when i ask him to take the trash out he won't do that either. We have got into many arguements over this. I am tired of it, I do everything for him. What should i do people? I especially want to hear from the men.
2007-01-31 10:47:09 · 46 answers · asked by hotpants2000_22 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
stop doing so much for him, see what happens. we men tend to get used to things being a certain way. don't argue, it's a waste of energy. he may have become too comfortable in the relationship, it sounds as if he might be stuck in a routine, and though it is not your fault , you may be encouraging the routineness. also we men (in general) are more into action than words or concepts(did i really say that? LOL) so if you begin to do some things differently, in response his behavior could change, if he doesn't like the changes stand beside your choices, put your foot down, tell him you need to change this or that for yourself, because you are feeling drained and frustrated. he needs to carry his side of the relationship, and he can, if he wants to.
GL, :)
2007-01-31 11:02:37 · answer #1 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the most effective way for a woman to reach a man is thru actions. If I were you, I would figure out ways to not have dinner at home when you normally do. Take a yoga class at that time, or a class of some sort. eat out a little more or grab something on the run. he will miss all you have given him, believe me. but don't verbalize that you are doing it...make it seem like an "oh, yeah" moment is he mentions "but what about dinner?" I think if you pull the plug on it that way so to speak he will miss his nightly meals very much and start to think what he could do to get you to cook again. and besides, working out or learning something new is better than sitting around eating dinner. I think the typical "dump him" line is just the easiest thing people throw out on this site because it takes little to type and they have ADD and don't want ot think too deeply. good luck. dump him over bigger things imo
2007-01-31 10:58:55 · answer #2 · answered by keepingitgoing 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry for you, because he's simply using you to his advantage and leaving all of the 'clean-up' to you. PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN or this will go on (and even get worse) forever. Tell him that he has a choice ... help with the dishes and the trash, and pay for at least half of every meal you cook for him, or you'll 'DUMP HIM' like yesterday's garbage and find someone much better.
I'm married, and I don't work, and my husband works, comes home and cooks our dinner, and he also does the dishes and takes out the trash. I used to cook for us, but he decided after I had my first heart attack to take over all of the 'cooking and cleanup after' and I am SO GLAD ... because when I do cook for him (about 3 times in a month) I can cook really 'special' food I know that he loves but doesn't know how to cook, and he really appreciates that ... so he does the dishes and takes out the trash to show me how much he loves me.
2007-01-31 10:57:35 · answer #3 · answered by Kris L 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ask yourself if you ever gave him the message that he is more valuable than you are maybe by words or actions. If so then politely let him know you are a person not a slave and that you will no longer do your part and his too. If this person does not take responsibility seriously or is not even polite then do you think they will be a working partner in a relationship or marrige if not then you better decide how far you are willing to go before you put on the brakes sounds like they are lazy or don't care. Even if they are just too inside themself where does that leave you but all the work and no perks. hello there ain't no ton of bricks to fall on your head to wake you up but sounds like you are feeling the pressure release the pressure valve and move on. lol ronniea
2007-01-31 10:56:42 · answer #4 · answered by ronniea 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you already know the answer to your question. He's the "trash" and you need to get rid of the "trash". If you've fought over this many times.....why waste your breath, time and energy on him. He obviously is letting you know that he feels you are his "maid"..he tunes you out when you complain to him ...and nothing changes. YOU need to make the Change* DO Not cook for him anymore and since you've already had this convo with him ....tell him Do Not Come over anymore you're done with him! When he asks why* then you can say "If you have to ask...then you don't know me at all". He has no Respect for you and doesn't care what comes out of your mouth as he knows you'll argue with him, vent out about how you're fed up with cooking, cleaning etc and he does nothing... he Thinks since you havn't done anything up to this point about following through on what you're saying' about HOW YOU"RE FED UP"...to him as he's not listening to you when you speak..(he's like a child) It IS Just WORDS* to him......ACTION speaks Volumes* So kick his sorry lazy trash butt out and move on girl * You're worth more than that* Someone who will Respect Who You Are and What you're asking.
GOODLUCK*~
2007-01-31 10:56:08 · answer #5 · answered by friskymisty01 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not helping you with these simple tasks is a sure sign that this guy doesn't respect or value you! If you have already tried explaining to him how it makes you feel, then your only other choice is to change your reaction to it. In my experience, you can't fix another person - you can only change yourself. If you are unwilling to be his maid, then you should either stop preparing meals for him, stop inviting him, insist HE prepare the food and YOU take out the trash and do the dishes, or simply stop dating the guy.
2007-01-31 10:54:29 · answer #6 · answered by Vara 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Get rid of his lazy fanny and find someone who will share the responsibilities. This isnt the 50's when the ladies waited hand and foot on the men. This is the millenium when the ladies carry jobs and take care of most every responsibility there is. Its not to much to ask that he do these things and more.
Ditch the loser if he isnt willing to help out. You will continue to get more and more resentful if you dont do something about it now. It only makes it worse.
Good luck.
2007-01-31 10:53:30 · answer #7 · answered by Truth Teller 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like a lazy guy or a user. It may be time to move up the food chain. Why settle for someone who doesn't seem to see your relationship as a partnership but rather 'it's about ME!' thing. Somethings require more than just showing up. This is one of them. (I have a feeling this isn't the only area in your relationship where you're carrying the bulk of responsibility). You can do better!!!
2007-01-31 10:55:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Stop doing things for him. Perhaps not have dinner ready when he comes over. The more you do for him the more he will expect you to do. If this continues, dump him. You certainly would not ever want to marry someone like him. If he is rude and lazy now it will just get worse over time.
2007-01-31 10:53:07 · answer #9 · answered by Santa's Elf 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm not a man, seriously. But take it from someone with experience with that sort of situation. When you not only cook for him but your are dumping the garbage too, it's too much. If he's letting you dump the garbage then i say dump his lazy *** too. If he won't do it now when he has to impress you, then he really won't do it when you are married, if that's where you want to head of course!
2007-01-31 10:54:53 · answer #10 · answered by **brainy licious**J;-D 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋