A Blonde Year...
January:Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February:Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels... Hello!!!...bottles won't fit in printer !!!
March:Got really excited...finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months...box said "2-4 years!"
April:Trapped on escalator for hours... power went out!!!
May:Tried to make Kool-Aid...wrong instructions...8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June:Tried to go water skiing...couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July:Lost breast stroke swimming competition...learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August:Got locked out of my car in rain storm...car swamped because soft-top was open.
September:The capital of California is "C"...isn't it???
October:Hate M & M's...they are so hard to peel.
November:Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days... instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!
December:Couldn't call 911... I don't have an 11 key :(
2007-01-31 09:19:39 · 23 answers · asked by IceyFlame 4 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Can anyone else add on to them?? hehe
2007-01-31 09:20:48 · update #1
Racist?? lmao Good one!!
2007-01-31 09:29:50 · update #2
To the one who said he's heard all my jokes I HAVE NEVER POSTED A QUESTION ON JOKES BEFORE!!! lol check it out for yourself if you don't believe me. People please know what you're talking about before you speak, please... lol
2007-01-31 09:33:05 · update #3
Funny and i got one
OK so this Blondie walks into a barber shop to get a hair cut and has head phones on. She sits down in the chair and he asks her to take the head phones off. She says she can't so he cuts around them. She comes back the next day cause she doesn't like her hair and she is still wearing the head phones. he tells her to take them off but she says she can't. So he cuts around them again. she comes back a third day still not happy and still wearing head phones. he tells her to take them off she says she can't. Then he takes them off her and fixes her hair and it looks good. But them he finds that she is dead. So he picks up the head phones and listens. . ."Breath in. . .Breath out. . ."
2007-01-31 10:21:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Here is a really good one...three people were traped in a vampires layer, One a blonde, one a red head and one a brunette.The only way out was to climb 100 stairs and at each step a really good joke, So the brunette went first, climbed to the 47 stair and burst out laughing. Than the red head went, climbed to the 76 stair and burst out laughing, then the blonde went, climbed to the 99 stair and burst out laughing. Later the brunette and the red head said to the blonde,"why did you laugh, you only had one more step!" The blonde says," I finally got the first joke!"
2007-01-31 11:42:41 · answer #2 · answered by NATHU_97 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
So a blonde's house catches on fire and she manages to call 911.
The fireman on the other end of the line says "Ok maam, just calm down and tell us how to get there". The blonde says "well...don't you just come in those Big Red Trucks?"
2007-01-31 09:35:38 · answer #3 · answered by themerchantprincess 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
August-bottled water for power outage during hurricane. The power may be out for days. Thank goodness I bottled hot water so I can take a bath!
2007-01-31 09:28:31 · answer #4 · answered by Mrs. T 4 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Janurary: A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?
"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."
2007-01-31 09:33:22 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
what is a blondes definition of safe sex.....with the car doors locked
what does a blonde do when she wakes up......introduces herself and walks home
how do you keep a blonde entertained for hours... write TURN OVER on a piece of paper on both sides
how do you confuse a blonde ......put her in a round room and tell her to pee in the corner
thats all i got 4 now
2007-01-31 09:27:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
January: got a job proofreading M&Ms at the factory
February: got fired for throwing out all the 'W's
2007-01-31 09:23:02 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 1⤋
Blonde jokes:
A blonde keeps walking down her drive to her mail box.
She keeps doing this until her neighbour asks her why she is doing that.
The blonde replies "My computer keeps telling me that i've got mail".
~~~~~
I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......
* she called me to get my phone number.
* she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."
* she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
*she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
*she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
*she tried to drown a fish.
*she thought a quarterback was a refund.
*she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
*she tripped over a cordless phone.
*she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
*she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
*she studied for a blood test.
*she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
*when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
*when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
*when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home
~~~~
Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.
Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said "2 to 4 years"
Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button.
When asked what the capital of California was; answered "C".
Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125.
After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms.
~~~~
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."
~~~~
Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City. The Brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus. The Blonde team rides on the top level.
The Brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time, when one of them realises she doesn't hear anything from the Blondes upstairs.
She decides to go up and investigate. When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight-ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.
She says, "What the heck's goin' on up here? We're havin' a grand time downstairs!" One of the Blondes looks up and says, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"
~~~~
Did you hear about the blonde who took a book out of the library called How to Hug, only to discover that it was volume seven of the encyclopedia?
~~~~
blonde walks into a restaurant to get some lunch, and while she's deciding on what she wants a waitress comes up.
The blonde looks up and notices the waitress's name tag on her shirt.
"Gee, that's nice. What did you name the other one?"
~~~
Two blondes suddenly got into bird hunting and were eager to try it out for themselves.
They had read that a birddog is a great and useful accessory in bird hunting, so they decided to go to the pet shop and buy one. They asked for a well-trained birddog, and got one.
The two blondes immediately went to the woods to try it out. The dog didn't work. No matter how hard they tried, it just didn't follow their commands.
They became really frustrated and one of the blondes said to her companion, �Okay, we'll give him one more try.
We'll throw him in the air one more time and if he doesn't fly, we're taking him back to the store!�
2007-01-31 09:23:35 · answer #8 · answered by kim 4 · 6⤊ 2⤋
lol. i have one.
santa, the easter bunny, a smart blonde, and a dumb blonde were walking down the street. there was a 100 dollar bill on the ground. who picked it up?
the dumb blonde because the rest don't exist.
2007-01-31 09:25:48 · answer #9 · answered by ch3rryontop2000 2 · 5⤊ 1⤋
These are great blonde jokes! Keep em coming!
2007-01-31 11:55:26 · answer #10 · answered by Mom in the Circle 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋