As being too good to a woman. My gf has alot of emotional issues from her past that get into the way of our life progressing further. I used the old phylosophy of killing her with kindness to help her realize all relationships arent going to end up bad. That not all people are going to hurt her. The problem is that she ends up taking all the kindness I give her but wont return any back unto me. I am beginning to feel she will never heal from her past scars and allow us to be who we are. Am I being too good to her and is there such a thing as being too good to someone to the point they take advantage of me?
2007-01-31 08:04:52 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Nope
2007-01-31 08:08:31 · answer #1 · answered by zen522 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The big problem here is that as long as she has you, her security she will never allow these scars to heal and be able to move on with her own life. I sugest you two take a break from each other to help her figure these problems out. She needs to find herself and progress on her own before she can even think about a relationship. Don't take this as a kick in the head, this is you being a good person and helping her through this difficult time.
Ever heard of the saying, "if you love them, set them free" ?
2007-01-31 16:10:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not being "too good," but maybe you are not letting her take responsibility for her own problems. Others may have hurt her, but how she lives now is her own decision. It sounds as if you have bought into her pathology and are helping perpetuate it. This is not unusual. I've had experience with this myself, so I'm not ignorant.
I guess you hoped you could "fix" her. It would have been better not to get into a romantic relationship with her if you were not happy with her as she is. Everybody has problems. If you want an equal relationship, you have to realize that what you see is what you get. If you want to, you can help somebody without expecting anything in return. But that is not an equal relationship.
If you leave her now, you will not be hurting her. She is already hurting herself by not letting herself heal. You can't change that.
2007-01-31 16:18:48 · answer #3 · answered by The First Dragon 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is such a thing as being too good to a person. Having counseled in the past, however, I believe that with the right therapy you guys could have a great life together. Shes not used to receiving things........therefore shes not used to giving things in return.
Mark
2007-01-31 16:10:25 · answer #4 · answered by Mark C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes there is. I am really good to my man as well. But hardly get the things I do in return. But I talked to him and said hey look, when I do these things for you? Do you like the feeling you get? And he said yes. So I told him, if you like how it feels, make me feel like that. I want to know what it feels like too. And since then he's tried to make me feel loved and special in return. You need to talk to her. Tell her your feeling like she's sucking life out of you. You understand she's had a hard past, but everyone has a story. You'll never put her through what other people have. You just want to love her, and be loved. So you can live a happy and long life together
2007-01-31 16:10:37 · answer #5 · answered by Mandy B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes there is such a thing, stop coddling her. She has to realize on her own by your behavior that you're not like the other guys.
If she doesn't reciprocate with kindness, maybe that were some of her past problems. Treat her kind but don't overdo it. And it sounds to me, that she could benefit from analysis.
2007-01-31 16:12:27 · answer #6 · answered by Mightymo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Too good to a woman---NO
Scars don't heal, they are reminders of things we have gotten over and help us tu make better decisions in the future. What you are talking about are wounds. It can take a long time for wounds to heal and each person deals with wounds individually. You may have to help her develop the skills to deal with her wounds.
You need to remind her that you have needs too. If you do not feel that you are getting the attention/love that you need the relationship is doomed.
2007-01-31 16:16:35 · answer #7 · answered by Wes 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude you've got a fixer-uper! Women aren't like houses where you can get them cheap and build them up. Women need to come ready for a relationship. We've all been hurt one time or another, but we get over and move on. She hasn't done that. You have put your self in a situation that is a lose lose situation. You are expecting this girl to change. Would you want her to want you to change? Probably not. I would find a way out and into a healthy relationship. Good Luck!
2007-01-31 16:16:21 · answer #8 · answered by Lilbear 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can never give a person too much love.
However, you are unhappy giving so much and getting so little in return. Talk to your girlfriend and tell her how you feel.
Also, you may be giving her a lot of love, but are you giving her the type of love she needs. We all have different ways of FEELING loved. Some people feel loved by being touched and held. Others need to hear the words "I love you." Others feel loved when you spend lots of time on them. Some people feel loved when you do something special for them or give them a gift.
We tend to give love in the way that makes US feel loved.
Ask your girl what makes her FEEL loved by you and then try to do those things. Tell her what makes you FEEL loved by her.
2007-01-31 16:19:22 · answer #9 · answered by dragonsong 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she's really that freaked out about her past...(and not just making an excuse to refrain from going further into a relationship that she still doesn't know about)...just have a good heart to heart and talk to her...not being mean or condescending but like she is, like an equal that still deserves respect despite her problem.
2007-01-31 16:12:12 · answer #10 · answered by answerer 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people become addicted to attention and kindnesses. Not saying your gf is doing it conciously, but this may be going on...also some people become addicted to giving/sacrafice....in the end this is what forms part of a co-dependent relationship...
sometimes people need to be told how it is...if you are becoming uncomfortable, you need to say so.."Baby I love you, but you're are killing me ths way"...."Buck-up and snap out of it, I want to spend my time with you, but definately not this winey, overly-needy way", "snap out of it, realize I care about you, trust me, meet me half way, or get some help"
Statements such as these often bring a person around to see that A) You really care about them and B) Your not going to put up with watching them bring themselves and you down because of lack of trust.
2007-01-31 16:14:27 · answer #11 · answered by Pedro 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋