Whats the best way to tell my girlfriend she needs to control her son more. ?

Question

Shes a young mom, only 19 her sons 2 (going to be 3 in july) and im 31. (yes im older than her get over it) Weve been dating for a year and a half. Your probablly thinking "hes only 2 he doesnt know better" but thats wrong, hes a VERY smart little boy. Hes so bad though. He wont sleep in his own bed, she lets him curse and talk back to adults, he slaps her and i all the time, he calls me daddy even though weve talked to him pleanty time about it. Hes does whatever he wants and everytime she puts him down he crys !!! I CANT STAND IT ANYMORE i love her to death and i can accept him but he drives me crazy, the worse part is she ENCOURAGES this type of behavior !!! how can i tell her to disipline him without making her mad ?

Answer 1

People should be able to talk freely and open with someone they care about.
If you are AFRAID that she will get mad then what type of relationship do you have? NONE!!!!

Then ask yourself this question… If the relationship progresses then will she allow you to be the child’s father? THE BAD SEED!! Can you imagine being MARRIED to this woman? Can you imagine what the child will be like in 10 years?

If she gets mad at you, Ditch her!!! Really, If you CAN’T tell her that her son is SATAN in disguise then this is no relationship..

He hits her and SHE ENCOURAGES THE CUSSING? RUN do not walk to the nearest exit.

And people wonder why public schools are uncontrollable? I just hope the child gets some kind of discipline somewhere before the taxpayers will have to pay for a jail cell.

PS… BET I don’t get “BEST ANSEWER” for this post!!!

Answer 2

You can't tell her any of that without making her mad... but she's going to have to deal with it. I don't get it... mommies who think the little guy acting like that is cute. It may be cute now, but it sure as he** isn't going to be when he's 7 or 17. She's laying the groundwork for a demanding, disobedient, disrespectful bratty child.
Just some ideas...
Pick up a few parenting books - The Strong Willed Child is a good one. Try reading it with her, or reading it on your own and letting her wonder... then leave it laying around.
Try telling her that you heard... "whatever" is helpful in discouraging a certain behavior... would she be willing to try it?
I'm not sure what your role is there... are you a father figure to him? Are you involved in discipline at all? Is his biological dad involved at all? Maybe just telling her that you're not ok with a certain behavior - (pick a small one) and that while she may think it's cute, you don't, and will not tolerate him acting that way with you. A firm NO goes a long way. If she's encouraging it, he's eating up the attention - don't give it to him.
My husband sat down with my 3yo and had a 'man to man' talk with him... I don't know all the details, but since he wanted to be just like daddy, he really paid attention (as much as a 3yo can) to what was said. Certain behaviors almost disappeared after that talk. Keep it simple - "Hey, that's not cute. BIG boys don't do that, they do this instead".
Best of luck... because an terrible 2 year old quickly turns into a bratty 6 year old, then a monstrous 10 year old... and eventually an impossible teenager.

Answer 3

look I'm a single mom and my kid is sooooo bad hes 2yrs old and does a lot of the stuff you just mentioned and I discipline him I either take his favorite toy away and put him on time out or i wont let him have any treats and sometimes it helps but sometimes it doesn't but the whole calling you dad thing you have to understand that hes not doing it to bother you my son calls my father and my brother in law dad all the time sometimes my friends will come over and he will call them dad too they all take it as a joke now but the thing is that when there isn't a father around they just see all guys as a father figure specially if you're around a lot, no you can try talking to her and tell her what bothers you about her child's behavior and if she loves you she'll understand how you're feeling but that is her child and no matter what he will always come first no even though you love her you just might not be ready for this type of relationship even if you are a little older then her just because you're older it doesn't mean you're ready to be a father or in this case a stepfather.

Answer 4

Dude she might get mad but you have to do it. If you really love her than you need to be honest about what you tink, and if she really loves you she will take it as constructive critizism, not offensively. It wont be easy but just talk to her about it. Also keep in mind that 2 year olds are a huge handful and she's is probably really stressed...its no excuse but it is a reason. Since she's 19 I'm asuming she had him at 17...not the best age to start having kids... I can't really talk because I'm 18 and pregnant, but generally very young mothers don't really know what they're doing! Good luck

Answer 5

I would suggest buying "The Discipline Book" by Dr. William Sears which gives suggestions to NORMAL two year old behavior. (You read it first, then leave it around for your girlfriend to pick up...) I don't know how many two year olds you have known, but asserting their independence is a huge part of this stage. You can talk to him and let him know what is not acceptable behavior and give him a positive alternative, and/or validate what he is feeling. i.e. "I know you are mad about leaving the playground, but it is not okay to hit me and hurt my body. It is sad to have to leave when you don't want to, isn't it." or "I can see you are very upset about not getting that toy, but I don't want you to call me those names. It hurts my feelings and makes me feel bad. You can tell me you are mad, but I don't want you to say those words."

Since you are not "daddy" you have to be more patient. Maybe if you use more positive ways of dealing with him and he responds, your girlfriend will take your lead. But telling her how to raise her son might make her resentful and encourage her to continue how she is dealing with him now.

I know you've said "get over it" but you have chosen to be in a relationship with a very young single mother. So if you want the relationship to work, patience and compassion will work to your benefit. I'm sure she doesn't need one more person to tell her what she is doing "wrong." Good Luck.

Try:
www.askdrsears.com

Answer 6

Children that small only learn what they hear. Where is he learning the curse words? If from you or her, shame on you. He's repeating what he hears. What do you mean she encourages him, why would anyone encourage a little kid to be a brat? Unless they aren't to swift their self. Kids learn by example. When you let a little kid slap you and do nothing, they think its alright. You teach them different at a very early age, because they will be slapping you when their older if you don't teach them that's un-acceptable.
If its driving you crazy now, its going to get worse. He is in his most formative years, so its time for her to start teaching him the proper way to behave. She is not doing him a favor or herself.

Answer 7

Well since it's going on two years of dating, you've known your girlfriend's child his entire life. So I would have to say that you know him almost as well, if not just as much, as his mother does. I'm sure you love him as if he were your own, and he must love you right back if he insists on calling you "Daddy." Therefore, I don't think it would be out of line to ask to step up and assume the role of father in this boy's life. It really sounds like he needs the direction!

What I would do would be to sit down with your girlfriend and tell her how much you love her and her son, and that you think of him as your own. Then ask her how she would feel if you took on more responsibility with him... helping her out with all of his needs, supporting her in discipline issues, and so on.

I think if you put it this way, you will not put her on the defensive. Instead, you will be showing her that you care about them and are committed to them. In return you will receive permission to step in when needed and take control of a discipline situation yourself. Hopefully, she will start to see a positive change in her son's behavior and follow your lead by learning from example. Before you know it, you will both be parenting this child as partners and he will be thriving! I think it will mean positive changes for all of you.

I hope this helps. I wish you luck!

Answer 8

It is out of your hands... not a thing you can do. You can state your opinion but that might cost you that relationship. On the other hand, do you want a relationship where this will be a problem?? As a single mom myself, I will put no man before my kids.. but keep in mind, even though I am a single parent, I did discipline my kids. They did have structure. My kids are polite, sensitive. And you two do have a significant age difference... not too bad.. but... she is still kind of a child herself..... you just have to deal with it and figure it out.

Answer 9

You can't. You're not married to her, you haven't taken responsibility for the child, you can't go around telling her how to parent. If you've been together for 1 1/2 years, you've had quite a while to influence the child's life. Your opinion apparently doesn't matter to her. Unless she agrees that you share equal rights and responsibility as far as raising her child, you have no rights or responsibilities other than ensuring that if the child is abused, the authorities are notified.

Answer 10

Good luck with that one. He is her first and only child. She is probably so afraid of making him hate her or not love her that she is afraid to punish him. There is nothing you can do about this. If you mention it she will be defensive because she will feel like a bad mother which is every mothers worst nightmare. Plus if you only "accept" him and dont love him maybe you are not the right one for her anyway. She and her son are a packaged deal you either love both or need to walk away. He is just testing his boundries this too shall pass. Just remember you are not his parent and it is her job and hers alone to handle this. Good luck!