How to tell my wife she needs to change her habits??

Question

I am married for almost 3 years now. Eversince I have been married to her the house is always a mess and the more I tell her the more she thinks that I am not being fair with her. She tells me that the chores do not get done because she is not the only one that makes the mess in the house. I told her that if that is the case then why doesn't she get a job and pay me half of the rent since i am not the only one living here in the house. If that is how is going to be then we need to go half and half on everything in our marriage..Am I being too unfair with her or after working 12 hours daily I am to come home and cook and do chores myself?

Answer 1

I don't think it's being unfair to ask for help. Marriage is a partnership. You work together and you make messes together. If it's your wife's choice to stay home, then there is work she can do there too. It's not just cleaning up after someone, it's keeping your environment healthy and doing what you can to help out in the marriage.

Have you thought about picking one day of the week where you both work on chores for the day? Maybe when your done you can treat yourselves to a night out. Or what about taking turns on cooking meals? If your tired and it's your time to cook, order in or go out.

Sharing responsibilities is the key. Talking and working out a compromise, makes all the difference in the world too. I know the more you complain about the job your wife does (or doesn't do) the worse the situation is going to get. I'm sure you wouldn't want your wife to tell you how to do your job and what you could do to make it better.

So maybe the approach of asking for help might be received better? I think acknowledging that yes, you do make messes too, and here is how I can help (example of one day a week) would make a difference for your wife too.

Good luck and I hope you both are able to work this out.

Answer 2

It's a tough one. Take over the grocery shopping and cooking the meals. Make sure there's no junk in the house. Announce that you and she are going to the gym, not an option. (She wont like it at first but she'll get tired of fighting about it and will go.) Figure out rewards. If she doesn't resort to eating junk during the week you two will go out for a treat on the weekend. Give her a goal to work toward. Something like if she can get back into a size 8 and stay there for a year you will take her on a lovely vacation. (Once she gets back to a size 8 she probably won't go back to her current behavior.) Don't put a tight time limit on this. Give her some time (like a year) to get to the goal but don't stop reminding/encouraging her. If she does really well but totally hits a wall and can't quite make size 8 be understanding. It's harder for women to lose weight once they gain it. Don't be stingy. If she fights the good fight take her on the holiday anyway. You might try getting her her own personal trainer or getting her signed up for some unique type of exercise class.

Answer 3

I am seeing this more and more. I don't understand it. When my kids were little, I chose to stay at home and take care of the house and kids. It made the budget smaller, but we decided it was best. When my husband came home, supper was ready, the house was spotless and we could spend time as a family. I felt like that WAS my job. Now days, it seems that the women who are lucky enough to stay home, expect the husband to come home from work and start in on the house. I have a male friend that is going through the same thing. It is really getting to him also.

Answer 4

I was a stay at home mom for 10 years, while I did not bring in an income I did not expect my husband (whom I respect) to do any of the house work . . yes he had to fix things I could not like the hot water heater. . but if she is not contributing finiancially to the household she should contribute by doing the house hold chores. . you should come home from work to a clean home and some food. If she expects you to do 1/2 the chores then you should expect her to pay 1/2 the bills. Currently I work I pay 1/2 the household expenses what is left is mine (if there is anything left) to spend anyway I like.

Answer 5

Better yet, she should get a job and you and her should go 1/2 and 1/2 on hiring someone to come in and clean the mess in the house that you and her make.

Answer 6

lets see if she does not work,,,then her keeping care of the house and doing the cooking is her job...thats what a homemaker does...thats what my wife did when she stayed home....it takes 2 to make a marriage work...you work all day...thats your part...taking care of the house is her part..
my wife works now...because she got bored being at home all day...she cleans...and does laundry...I cook and take the kids to 4-H meetings and we both work full time shifts...the kids does the dishes...as for bills we put our money together so we can do more things...Not to be mean but your wife sounds a bit lazy..
I work in a steel plant all night and the wife work a cheese production plant we work together..and we are going on 16 yrs marriage....good luck to you

Answer 7

It is not unreasonable of you to expect a house wife to clean up. But, if you guys have kids or for whatever reason she is overwhelmed, then as part of a team, you should help out. Try not to make any extra work for her, you know like leaving your clothes all over or stuff like that. Ask her what she thinks a fair split of labor is and see if you can compromise.

Answer 8

If she does not have a job outside the house, then her job should be to keep house. It is unreasonable for her to be upset at you. Maybe she is depressed? Maybe it would be a good thing for her to get a job. And then the two of you could share the chores.

Answer 9

I am a stay at home mom/housewife, I don't think it is unreasonable at all to expect your house to be clean & dinner cooking when you get home.I mean with kids it always makes it a bigger job but in my situation my husband helps out on the weekends when he is home,and that is always nice.When he is at work all day I like to have everything nice for him when he gets home. It is just a mutual respect.He busts his a** at work to provide for our family so I like him to be able to relax and have some down time.

Answer 10

If your wife works outside them home then you should both be responsible for the household. If her job is a homemaker then you need to be very clear about what you expect from her so that you are both on the same page. It's not fair for you to expect her to do every little thing, and you need to do your best to be neat and helpful too, but she should be primarily responsible for it if she does not work outside the home.