How do you convince someone to help him or herself?

Question

If someone has repeatedly talked about and threatened suicide over a short period of time (a few months) and it seems all the resources are exhausted -- to the point of being under constant supervision for a few days and talking to a psychologist -- how can an outsider prevent the act? He refuses further counseling and attempts to use the threat for bargaining (if you do x, I will or won't,etc) or as retribution (you have done x, therefore I will). He has also stated that he "doesn't wish to be happy" and refuses any help or assistance offered.
It has become an act of futility to try to reason with this individual yet every conversation is increasingly more dark and macabre. It has reached the point where I may receive 6 or 7 phone calls a day and as he has shut almost everyone else out, I feel guilty in that I am exhausted. I have hit a dead end and have run out of options (that's why I'm bringing it up here - desperation).

Answer 1

Although I agree with the opinions of most of these answers. I would like to add if this person is of harm to themselves, they are a prime candidate for a stress clinic where they can be safely monitored and helped with meds to overcome whatever condition may be causing the suicidal tendencies.

You did not mention a mental disability. Has this person ever been diagnosed with Manic Depression or Bi-Polar Disorder?.. Just curious.

Answer 2

He has to reach the decision that he needs help, no one can make him want help. Have you tried an intervention? Try getting together with him and a couple of close loved ones. Have each person talk about how much he means to them, and how is current outlook is effecting them. Most people that act this way don't realize the stress and depression that they are putting their loved ones through.
Another look on it is he is realizing the attention he is getting from being in this state. It is sad, but some people use threats of suicide, and saying they don't want to be happy for attention.
If he is as bad as you say though, I am surprised the doctor that he has been talking to hasn't had him committed. If you are committed by a doctor, the patient can't walk out at anytime. Plus, then they are under constant supervision.

Answer 3

Nicolle I think you are being played by a manipulative personality here. It's also difficult to see what relationship this person is to you.

If he refuses to have counseling then the other option is to remove yourself from contact if that is possible. Wait for the attempt, and i feel that is all it will be an attempt. The he can be legally committed for psychiatric care once he gets taken to hospital.
In many cases voicing intentions of suicide are cries for help, even though they refuse help. Ambiguity is all part of the symptoms of depression and suicide.

Even the short time you refer to indicates this behavior as being attention seeking , rather than a real threat ( although one should never rule out the possibility, if it happens it is 90% accidental)
The emotive statements "I don't want to be happy" are the types of statements of transference.. I want everyone to worry about this and be unhappy like me" so give me attention

You could be firm with him /her and say look I have had enough and i think if you are not going to seek help from a professional there is nothing i can do, so please there's little point in ringing me to make threats.
Most suicides eventually make a statement bu taking just enough drug to cause a problem but often alert someone so they can be saved. That is your saving Grace in this situation he can then be properly cared for under an admission. until then the law and Psychiatric admissions are powerless to act.

Answer 4

Try not to be such a hostage. This person is turning your own good will and nature against you. If there were a real suicide threat, then you would have to take it seriously, but who can say what is real and what is not with this person? Is your friend on some kind of medication that is not working? Or should he be on some kind of medication? Can you write a letter to the psychologist describing what is going on and asking for advice? (if you don't know the name send it to the facility where he was voluntarily committed for a few days).
Other than that, I would act colder and more distant when he started to threaten suicide. You don't want to encourage that. The psychologist might even advise you to hang up on your friend. I don't know.
I'm sorry you're going through this. It doesn't sound like you did anything to deserve this crapola.

Answer 5

From what you have explained it is just a threat. It sounds as if he is just trying to manipulate you. One thing you need to do is let him know that if he refuses counseling you can do nothing. Every time he says he is going to commit suicide, hang up or walk away. When someone says continuiosly they are going to ki.. themselves they are mainly wanting attention. If they can say it to a friend or family member, normally they will not do it. When a person is suicidal they usually say it once, then go into complete depression and can not face the world. They keep themselves locked in complete silence and don't want to do ANYTHING! Try telling him you can't do anything if he keeps refusing help and see where he goes from there. Don't put yourself through his stress.

Answer 6

I'm going to reveal something very personal. I hope it does some good. When I was 20 years old I took 40 sleeping pills with beer. It didn't work. I seriously wanted to die because I had been abused as a child by my father who was a Methodist pastor. When I was a teenager he used to make sexual insinuations about me. I've always been extremely quiet and shy, so you can imagine the mental and emotional stress I had to put up with when I was a teenager. That's on top of all the physical abuse I had to experience as a younger kid. I thought that since I had been raised this way, that I would be the same type of person as my dad. I'd rather be dead.

When I was 9 years old, I discovered the music of Richard Clayderman. There was something very emotional about the music that just got my attention. We had a piano in the house and I gradually learned Clayderman ballads on the piano mostly by ear.

When I was 12 a friend of my father took me to a book store and said, "Alvaro, choose whatever book you want and I'll buy it for you." I saw a book called "Arnold, The Education Of A Bodybuilder" with Arnold Schwarzenegger's picture on the cover flexing a very large bicep." My eyes popped wide open and I was introduced to bodybuilding." I chose this book.

I'm 35 years old now and I'm a soldier in the United States Army. I'm a very proud man. I'm a bodybuilder and I'm presently teaching a younger friend how to build muscle. I own 3 piano keyboards, I have a large repertoire of Richard Clayderman music and a few classics. I am also a Christian. I have a friend in New Jersey who's a pastor. He takes Bible verses, makes little songs from them and sends recordings to me. I take these songs and make piano and orchestral arrangements on one of my keyboards. I became a Christian when I was 14 years old. I try to live a clean and decent life and try to be a good example to other soldiers.

Big difference from age 20 to age 35. How? I believe God has something to do with it. He knows everything. He knows the solution to all of our problems. I also believe that having a few heroes did me a lot of good. People who know me well know that my 2 heroes are Richard Clayderman and Arnold Schwarzenegger. I'm still very shy. But I'm happy. I don't have time to get depressed. I'm too busy. I read alot too. I know my weaknesses and I don't ignore them. I own hundreds of books on physical fitness, Christianity, music(especially classical), biographies and more. Does this individual you speak about have any skills that set him apart from others? This person probably feels that nobody cares about him. I remember that's how I felt. Please don't give up on this person. Don't quit. You may be his only hope.

Answer 7

I've been in a similiar position. You have done the best you can.
How does the saying go, "you can take an animal to water, but you can't make them drink".
Try both things.
1)Next time they threaten, call 911. Once the law gets involved, this person may be forced to get help.
2) Call United Way Hot line and ask how you can help yourself.

You need to take care of you now. This person knows in their heart that they are exhausting you and if they wanted to die, they'd be gone. They are squeezing all your energy.

Answer 8

Schizophrenia generally occurs during teen years and older, so it is probably not that. How can you possibly think it might be something as serious as that and NOT tell her parents? The sooner they know there is a problem of any kind, the sooner it can be explored. Very young children often do not understand the difference between reality and fantasy. She may be making this up totally but have no clue that she is doing that (kind of hard to explain, but it is a developmental thing). I don't think you should be too concerned at all, but I think you are obligated to inform her parents. Tell it to them as a cute, funny story.

Answer 9

Well if they don't want help then it's gonna be hard to get them to get any help. Just try talking calmly about the problem and what you think they should do. Also, if you are truely worried then i guess you can call a psychologist and get some ideas about what you can do. Just try to surrond the person with positive influences and maybe they will start wanting help.

Answer 10

When you reach your limit, it's time to stop and worry about yourself. In this case, you can no longer help a person who doesn't want help. Let it go.

People who talk of suicide are selfish people. I, for one, do not pity them or selfishness. There are too many other issues to be concerned about and too many other people to help who WANT help. These people are worth my time. Not a person who threatens suicide when they don't get their way. Let it go, they will be better off dead.

BTW, don't buy into that "guilt" crap. Guilt is associated with doing something wrong. You did NOTHING wrong.