12 year old son doing dr.ugs?

Question

I have 2 sons, Ryan (12) and Britain (6). I love them both so much. But lately Ryan has been having some problems with dr.ugs. I found pot in his room and I heard from principles and teachers at his school that he was found smoking it. I never thought he would ever do this. I knew that one of his friends, Brandon, smoked pot but I didnt know they were still friends so I figured maybe Ryan got the pot from him. Ryan won't tell me where he got it or why he's smoking it. He has also tried offering his little brother some. I took away internet for a week. I know Ryan goes completly insane when he gets punished and it kills me to see him that way. His father used to beat him and i know his memory is scarred from that, too. maybe he's only smoking to try and get away from the bad memories? I really dont know why. I've tried asking him and I've only gotten an answer once and it was just" because i need it" and i couldnt get anything else out of him. I just dont know how to punish him.

BTW Ryan has had some mental break downs and some hard moments in life, having to do with child abuse, and se.xual abuse and has been really depressed from a break up but I've tried to tell him all I can about how bad it is for you and he still won't listen. Tot tell you the truth, he does have some "mental issues" he takes prozac for it though. I dont even know how it started. The only reason I can think of is because of his past with his dad.

I've tried talking to him and can't get anything out of him.

Answer 1

Tell him no matter how hard life's been it's still no excuse to use drugs to to ease the pain. All it will do is get him into more trouble!

Answer 2

ok first off where were you when his father was beating him and where were you when he was being sexual abused. Your son is doing drugs because you were a bad mother. Then when you find out your child is doing drugs you ground him from the computer for one week WOW. How about putting him in a drug treatment center or drug rehab, what are you waiting for your 6 year old to be on drugs too. Children need a parent with a backbone grow on and discpline your son correctly. make him go to AA meetings and Children are suppose to get mad when they are punished being a good parent means being a bad cop. He is not smoking pot to forget bad memories he is smoking pot because he is a road to destruction stop him now.

Answer 3

Hi there!
First I want to tell you that I am so sorry that you have had such a hard time. Keep your heart open girl, and remember that God's mercy is new every morning, for you and your boys.
I want you to tell Ryan, that you are so sorry that he needs to change his conciousness to cope with life. That must be very hard for a bright and excellent young person like him. Tell him that nothing he can do would ever make you stop loving him.

Another answer listed having loads of good times with him to keep a healthy connection going; this is right. (Invite him and Britain to cook their favorite foods with you for supper. Take turns on who gets to have their favorites on different nights)
I suspect that you work alot. This makes it hard to keep an eye on him. There are answers to this problem though.

Find out what he loves to do. Is it painting, writing, martial arts, building models, (cars, boats, planes) singing, playing the guitar, piano, working with animals, helping people, making things, flying kites, flying model airplanes... ? There are many things it could be.
I hope it's not computer games. (That should be a reward, a privilege, given when he is done with his responsibilities.) Then, look in the newspaper, phonebook, Home Depot, Lowes, Church, Community Center, Schools, Library and so on, to see if there is a way to do this activity with others.(Ask him to look with you.) In addition to this he could have a teacher to give him lessons. Getting to do something that you've always wanted to do makes life soooo much better. I promise. He could do these things after homework, while he's waiting for you to get home. (If he makes models, you need to do this activity with him, because sniffing the glue can be addictive.)
Then I think he needs a therapist that can teach you about behavior modification. This is a system that allows you to reward him for doing what he should, and to take away privileges when he doesn't do what he's supposed to do. I like this system because it works the way life works. If you do what you're supposed to do at your job-- you get paid. This way he learns to understand that his choices are what makes him successful or not, in life.
Check into behavior modification, it is hard to enforce at first, but it works; mostly because the child learns that his choices determine how happy he will be.
You need the help of a child therapist to guide you through this, but I know it works from experience.
I will pray for you and your family, that you will find just the help you need, and that you will be blessed with the kind of love that heals broken hearts. You are not alone. Love and Peace to you.

Answer 4

You are in real danger of losing your connection here....I have found that it is much easier to guide and disciplin teens when you have a great relationship, and loads of good times to keep both of you communicating. I think if this was my son, i would want him to spend more of his free time with me than with his friends, but this takes work from you, do fun stuff together, and at the same time put your foot down on the friends and activities you can't trust him with yet. This isn't a punishment, just a natural consequence of putting himself in danger. Sounds like he needs to go back a few stages and earn some freedom. You are the best person to build his self esteem, you love him! Tell him every day how great he is, find something he does that is worthy of praise, and know he needs you to restrict this self destructive behaviour, and will probably be relieved deep down. He is a verylucky boy to have such a caring mom!

Answer 5

First of all don't look to others to blame them. It just won't help the matter any. If he claims he needs it he has probably been smoking for a while. Get him in treatment right away! Of course he won't want to go. Don't wait. Don't think that he will quit on his own. He won't. He will hide it from you, he will lie to you, he will get his little brother to join him. Think it's bad with one smoking wait until you have 2 smoking! And smoking pot just leads to other drugs. Get into counseling. There is a group like AA but it is for drug users. Good luck!

Answer 6

you need to get your son into some serious counseling. a 12 yr old should not even know what pot is let alone use it. your or any other parents disciplinary actions for this will not work. you need the help of a professional. the sooner you get him into this the better off he is going to be. if you don't fix this problem now, you are going to have one huge and i mean huge problem on your hands as he gets older. also get him away from anyone who does pot and keep him away from it. even if it means breaking up his friendships. it is time for some tough love here. do not feel bad for doing this. you are saving your childs life by your intervention because that is where most people that end up using pot wind up. in jail, prison, gangs, or dead. i am not saying this to scare you just to stress to you the importance of getting him some help and fast. good luck on this and i really hope this helps you solve this problem.

Answer 7

My sympathies go out to your son. I personally think the best way to punish him is by confiscating his pot and limiting a few of his priviliges for a week or so. This way his life can go on basically as normal and you don't have to feel so bad for punishing him. You could also try taking him to a therapist so he can show/resolve his feelings in a non destructive way.

Answer 8

Thats a hard one! It really sounds to me like it would be a good idea to have your sons medication checked. If his meds aren't doing a good enough job I can see why he would turn to pot, even though that's horrible for a 12 year old to be doing. I'm not sure where you live, but when he gets older he could always took into getting medical marijuana for his mental problems. Then it would be regulated by a doctor, and he wouldn't be looked at like a drug addict or something. Its very important that you take him to the doctor.

Answer 9

I started usin when i was 11 i am now 15 and havent had a joint in 4 months... I no i am just a kid but i think the best thing to do is to not get mad at him and go talk to his doctor about it he will get him help. It is better to do it that way then get in a bunch of **** with the cops. I have gotten help and before i had help i wouldnt talk to anyone about it... When i was 12 all i wanted was somone to talk to...And i would bet that is what your son wants to... Good Luck

Answer 10

If he's going insane when he's punished he is probably having side affects from an addiction. You need to find out exactly how long he had been using drugs. If he constantly uses them you need to seek rehab for him. There are some great centers for kids to recover from drug addictions. Thats what my parents did. I had a marijuana and cocaine addiction at age 15 and my parents found out and they sent me to this rehab place for 2 months. Totally changed my life.

Answer 11

he might be smoking it because of the memories associated with his father, but smoking pot doesn't make you forget the bad things that have happened to you. i'm sure he started because his friends smokes it. honey, he's 12. i know that it kills you to punish the kid, considering what he's been through, but if you don't it's only going to get worse. tell him that he can't hang out with that friend anymore and get the kid some counseling.