What would you say to a boy/man who insists he has "no relationship" to the mother of his child?

Question

How would you respond to a man in his mid-twenties who insists he has "no relationship" with a girlfriend of a few years who he recently impregnated?

The two broke things off primarily because she would not abort the child.

Do you believe that he ought to feel obligation to such a woman and her child beyond paying child support and a few brief visits per year?

Do you believe he should consider such a woman a part of his family?

What degree of respect, if any, does she deserve despite going against his wishes?

I would like to add that I am asking this as a moral question. I am well aware of the man's legal obligation. I am asking what he should feel morally obligated to do.

NOTE: I am asking about the moral obligation because the woman doesn't want or desire the man's money. The man reports the woman's financial position as notably superior to his own.

Answer 1

Ok. In my opinion, it works like this:

It takes two people to create a child. Sperm and egg. Just because women have the extra responsibility of carrying the child till birth, doesn't make them dirty or dispicable or schemers. They are the carriers of the child. That is the way life works. However, both the man and the woman are responsible for creating the life.

Something interesting you said:

"...and HER child beyond paying child support and a few brief visits per year..."

"Her" child. Wrong attitude. Regardless of what luxuries society has afforded people who want to duck out of being parents, a piece of paper still does not sever the relationship between parent and child. I'm sorry.

And it sounds to me like this young "boy/man" is just that. He's stuck in between stages, he wants to do grown-up things, but is hampered by his own mental and emotional immaturity (I'm not saying that the woman is any more mature). Aborting a fetus doesn't help you grow up. And putting a woman in that position is dispicable; however, not on moral grounds. But grounds of just pure decency. Stepping up to the plate is mature. Asking someone to help you duck out of your responsibility as a father is not. If he wasn't ready for the accidental impregnation of his girlfriend, he needed to a) take care of business himself or b) learn better contraceptive techniques c) abstain.

He needs to be a father to THEIR child. Not just some awkward guy who sends a check and shows up at the doorstep every once in a while. He needs to be a MAN. He's in his twenties, so it's about time.

Answer 2

I wouldn’t respect the man you are dating. Clearly he is not man enough to step up and be responsible for his baby. He cared enough to lay with her and all of a sudden he has no feelings for her that is hard to believe especially if they were dating for a while. You do have to respect the ex-girlfriend because she is going to be the mother of his child but not more than that. He doesn’t have to be loveable with his baby’s mama but civil. You know he might change his mind about her and the baby when the baby is born. Be careful you might get hurt. What will happen if you accidentally get pregnant? Put yourself in the ex’s shoes for a second to see what you would do in her case.

Answer 3

Kind of sounds like both people need to re-evaluate their priorities and stop thinking of themselves and START thinking about the child.

This baby didn't ask for its parents to argue over moral obligations and financial obligations. He/she doesn't understand those things. What this child will understand is the level of attention and love and affection he/she gets from Mom and Dad.

This guy owes nothing to the mother. He owes everything to his child. Should he choose not to be a part of the child's life, then there will be a time when he'll regret it.

The mother owes it to her child to stop thinking of herself and how to "guilt-trip" Dad into something. She chose not to abort the child and now she has to step up to the plate and be a mother; and sometimes that means putting the child first over everything else.

Answer 4

I don't believe a man should FEEL obligated to anything because men don't work the same way women do. If the man doesn't want a baby, we can't force them into it, but we can choose to keep the baby and not have him involved. I don't have any respect for a man that doesn't own up to his responsibility mind you... I think it's disgusting.

Answer 5

first of all if he was really a MAN he wouldt ask somebody that he has been with fo a couple of years to have an abortion its not like she was a random girl and i dont blame her for standing up for the child and he is just a coward and if i was her when the baby was born if she doesnt want or eed his money let him sign over his parental rights and when the baby gets old enough to understand it will be his loss not hers and as far as respect i have the upmost respect for her deciding to keep the child against his wishes

Answer 6

The same thing I would say to a girl/woman who decides to sleep with and birth a child from a 'boy' she had no real relationship with... "It's irresponsible"

Contrary to popular opinion, most boys don't get a rush of joy from a surprise pregnancy. If you can't convince a man to be serious about your relationship and be a good husband, what makes you think you can convince him to be a good father?

Answer 7

Morally all parents should be apart of their child's life. Realistically it just doesn't happen.

I think the "women" *cough*you*cough* need to take his money when he gives it, be happy he at least visits a few times a year and move on with it. If he is this irresponsible you probably don't want him in your child's life anyway.

Answer 8

He made it, so now he has to pay for it.

He should be respectful to her and to the child, but he doesn't have to like her to have a relationship with the baby. The important thing he needs to remember is that he can't say negative things about her or her family to or around the child. Those things are hurtful.

If he wants nothing to do with them, that's his decision. But the courts say he played, so he still has to pay.

Answer 9

he has NO obligation to the woman
he does have a obligation to the child

The woman is NOT part of his family
the child IS

She gets NO respect in my opinion
any gal can trap a guy with getting pregnant




why are you trying to force a relationship with this guy when its painfully obvious he wants nothing to do with you

Answer 10

lets just put it this way... that child's world is going to revolve around his or her mother, especially if you stated that they don't want to be together. the least he could do for the baby's sake is be civil to the mother.