has any 1 on here ever lived with an alcholic my husband is 1 and he is driving me round the bend at the moment he is on a bender and causing alsorts of problems in our family sometimes i wish he would go out and not come back i know that sounds horrible but hes getting me so down. My 14 years son told him today i wish you was dead and he doesnt care 1 bit that hes said it can some 1 please help me i dont know what to do if i leave i really think he will drink himself to death if i dont leave my kids are gonna be damaged when hes really drunk he says really hurtfull things has any 1 else had to deal with this and what did you do thankyou x x
2007-01-31 07:38:25 · 31 answers · asked by andrea.barrett36 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Well, Andrea I lived with an aclcoholic: my father. And as a son I want to tell you that my family is in pieces because there is nothing to be done if the person himself doesn't seek help. It is up to your husband to decide and seek help. you can't talk to your husband while he is in this condition. You need to see what is your priority and go from there. It is tough. I admit that and I don't wish to anyone what you are going through. I mean If I were you I would take my kids away because he is hurting them and that is unforgivable. He wants to hurt himself let him be but not the kids. BUT, don't desert him. He is your husband and needs your help and these were your marriage vows. He needs help but in the meantime get the kids away.
2007-01-31 07:47:57 · answer #1 · answered by Jay C 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I HAD a friend who became an alcoholic. The friendship was way to strained to continue because of it, and I stopped speaking to her. 4 months later, I got a call from the hospital I work at and she had a roll over with her 10 and 12 year old in the vehicle. The 12 year old was ok-a sore wrist and bruised shoulder from the seatbelt. My "friend" had bleeding in her brain, broken tailbone, fractured collarbone and several other issues and was soon transported to a larger hospital that could care for her better. The 10 year old was flung out of the vehicle via the windshield and miraculously had no stitches or anything broken. He was however bruised all over and very sore. Anyway, my "friend" recovered and then 2 months later got arrested for drinking and driving again. Some lesson, heh? My point is this-she does not want help so she will continue to drink and make her family miserable and put the kids' lives in danger until she wants help, and some people just never want it. Don't destroy your life and watch your children grow up in that environment. Get out and you will all be able to breathe easier.
2007-01-31 15:47:49 · answer #2 · answered by MNBound 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes.
Have had all the same feelings ,sorry to say
Does not seem to be just one formula for problem.
Everyones circumstances are different.
Support groups as others have mentioned?
Got to start somewhere.
Maybe an intervention of family & friends to send the message home.....LOUD
Message being, you are causing damage & pain to your family.
Do something about it before there is nothing left to save.
What's more important, your drinking? your life,or your family?
Trick is getting a commitment to try.
A sharp Psychiatrist (psychopharmacologist) was able to identify & attack the underlying psychological issues & was able to turn things around w/ a combination of therapy & medication.(still ongoing).
Consider myself to be fortunate to have a good outcome after many years of misery.
Not to say there are'nt deep, long lasting scars left behind.
If there is a key of any kind, I think it is a matter of finding the right
professionals for your husband, self & kids.
Many pro's are reluctant to say " get out & save yourself ".
If it does come to that , & if you're not part of the problem, you may have to prepare yourself to make the decision to let it go..
I did, but rode it out when there were signs of progress.
All the best to you & your family.
PS
Might see what a professional thinks of letting your husband read some of the (edited) responses?
2007-01-31 16:58:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If the relationship is becoming the least bit abusive then get the heck out as fast as possible.
If you confront him about the problem....He says it's your fault or the kid's fault that he drinks.
You're told that you don't understand.
He denies that he has a problem.
He has a couple of shots just to straighten out. (Maybe he sneaks them)
The list goes on and on.
There's an organization called Al-Anon for family of people with a drinking problem. They can help. Give them a call and attend a meeting.
Eventually you may be able to convince him to deal with his problem. Right now he feels that he doesn't have a problem...you do.
Been there....it's not an easy road for you but the folks at al-anon will help you get by.
Good luck.
2007-01-31 15:48:00 · answer #4 · answered by Jack 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel like I could write a book about it. I had 2 uncles that were alcoholics. My dad was an alcoholic, and my ex-husband is an alcoholic and is physically and verbally abusive as well. You would think I would know better than to marry a heavy drinker after living for 20+ years with a parent that was an alcoholic, but that as they say, is another show! You have two priorities right now. First take care of yourself - if you don't, you won't be able to take care of your kids, which is your other priority. You can always try to get your husband to get help with his drinking; however, it sounds like he is in denial, so you should concentrate on yourself and your kids. For your sake and the sake of your kids, if your husband refuses to get help, take your kids and leave. You can't control what your husband does. If he refuses to get help, he will drink whether you are there or not. Don't worry about him drinking himself to death; how much he drinks is totally out of your control. You need to get yourself and your kids out of this environment as soon as possible. Believe me, you are NOT doing yourself or your kids any good by staying. When I was growing up as a young child, I used to pray that my parents would get divorced so that I would not have to be around my Dad when he was drunk and listen to all the fighting that went on between he and my Mom. When I was married to my ex-husband, I always wanted to try to work things out, because we had a son together, who was 4 years old at the time, and he and my ex are very close. I felt that by leaving my ex, I would be tearing our son's world apart. I also have a son from a previous marriage who was 19 years old at the time. My then 19 year said to me: You know what, you are doing him (my then 4 year old)more damage by staying then if you were to leave." I thought that was pretty perceptive coming from a 19 year old. My ex refused to get help for his drinking, so I took our son and left. I had no job, (I had been a stay-at-home Mom for the previous 5 years), no money and no place to live. Thank God for my Mom. I stayed with her, got a full time job, and eventually got a place of my own for my son and me. That was 6 1/2 years ago. Three years ago I got remarried to a wonderful man (who does not drink) who treats me like Queen and treats my son as if he were his own son. My ex is still a heavy drinker, and believe me, I thank God each and every day that I am not still married to him. I finally have peace in my life, and my son has a safe, stable and loving environment in which to live. Best of luck to you and your kids.
2007-01-31 18:31:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My mother was an alcoholic all the time i was growing up. Give him an ultimatum-go into rehab or leave and stick to it. The children should not grow up thinking this is normal or have to put up with the abuse whether it be verbal or physical. Will he stay sober once he gets sober maybe maybe not. My mother was sober for 16 years and has recently just begun again and I am giving her an ultimatum as I did before letting her know she can't drink around the kids at all. Good luck and find yourself and the kids a support group. All of you will need it. You are going to need someone tough in your corner to help you be Tough with him.
2007-01-31 15:50:59 · answer #6 · answered by iroquoislady16061 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I threw out my huband of 16 years when my son was 13 because of his drinking. He was verbally abusive, worthless, kept all money he made for himself, let me pay all the bills and handle all the chores plus working full time and lied that he was working late when he was drinking. I'm sure you've heard it all. Cut your losses. Dealing with raising your child alone is less work that dealing with all your husband's baggage. If you love the man and want to keep trying contact an Alcoholics Anonymous group and they will work you through an intervention and help you and your son deal with it all. If you don't love the man, find any way out you can and let him sleep in the bed he made. I'm so sorry to be so negative, but drinking ruins the lives of everyone, not just the drinker, and your life and your son's life are worth saving. Take care of yourself. Good luck and may you find blessings.
2007-01-31 15:45:16 · answer #7 · answered by Tweakers 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I've lived with one. YOU have to decide which course you and your son want to take. 1) Do you understand it's a disease for some? If this would make a difference in your thinking, read "Under the Influence", a quick, easy, and educational book on the subject. 2) If you feel he has this disease, he has to quit COMPLETELY. You will have to help him understand he has a disease and he's not just weak. Then get him to rehab to dry out. 3) If you don't care and just want rid of him. Leave bottles of liquor (at least 100 proof) throughout the house. He'll be out of your hair in no time.
2007-02-01 05:30:05 · answer #8 · answered by mcdanielw 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm an alcoholic, so yea I live with one...me. You got a tough situation. But in all honesty, if he ain't ready, and some never are, you cant make him quit. What you can do is make him responsible for his actions and take care of your kids and yourself. Ask him to get help, show your support, if that doesn't work your only choice is to move out with the kids till he comes around, and he may never. Sorry but that's the truth...God Bless
2007-01-31 15:43:39 · answer #9 · answered by dj 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My boyfriend is an alcoholic, or he drinks a lot. He doesn't get abusive but he ended a 5 year relationship because he chose alcohol over her. He is by no means abusive, but he would get drunk a lot of the time. He bartended to pay off his outstanding debt, so he had easy access to alcohol.
I say go to counseling and see if he can kick the habit.
2007-01-31 15:42:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋