Okay here is the deal, I have been with this guy for four months and I really like him. He is everything I could ever ask for and more. He goes out of his way to make me smile and he does alot for me, but things tend to change as time goes on. My problem is I am scared to trust him the way I should. Because of past relationships I have a problem with trusting guys with anything. I am 19 and I have only been sexually active with one person since I have been 18. I'm not really sure where I should go with our relationship?
2007-01-31 07:55:42 · 30 answers · asked by Slim 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
So confused
2007-01-31 07:59:21 · update #1
Just relax and let things take their course naturally. Its good to have a little anxiety, it forces you to think about things instead of just turning a blind eye and a deaf ear. But it isn't good to constantly work yourself up into a bundle of nerves over everything. Also, you're right to hold off as long as you want to sexually with him because you need to be certain. Even if you never have sex with him that doesn't make either you or him bad or wrong for not doing it. It just means you didn't want to and you did not feel comfortable with it.
You are allowed to feel however you want to whenever you want to the way that you want to. I hope this helps and that you can relax some. I remember how it was to be your age (almost 15 years ago) so believe me I understand how life and people in your life can make you anxious, nervous, and sometimes afraid or uncertain. Bottom line....don't do anything to make someone else happy, please yourself FIRST (even if that means forgoing the "pleasure").
2007-01-31 08:02:07 · answer #1 · answered by Julianna 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Just take it slow. He sounds like a good guy. Don't be in any rush. You have your whole life!
That being said, you can't judge a relationship (or future relationship) by your LAST relationship. People are individuals. No one is the same as anyone else.
You shouldn't even be thinking about sex at this stage. You're not sure you trust the guy. Who wants to sleep with someone they don't know if they can trust?
Once you build trust, it may just happen naturally.
GOOD LUCK!!
2007-02-08 05:01:32 · answer #2 · answered by Renee D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the past is the past. you use what you have learned to your advantage. If you plan to love again you have to trust in the person you choose to be with. there is no doubt that you will be more cautious than 1st time around but that again is to your advantage. Take things slow and don't think that everyone is the same because their not. If you were to continue to look at all relationship as you just explained you will never let your gaurd down and never will you be happy. Give him the benefit of doubt and treat him as someone your are in love with not like someone that is out to hurt you. We all get hurt before we find the ONE that is part of the experience.
2007-01-31 08:13:56 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't try to judge this relationship on relationships that you had in your past. It is alright to keep yourself a little protected,but if you close off completely because of the fear of getting hurt you will never experience what might be a really good guy and a wonderful time in your life. To be safe and closed is like being apathetic and life is too much fun when you are open to letting it happen.
2007-01-31 08:11:52 · answer #4 · answered by gloglo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's normal to feel hesitant when it comes to trusting someone after being hurt in previous relationships...I'm 26 and I have just found someone I can trust after years of being with guys who did me wrong...However, I have learned that when it's right, you know it deep down in your heart.
You also have to realize that you can never truly allow yourself to love someone if you are not willing to open yourself up and be vulnerable to be hurt. If he has not done anything thus far to make you not trust him and you are only feeling this way because of guys you've dealt with in the past, then I say go ahead and trust him.
If he has done some things that make you hesitant about trusting him, and they aren't just in your head, then hold back for awhile.
Good luck. I know how hard it can be.
2007-01-31 08:02:04 · answer #5 · answered by Truth Hurts 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should be scared because there R alot of people who dont deserve your heart or trust. But in order to have a strong relationship you have to at least put ford the effort and try.
2007-02-08 06:50:29 · answer #6 · answered by mz.pretty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust is developed as you go... i.e. it really should not be just given right away. So don't feel so bad..these things take time.
Is it trust and giving your heart to him that he wants... or is it getting you in bed that is his motive?
The whole sexual thing can really cloud or blind people. Once you go there, we all tend to stop thinking reasonably, we forget or over look things that we should be watch full of.
So.. save your heart and develop trust in allowing him opportunities to gain trust. Exercises Grace in your relationships with him and even your past. We all screw up sometimes, forgiveness / grace take practice but is well worth it.
2007-01-31 08:12:00 · answer #7 · answered by Friend 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems like you suffer with "the bag lady" syndrome. Each individual relationship should be judged on it's own merit. The best advise to give is to watch for the signs. In every relationship, there will be signs that he is good for you or if he will be bad for you. If his bad out-weigh his good, leave him and move on to the next. And just remember that nobody is perfect.
2007-02-08 04:25:14 · answer #8 · answered by Cherri 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should trust him until he gives you a reason not to. If you punish him for your past guys' mistakes, he will leave. Treat him as him not all the others. Do not give too much, but learn he is different. Watch for changes. If he truely loves you he won't change. Do not be too critical, but don't be walked on. Be carefull, but try to be open.
2007-01-31 08:02:55 · answer #9 · answered by blwileygp 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
there's something about him that's not right and your gut is trying to tell you. you know something and are not willing to face the facts. GOD bless you that you're 19 and not sexually active like a whore. keep yourself; you're worth the wait and what you have is priceless; don't just throw it away. get to know this person more, visits museums, libraries, movies, plays, walk in parks to understand where this person is coming from. 'cause what you're talking about giving away is so unique and rare it is awesome and none in comparison. be friends if he wants more; than that will be all he ever wants from you then he'll move on. be patient, join you're local church and think about your education. you should be in college about to be finished in 2 years. stop worrying about silly boys and get educated.
2007-01-31 08:04:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋