 months of being in a relationship.the problems start and u dont feel as excited and happy as u used to be wen u first got together.thats normal. i dont hink he's trying to get rid of u tho. he's probly jus going through a hard tym. he's taking it out on u , but im sure he dusnt mean to..it all depends on if u really love him. if u really really love him, then stay with him..if u really love each other ud get through ur problems 2gether..me and my boyfriend went through the same situation and i realized i really loved him and we got through it..we've been happily 2gether for a year and a half..listen to ur gut instinct..

Answer 10

Be there for him. Don't give up until you know you've tried every single last resort...and then, know that you do not have to be a martyr... you've got someone wonderful to share with somebody...

And even if you move on, be a friend to this guy...approach this situation with love and you'll find the way...