something to make me laugh and isnt mean to a certain person
2007-01-31 07:38:11 · 13 answers · asked by godschild 5 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
There was this blond and she needed some money, so she decided to go to a rich neighborhood and paint. So she went to the house she saw first. She rang the doorbell and an older man answered the door. She asked him if she could paint anything for him and he said to go ahead and paint his porch. He also told her to go ahead and take her ladder around back. So she took it back there and started painting. When she was done she got the man and said look at the great job I did! The man fainted. When he came to he told her he said porch not porche!
2007-01-31 07:57:25 · answer #1 · answered by Kayla 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Drunken Priest
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:
1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ***.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the **** out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ***.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat me."
12. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with the Cherry".
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God". and finally...
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St.Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
2007-01-31 15:41:32 · answer #2 · answered by hotbritgirl 1 · 4⤊ 2⤋
Three old men are taking a memory test. The doctor asks the first one, "How much is 3X3?" The reply,"169." The doctor asks the second one, "How much is 3X3?" The reply, "Tuesday." The doctor asks the third one, "How much is 3X3?" He says, "9." The doctor says, "Yes! That's correct! How did you come to this conclusion?" And, the gentleman replies, "I just subtracted 169 from Tuesday!"
2007-02-05 06:37:56 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
There's these two rednecks sitting in a bar and one of em notices that this girl is chocking really bad, so he aks her "are you alright?" "can you breath?" she shakes her head no. The guy realizes shes chocking, so he lifts up her skirt licks her in the ***. The lady is so disgusted by what he just did to her that she spit out the bone she was chocking on. The guy sits back down casualy and starts drinking his beer while his friends turns to him and says, "boy Earl, that the first time ive seen that hind lick manuever used before!"
2007-01-31 15:45:09 · answer #4 · answered by Celticgreen 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋
there were 5 men on a mountain one Mexican the other European the other Canadian the other American and the last African
the Mexican says ill do this for my people and he throws himself and dies
then the European comes and say I'll so this for my people and the throws himself and dies
then the Canadian comes and says ill do this for my people and he throws himself and dies
then comes the African and says ill do this for my people and he pushes the American off the mountain.
2007-02-06 15:31:14 · answer #5 · answered by redangel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My auntie sent me a letter:-
Dear Niece,
I have sent you a coat....it was too heavy for the postage so I cut the buttons off....you will find them in the top pocket!!
(haha)
2007-01-31 16:09:26 · answer #6 · answered by SonicSon 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
"Don't laugh!" says john to the doctor
"I wont you have my word as a man and a professional"
So john pulls down his pants and reveals a penis thats couldn't be any bigger that a AAA battery.
So the doctor giggles and ends up rolling about laughing at this man's small penis and after a few minutes he pulls him self together and asks
"Sorry, So whats the problem?"
John replies "It's swollen."
2007-01-31 15:43:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
man walks into a shop with a fish under his arm and ask
"have you got any fish cakes??"
"no "
"shame its his birthday"
lol
2007-01-31 15:42:58 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
whats brown and sticky?
a stick
2007-02-05 19:07:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why is it you can tune a guitar, but you can't tune a fish?
That one's been bugging me for AGES.
2007-01-31 15:44:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋