I cheated on my boyfriend during an adventurous stage in my life (I'm 22).?

Question

We were having problems that at the time I felt justified the infidelity. So I had an affair with this guy who's liked me for a very long time. The problem was that I just saw our thing as a 1-night stand, but the guy fell in love with me and wanted me to break up with my bf. I told him that wouldn't happen, and that if he couldn't just enjoy the affair while it lasted, then we shouldn't have an affair at all. He said he accepted, so we proceeded. I eventually cut him off bc he has a big mouth, and I felt betrayed that after he claimed to love me he was talking about me behind my back. Finally it got through my little brain how bad cheating is, and I have regretted it dearly. I've left it in the past, but unfortunately the guy hasn't. And he tells everyone in school how much I hurt him. I'm so scared that my bf finds out after things have improved so much. I love him so much, but I'm afraid my enlightenment came a little too late. IF he finds out, should I deny it? The guy has no proof

Answer 1

eh Deny, make sure there is nothing linking you to him, no call records, ticket stubbs etc and then deny it.

Answer 2

While the monogamous relationship is certainly something you would benefit from and should strive for, you must realize that you are a creature of evolving awareness and intelligence; you will make mistakes and you will learn from them. The results of your actions have clearly demonstrated that deception and infidelity results in negative consequences. Following up such behavior with additional lies will only result in similar (undesirable) consequences.

Mating is an innate propensity, while the monogamous relationship is its evolutionary social repercussion. You do not (and will you never) have such an “impulse” for monogamy as you do for intercourse. Your body informs you of its desires, but ultimately you are the decision maker in how these desires will be satisfied.

By “cheating”, you have initiated an action that carries with it a chain of events into the present and future. This has resulted in hurt for yourself, hurt for your friend, and hurt for your boyfriend. There is only one way to break the momentum of such an action.

My advice to you is to come clean to with everyone involved. Tell each and every person the truth, regardless of the consequences. You may lose a friend, you may lose a boyfriend. But in the end, you will begin to affect the sort of change that will bring about desirable consequences you are hoping for. This is true, whether the benefit realizes itself in your present relationship, or some future relationship.

I can not (nor can anyone) predict exactly what will happen. But the quick answers you will read here that advocate a cover up are coming from people who are only looking to the *present* for a solution. Sure, covering it up might seem like a good idea *right now*, but you must put your ego aside for a moment and really consider what you want from life.

Think ahead 30 years, when you are 50. Will you look back on this and say, “Gee, I’m really glad I covered up that 1 night stand!” Or would you rather look back and say, “I was young, I made a mistake, but in the end, I ultimately did the right thing.”

You are trying to find your way through complex life circumstances. Mistakes happen. Lessons are learned. Do not be ashamed of your actions, but don’t perpetuate the deception. If you have learned from this experience, your next relationship will start of on a stronger footing because you will be more likely to make decisions that result in consequences that are more desirable for you.

I say be honest, accept your consequences, and move forward. If you spend all of your energy covering up the past, you will never advance in life!

Answer 3

I have had quite a bit of experience with the infidelity chain. I started the relationship that I am currently in by cheating on someone. I was engaged to be married and he was married. I cheated on him after his divorce. I told him and he was ok after I promised not to do it anymore. Then about a year later, he told me that he cheated on me twice. I worked through it and forgave him. We now have two children (I am 23.) Last February I left him because he started drinking again. (That is a whole other story.) After I found out that I was pregnant with our second child, I went back to him. While we were apart I had a one night thing with a guy that used to work at the same place I did. Right before Christmas, he told me that he cheated on me for the last three months of my pregnancy and I told him about what I did when we were apart. Anyway, the point is that you can work through anything. I have forgiven him for his infidelity and he has me, too; however, trust is still an issue with us. But, if he is willing to understand what you did and why, maybe you can work through it, too. Rob and I have been together for 5 years now. Good Luck. I hope that everything works out for the best. If you should decide to deny it. JUST STICK TO YOUR STORY. Either way.

Answer 4

Sorry to hear a 1-nite stand ended up a 'mess' 4 u. It is better not to admit to ur bf even if he finds out because it will be a black mark in his brain and he may not forgive u. Let it be a secret. Probably he has one too and he has not told u either. More importantly, both of u r sincere with each other now and move on to a true and long term relationship. If u feels that u hv cheated him, then u needed to put in a lot more efforts to assure him that u love him and nobody would comes between him and u anymore.

Answer 5

2 things how would you feel if the shoe were on the other foot the old saying you made your bed it is time to sleep in it applies, tell your boyfriend but explain that you are sorry and that you did it because you felt as if something was missing and that you realise now that you had a good thing. If the relationship was perfect no other man could ever pull you away from your bf in the first place, Good luck what is meant to be will be, been there and survived!!!!

Answer 6

It is impossible to live a really strong life when you are hiding from the truth. You sound young, and this mistake was bound to happen, so learn from it. You would be protecting yourself with another lie, and that wont help either of you developement any kind of decent respect for one another. Its is hard to love someone that you think less of becuase he is in the dark. Do not make the one you really love ignorant by telling him more lies. And you wont bring it all to the table for the real love to develope. If you are good you will tell the truth. If you love him best for all of yourself then tell him so. Let the truth be the only factor in the outcome. This is for both of you. You will see what kind of person he is when he is confronted with your character, and you will show it when you deal with this issue honestly. You my lose him or you may continue to recieve his love, it depends on the depth of his soul. Be strong.

Answer 7

Whatever risks this has to your relationship...you owe it to your current b/f to be honest...it won't be easy but if you love him you owe it to him...no-one has the right to remove from another the freedom of choice & by keeping quiet that's exactly what you're doing.
Be carefull you don't add insult to injury by removing his right of choice in doing as he feels to be right once armed with this knowledge.

Yes things between you may have improved but you're basing your future on a lie...if he ever finds out this will do him in more than if you at least had the guts to come clean...explain to him how you felt then & how you feel now...before it's too late...everything done in the dark [secrets] always come to the light sooner or later....
Good luck. ♥

Answer 8

I believe she loves her boyfriend. I think if you want to have a relationship that is based on honesty and you want spend time with this guy for awhile, come out with it. Especially before he finds out from someone else. It may hurt him, but you don't relationship where you have hide things. I know you would want the same from him.

Answer 9

i think that even though there will be arguments afterwards and a very rough relationship but after a while he will realize that u actually were honest about it and told him the truth.If u deny it, it will just haunt u and then if he finds out in the future it will make every thing worse.

Answer 10

no way!! that would be the worst thing that you could do because a lie always back at you somehow, it's happened to me countless times, I've to somebody about something and it got back around to them through someone else. me and my ex fought like dogs and broke up over and over again but we couldn't ever cheat on each other, just try and talk to him if you really love him.

Answer 11

Hmmm.... no its much better for you to just hide the fact that you cheated. Keep him in the dark. Plus the other guy did you wrong by falling in love. You go girl