My son doesn't talk to me about school ,he is only 8?

Question

I have been told that there are boys that are mean to my sonat school excluding him from their group at recess ect... they run from him sometimes and it really upsets me to see this and hear it, when he comes home from school he seems happy but will not tell me how his day is even if I say that I know that they were mean he does not seem to see that they are being mean. The mother of the one boy seems to think that her son is perfect and that my son is always following her son and that is why he runs
away and is mean I can't get it through to my son that he needs to spend time with the other friends that he has How can I tell if it is really hurting him or if it is just hurting me by reminding me of childhood problems, any suggestions to building his self esteem and to help him stay away. This boy has been friends with him since he was born we are friends with the family, or atleast we used to be, we have no use for them anymore the parents don't respect anyone.

Answer 1

Your son may just think very differently than you. I felt the same way about my son. He would not discuss school, or problems or issues. He's now 11 and I find that the things that would bother me if I were him at his age, just roll off his back. Even in that area I see growth from him as he is becoming more in touch with his relations with his peers. Trust me, give him the room he needs (unless you hear or suspect someone harming him) and he will be just fine. Good luck!

Answer 2

I don't want to seem rude, but maybe the boy your son follows is tired of talking to him. I know seems a little mean and it's probobly not your son who is the problem. You said he is 8 so he is still probobly learning right from wrong and trying to comprehend logical situations. Now if you say the parents of the boy your son follows are rude, then that child only takes after the parents, after all, subconciously children usually do what parents do. If your sons school has a Daycare program perhaps you can put him in it so he can make new friends and start letting go of the old ones. And if the problem continues you could always transfer him or try to make him understand the situation a little better. I hope I helped a little and good luck, I hope everything turns out well.

Answer 3

Ok the first thing you need to do is take a step back from the situation and realise that your own anxiety about your problems at school are clouding your ability to judge the situation clearly. You need to develop some objectivity here. For a start 8 year olds aren't going to tell you anything even if you ask and the more anxious you get makes them less likely to want to open up.Pushing him into friendships he doesn't want is damaging. Go with the flow more take your ques from your son he will say if he wants a mate to come to play or can he go to little Johnny's house.Is there another adult your child talks to like an aunt ,uncle, grandparent? Often if you are tense and pouncing on him for info he will clam up with you and talk with someone else. You need to respect that and let who ever it may be know that if he has confided something that they think you need to know you would apreciate them telling you. As for the other friendship that you no longer have use for, well that statement says it all doesn't it. You were using them for your benefit and weren't true friends at all and that is shallow and not a good example to your son. He learns from watching you interact with others also.You seriously could do with some couselling for your anxiety and your issues with your past treatment at school. In doing this you will be helping your son by giving him a less stressed overprotective mom and giving him a more confident ,trusting ,relaxed role model. I know i have been there. Give your son a break and stop interferring with his business at school unless he is in physical danger because you are creating what you fear.

Answer 4

Janice, Here are some thoughts that might help.

1. Many boys don't talk about school. It's not uncommon.

2. Kids running from each other on the playground is all part of growing up and it sounds like your son is coping with it just fine.

3. You don't want to be a "Velcro Mom" and cling too much -- he has to learn how to make his way in the world and figure things out -- the playground is a good start.

4. Go for a walk with him. Lots of times kids will talk during a walk about things they might otherwise not disclose. Try not to pepper him with questions, but you might say things like: "Who do you like playing with the most at school?" If he says "so and so" ask him about "so and so," what he likes to play, what are his favorite toys, etc. You can also let your son know that he can tell you if he ever needs help. Sometimes just giving permission is enough. You don't have to say things like "Tell me if anyone is being mean to you." But you can say, "You can let me know if you ever need help with something at school."

5. The fact that your son comes home happy is a good sign!

6. If you feel it would be helpful, check in with his teacher. Ask how he is doing during the day. You don't necessarily want to say anything about the other boys; just focus on your own kid and the teacher's impressions of how he gets along with others.

Good luck, and God bless!

Answer 5

He might be embarrassed about the way he's being treated at school, and so he doesn't want to share with you. As a parent, you have the right to request a meeting with his teachers, including the adult who supervises him during recess. I would call the school and arrange this if I were you. Here are some things you might want to ask of them:

-Why is this child running from your son? Is your son inadvertantly doing or saying something that causes it?

-Are other children treating your son this way? And if so, is it for the same reasons?

-Have anyone noticed any teasing/taunting/negative behaviors being directed at your child?

-Has your child been bullied by this boy? Or, has your son been seen bullying this boy? Bullying can be defensive sometimes, so don't immediately think that if your son is doing this, he's a bad kid. He could just be scared for some reason.

-Do your son and this boy interact the same way outside of recess (in the classroom, during lunch, etc), or only during recess?

-Has anyone talked to the boys about this behavior? If not, something should be arranged so that the boys can work this out.

-How does your son seem during the day? You mention he seems happy at home, but how would his teachers describe him during school? Is he sad, angry, quiet, nervous...?

-Explain that your concern isn't so much that this particular child should become friends with your son. Your concern is that this will develop into a pattern of behavior in which your son is experiencing daily rejection, lowering his self-esteem, while other children learn through watching that they can ostricize him and continue what is becoming a painful social situation for your child.

Afterwards, talk to your son. If it turns out that your son is, in all honesty, chasing after this boy, then find out why. Help him to accept that this boy does not want to be his friend, and explain that he will feel better if he leaves the boy alone and plays with someone else. Encourage him to play with other friends by talking about it on the way to school or while he's getting ready. Ask him who he wants to play with that day during recess. If he names the boy he's been chasing, try just responding with "No, that boy just always runs around. Who else do you want to play with?" After he thinks of another friend, ask him what they'll play. Having a plan about who he wants to play with and what he wants to play might give him the direction he needs to stop going after the same child and re-enacting the same scenario every day.

Answer 6

I am a kid and I know how things work with school. I've been there for 6 years. If the mean boy has new friends and doesn't want to hang out with him anymore then tell your son that. Kindly explain that you don't want him to hang out with the mean boy because it might screw him up socially. Tell him to take a break and if he still keeps being mean to him then ask the principle to sit down with your son, you, the mean boy and his mom. Explain the issue and have it resolved. If the boy keeps being mean to him then tell your son that he's not worth being friends with and maybe even tell him that her son has some disease or something that you don't want him to catch. Make sure you tell your son not to tell the other boy that.


GOOD LUCK!

Answer 7

the very good remedy to that problem is to stay away from that family. your son has been ridiculed and prejudized without any cause. it can create a severe personality problem when your son grows older. the best way is move from another place if you care for your child and give him the best attention you can so that he will not be longing for his friends. introduce him to other relatives and other family friends in a gradual manner. your child's personality is at stake if you let him be like that always. now, he doesnt talk at all because he was block by his fear and anger and hatred inside his heart. he has this feeling of revenge for sooner impact when he will be old enough, and i am afraid that he might be a problematic person in his life with all the hang ups and the unmet needs. it can cause severe personality fixations that can lead to complex situation. act now while its still earlier than after.

Answer 8

Tell him to ignore the mean kids and encourage him to find a new group of friends. Chances are there are other kids who feel the same way he does.

Why don't you have him invite another child over to the house. Get him involved in other activities so he can meet other children with similar interests.

Answer 9

Problems like this are difficult but I think you have to understand he's also learning how to deal with others. Anything you do is providing an artificial solution which is not one at all. This is his learning process and he'll have to deal with it himself. You made it through childhood with problems and so will he. The best thing you can do for self esteem is to take him to church. Outside of an understanding of his relationship to God, all other esteem is just contrived and fleeting.

Answer 10

maybe he's just happy to be home and be with his mom and forgets all about what happens or doesn't want to remember what happened.

if they don't want to be friends with your son then they aren't good friends.

maybe they are playing a game or it is a joke.

plus he is only 8 and it won't hurt his self esteem. kids just want to play and have fun at that age.