Why do I cheat and how do I stop? Please this is serious..?

Question

I've been with my bf for 8yrs and I love him so much. I couldn't see anyone else in my life. I want to make him happy and I devote myself to pleasing him.

Yet for some reason, when I meet another man who's warm to me and I become friends with him. I end up cheating with him. It's like I want to make that man happy too. Be the one that can do that. But I love only my bf. It kills me that I do this and I'm seriously tring to stop....what can I do to fix me? What the hell is wrong with me!?! PLease it will destroy the only thing that makes me happy....that will kill me.

I don't like sex. It actually hurts most of the time. I've had surgery down there because of losing my bf's child, four times. I'm 24yrs old, so that did a number on me. But this has nothing to do with sex and I just wanted to make that clear.

Answer 1

I apologize for the rude answers you've received.
Often people seek other partners because they feel that something is lacking in their primary relationship - affection, respect, attention, sexual satisfaction, etc. Other people can't be satisfied with one person - it may be true that some people just aren't monogamous and can't fit into that expectation. Other people fall into the category of sex addicts (although I'm not really sure this category exists).

The ideal lover may be different than the ideal mate. This is true for many people, which explains why people are highly aroused by one type but find that same type inadequate when it comes to sharing the bills and raising children. You have some serious soul searching to do, and you may need to see a therapist. Good luck!

Answer 2

I know a lot of people are going to say you're a whore and you don't really love this great guy. But you two have been together for 8 years. Eight years! You two love each other. Look at you: "I love him so much." "I couldn't see anyone else in my life." "Please, it will destroy the only thing that makes me happy." It's obvious. So, ignore all those other people who say that you don't really love him...that your a dirty whore. Because your not...your boyfriend recognizes that and loves you for it.

So, you have a problem. And the good thing is...you recognize it as a problem. You realize that you need to fix something. You are on the right track.

I don't really know how to help you. Maybe just keep yourself from being tempted. Stay away from other men unless your man is right by your side. I just wanted to reassure you. And do not...DO NOT, break up because you have a problem to fix...think about him.

He loves you, you love him. I don't know what you should do, but I wanted to help you somehow.

Answer 3

Guess what? The only person who makes you do these things is you. It isn't out of your control; it isn't "the way you are"; you simply have no self-control, no discipline, and that's your own fault.

So how do you stop? You just do. "It" will not destroy the only thing that makes you happy -- YOU will. It's you, you, you. All you have to do to stop is NOT DO IT.

Oh, and you're not just "want[ing] to make that man happy too" -- that's a cop-out. You want to make YOURSELF happy. Stop blaming "it" and "another man" -- these are your decisions, and your fault.

Take responsibility for your actions, and perhaps you'll start avoiding actions that destroy your life.

One more thing: are you looking to find some magic bullet that will make you stop being attracted to other men? Doesn't exist. Period. And guess what? Your boyfriend is attracted to other women! Being in a relationship doesn't turn off those feelings. That's why couples who are committed stay together...because they suppress and ignore those feelings out of respect and love for their partner. You, on the other hand, keep right on acting on those feelings, then say "Oh no, how did this happen?"

I think you get the point.

Answer 4

Sounds like you need counseling, and may wish to consider it.

No one can really tell you if there is just something with in you that is self sabotaging or if there is something in you that needs to please others to the point that you risk yourself, or if there are other reasons why this is happening.

Since you love the man you with, try two things stop putting yourself in situations where you would have the opportunity to cheat, and get counselling.

Or really look at your relationship maybe you don't love him as much as you think and this is your way of telling yourself that.

Some times people hold onto stable relationships for a variety of reasons and love isn't one of them.

Answer 5

Okay seriously...that is a major problem, especially since you've been with this guy for 8 years. What you need to do is figure out why you cheat. Yeah you may have a weakness for guys that are nice to you, BUT that isn't a reason to cheat when you've got a great guy. Is there something going on with you and your guy that isn't working?? Ask yourself that. If there is, then you two need to fix it somehow and if not, then you got to be straight with this guy and figure out what you really want. Cheating isn't a good thing to do. You don't want to hurt the guy you supposedly love so much...

Answer 6

Avoid scenarios or temptations that you will easily fall in. Ways to do this? Its totally upto you to make decisive action.

Its very hard to believe that you love your bf while you are cheating. Anybody who will hear that will say the same thing. Just browse the answers to your question. You have to to be determined to stop your bad ways. First and foremost, you just think, that not cheating with your bf is the right and proper thing to do. By doing the right thing, you will build your strength, determination to succeed and most of all, your REPUTATION.

All the best.

Answer 7

Pray on this honey!
If you truly love this man then you have to make sacrifices to be with him. You already know you have a problem being faithful, so until you trust yourself more, you shouldn't have male friends. Keep yourself busy with other hobbies or female friends, because it's not easy to be faithful when you're hanging out with a hot, available guy.
Let him know how important a man's attention is to you, so that he'll spend more time with you, but when he can't, that doesn't mean you should hang out with another guy.
Put yourself in his shoes! How would you feel if you found out he was having sex with another beautiful girl!

Answer 8

Well first of all, you don't love him. If you did you wouldn't be cheating on him. You're sabotaging you're relationship with him because you're afraid. You're selfish. You want him because he makes you happy, but you're just dragging him down along with you and making giving all us faithful women a bad reputation. You need Jesus because honestly he is the only one that can change you. Go to church, do something with your life. You shouldn't even be putting yourself in the situation where you can cheat. Don't allow yourself to be around any other man besides your bf. Don't flirt don't talk to them. You need to be single, hopefully he does break up with you because as long as your actions have no consequences you'll keep thinking you can get away with it. If you love someone than you would want to see them happy, cheating on him is making him unhappy and you still do it. He'll be happier with someone who really loves him, even if he's not with you, you should want to see him happy. The fact that you're cheating on him and trampling his feelings and you don't even care, don't say you do, because you don't. The fact that you continue to do it is proof of this. It's sad and I feel very sorry for him. You need to pray. Read the bible. You need him! If you ever need to talk, talk to your bf or to me, cause I'll give you the truth no matter what. May God have mercy on you. Good luck hon.
P.S. You said that it's not about sex, than that means that you shouldn't be sleeping with these men. If you are, then say what you want then it is about that. You need help. Psycologically. I'm sorry but you do, and you keep on doing it. You're making excuses for something that is all your fault, the only person to blame is yourself.

Answer 9

Don't put yourself in the postion to cheat! If you know guys will be there don't go alone.Take a girlfriend,sister etc. Someone you know will report back to your bf.If you have a man that good sister you are asking for a world of hurt when he finds out.What would you do if you found out he was doing this to you?Have you thought about the word DISEASE? Stop what you are doing .

Answer 10

All you have to do is make up your mind not to cheat. If you continue down this road, he will find out and you won't be together anymore. You are in control of what you do. You might just need to seek help from a professional. That's not me being mean, just honest. I couldn't tell you why you do this. You may be addicted and not to the sex but, to the attention that you get from the other men.